Life Is a Musical!

this video just made my day! i would love to do something like this.

the feeling of summer.

"it feels like summer."
ever heard that?
i hear people say that all the time, if the sun is shining and the birds are chirping
it feels like summer.
i whole heartedly agree that summer is a feeling, not just a season.
but summer is not just sun tans, beaches, and ice cream.
summer is a feeling.
i'm not talking about warm cars, sandy feet, hot sun kind of feeling.
or lazy day, sleeping in, stress-free kind of feelings.
summer is a feeling deep in my stomach, an uneasiness.
a restlessness of my heart.
summer is an ache, a pain, an upset.
summer is a cold, hurting wave across my entire body.
summer feels like someone is constantly squeezing my heart, tighter and tighter
or like a grown man is sitting on my chest, restricting my breathing.
summer is a physical distress to my body.
i felt it instantly when i pulled into my driveway after dropping terrell off
today and it has gripped me since that moment.
i can't believe i forgot what it felt like.
it just feels like something very essential is missing.
it feels cold no matter how warm the sun is.
summer feels like something is constantly wrong, and that is simply because
you're not here.

i look upon your hill

-seven places-

I look upon Your hill

Your broken body hanging still

Your blood drips down

Your face and brow

You brought me life through death

No greater love than this

Surely He's borne our grief

Carried our sorrow

Though we've gone astray

It's by His stripes and wounds

We were healed

On that glorious day

Oh Lord, You've worn the crown

I've placed upon

Your head

Oh Lord, I've pierced Your hands

Yet Your blood declares my innocence

he died for us - its too amazing to even fathom.

and then he rose.

and now he interecedes for us

and the right hand of God.

we are so blessed!

heath.

so heath ledger died today.
i know he's a celebrity and all but i am sad.
i cried when i found out.
i am still in shock.
he was so young!
with a baby.
and a future.
such a tragic, needless death.
he was such a big part of my teen years.
like what girl didn't have him on her wall?
or dream of him singing to her?
sadness.
i feel like a piece of my growing up has died.
and this makes me sad.
the worst part it that people are mad that i'm upset.
because thousands of people die everyday.
and this is blown out of proportion.
but he was a real person too.
someone's father.
someone's son.
someone's friend.
and that makes me sad.
i think i'll be in shock for a while...
rest soundly, heath.

surely we can change.

And the problem is this
We were bought with a kiss
But the cheek still turned
Even when it wasn't hit
And I don't know
What to do with a love like that
And I don't know
How to be a love like that
When all the love in the world
Is right here among us
And hatred too
And so we must choose
What our hands will do
Where there is pain
Let there be grace
Where there is suffering
Bring serenity
For those afraid
Help them be brave
Where there is misery
Bring expectancy
And surely we can change
Surely we can change
Something
And the problem it seems
Is with you and me
Not the Love who came
To repair everything
Where there is pain
Let us bring grace
Where there is suffering
Bring serenity
For those afraid
Let us be brave
Where there is misery
Let us bring them relief
And surely we can change
Surely we can change
The whole world's about to change.
-david crowder band-

merry christmas.

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning.
Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.
There came a man who was sent from God; his name was John. He came as a witness to testify concerning that light, so that through him all men might believe. He himself was not the light; he came only as a witness to the light. The true light that gives light to every man was coming into the world.
He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God- children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God.
The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.

John testifies concerning him. He cries out, saying, "This was he of whom I said, 'He who comes after me has surpassed me because he was before me.' " From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another. For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ. No one has ever seen God, but God the One and Only, who is at the Father's side, has made him known.

1 John 1:1-18

glorious impossible.

its two weeks today until christmas! enjoy this amazing song by the GVB.

its the same version as our Christmas in South Africa DVD.

christmas gala

so a week ago today was the christmas gala at cmu - everyone dresses up beautifully and we basically eat food, take a ton of pictures and then dance our butts off in the blau. so fun. and i just like seeing all the guys in suits and all the girls who never wear makeup with their hair in ringlets and dresses. its a grand old time, and was 100x better this year without the boring program! here are some pictures of the festivities. :)

terrell and i at the table.

with josh reimer - so glad he's here to stay!

my ladies - i pray with them every wednesday!

i think i am dizzy from justin's vest.

at the dance afterwards, i love how many people we fit into this picture.

i love them all!

i am in love with this picture.

now i have 3 more exams (almost two) and 5 days until i fly to terrell's house. i am so excited! i am sad to miss stuff at home but i know how special it is that terrell and his parents want me there for a special day. i am excited! i just want it to be saturday. 5 more days...

ever with me.

Oh Lord, the Spirit of love abiding
The voice in the darkness guiding
Hear my prayer.
Be in my head and in my understanding.
Be in my eyes and in my looking.
Be in my mouth and in my speaking.
Be in my heart and always in my thinking.
Lead me Lord.
Lead me in Thy paths of peace.
Make You way plain before my eyes.
For it is only by your guidance
Only by You tender love that I may dwell in safety,
Dwell in safety.
God be in my head and in my understanding.
God be in my eyes and in my looking.
God be in my mouth and in my speaking.
God be in my life and in my breathing.
God be in my heart and in my loving.
God be in my thoughts and in my doing.
God be in my joy and in my laughing.
God be by my side, be my Protector.
God be at my end and with me ever
With me ever with me, ever.

-Gwyneth Walker

it's snowing again.

i like holding hands through mittens.

the moment.

i don't want to go to bed.
sleeping will officially end this weekend.
i don't want it to end!
it was too great...
too short...
i am not ready to go back to real life.
i want to go back to brandon.
to the apartment.
to my family.
to snuggling with you on the couch
and watching hockey.
to waffle stix and chocolate fondue.
to laughing too much.
to burgers at midnight.
to the newsboys concert
watching you dance and sing your heart out.
to eating fuzzy peaches on the bus
and talking about christmas.
gah.
living in the moment is hard sometimes.
the library awaits me tomorrow.
deadlines await me tomorrow.
but forget tomorrow.
right now memories call me.
thankfulness in my heart calls me.
praying, then sleeping calls me.
good night.

sorry everyone.

so i never post anymore.
life is just so busy!!
being an ra, a student, a room mate, a friend, a girlfriend, a daughter, a christian...
it takes up at lot of time.
sometimes i feel like i suck at them all.
sometimes i feel like i only suck at some of them.
but life goes on.
i go on.
we all gone on and press on through.
or we try to anyways.

maybe i shouldn't post when i'm so bogged down with work. lol.
back to the books...

too long!

ok, so its been way too long since i last posted, i apologise. life just gets crazy! so here is a one-sentence summary of the important things that happened.

1. i saw JOSH GROBAN live in concert!!! it was life-alteringly amazing, i bawled through most of it, GAH i love him.
2. i crashed a car - on the way to ashley's house for her birthday. henk and i lived, the car did not...oops.
3. henk came home! its been good to see him.
4. i led song actions for vbs with jodi on my lunchbreaks all of last week. it was so much fun; exhausting but rewarding.
5. al came to visit with her boyfriend on friday - sarah, rob and i joined them for supper and a movie and it was absolutely lovely to see them all.
6. i saw hairspray again in theatres. be still my heart.
7. i worked saturday and then had a party at my house which was so fun. i love camp fires.
8. sunday was jordan's 24th birthday party, my word my brother is old!
9. on monday at work it stunk like skunk and we found a dying baby one inside the building. john killed it with a shovel, and i cried (i would like to point out that he ended its suffering, it was in real bad shape).
10. yesterday was terrell's 20th birthday! so happy birthday to my guy. :)

and now ashley is here. today i pulled a bee out of my pocket and it was scary. and the mama skunk is in our building. oy! one week until i am in winnipeg, i am so excited but have so much to do! two more days of work and 7 more until i see terrell...sigh. life is happy.

what i know

1. i really don't like being called "jan" by people who don't know me well. friends, family, they can call me that - they know me. but people who i've just met only call me "jan" because they don't remember my actual name, and that bothers me!! this kid at work called me that and i was like, no.

2. drunk driving is never, ever cool. i don't care if you do it in the country, or give it a catchy name like "booze cruising", it doesn't make the possibility of death and injury cool. its completely idiotic and i really am frustrated by how popular it is in our area. oy.

3. you don't need to go overseas to be a missionary. at work this kid asked me if i was into church. i said, "well i don't know if i'm into church, but i'm into god." he made a comment about being religious and "into all your gods" and i said, "oh no, not 'gods', i believe that there is only one god." and he gathered from that that i was 'less religious' or less of a christian because i only believed in one god, as if by believing in more gave me more faith. so it just goes to show that even in our own communities some people have absolutely no idea about christian spirituality, or even about god, and that there is always a window of opportunity to step in there.

4. my aunt's boyfriend is awesome, a total keeper and the whole family loves him. excellent!

5. its much more fun to meet distant relatives now than it was when i was little because now i'm an adult and actually have things to talk about with them. its even better when they actually feel like they're your family and you feel like a part of theirs.

i love you.

cutest, best commercial of my life!

good morning baltimore

well guys, its almost august! can you believe it?
this summer is ridic.
well i am pooped after two fun weekends in a row. last weekend i went to the peg with nash and leanne and it was SO much fun! got home at 2 am on sunday and i definitely worked at 8:30 the next day. good stuff.

this past weekend i helped with some home renovation and painting and then went to brandon with ash to see hairspray with brynne. best movie ever!! it was so much funnier than i expected, and seriously such an empowering film. it covers issues like being different and embracing it, accepting people that are different (whether its race or size or whatever), standing up for whats right, and really chasing after your dreams. so many times in the movie i was applauding just because i was so pumped up and so happy! and the music was great too. basically i want to see it again - right now. and then supper and cheesecake with dan man. and a wedding registry. ha ha! after a failed attempt at mini golf, we went glo bowling where we danced to hollaback girl and listen to your heart. so fun! once again got home too late and then i sang at church. then there was a shower and then off to salt lake with ash, curtis, and michael. it truly was the only was to cool off and dingys made it even more fun! i laughed too much and ate too much brownie and played way too much bubble bobble (original nintendo baby). curtis and i even wrote a song to the irritating music. we managed to tag team it and defeat all 100 levels and the final boss. yup, we're awesome (and by us i mean curtis and michael, because ash and i weren't much help i don't think). but it was so much fun to hang out and laugh too much. GEEEB!

its too hot. officially. i am constantly dizzy at work and its very smelly there.

i feel like i could say more about life and hairspray etc but i think it calls for a seperate post. so until then, my lovelies!

ps i see terrell in less than a month - boo ya kashaw!

10 excalmations

1. i am feeling better!
2. today i rode in the parade on the town's float!
3. i ate too much candy!
4. i am excited about home renovations!
5. it was really hot all day!
6. i love sytycd!
7. wednesday nights with ashley are the best!
8. canadian idol sucks!
9. i am pretty tired right now!
10. traveler is the craziest show EVER!

terrell should like this post - no one loves exclamation points quite like him.

Paging Dr. House

so i've been feeling crappy since wednesday, and after an unsuccessful trip to the doctor here i am on sunday, missing church and feeling like a poop sandwhich. i wish i could report better but i woke up on saturday feeling worse than ever - which is unfortch bc i was really feeling quite a bit better friday evening. now my throat is seriously KILLING me, it feels like my left eardrum is about to explode, and swallowing is basically impossible. so dad took me to the hospital where they took blood and tested me for mono. the results came back negative, but my over swollen glands (you can see them bulging on either side in my neck, two rock hard ping pong ball sized lumps that hurt like a you-know-what), inability to talk, and high fever concerned him, as did my "concerning overly high" white blood cell count (which means that my body is producing more trying to fight off some kind of infection), so he put me on some meds of some sort, i have to take three ginormous horse pills a day. yesterday all i did was take two two hour naps, and sat up for an hour inbetween. last night i forced down food bc i haven't eaten properly since wednesday because swallowing is too painful. i feel like i have definitely od-ed on advil and tylenol trying to kill the renlentless fever, and cough candies make me nauceous/do absolutely nothing. so please, pray for me, because if i don't get better i will definitely be missing a lot more work and really the pain right now is inbearable. i think my infection is moving: before it was the right side of my throat and ear, than the left, and now my left ear is like super death! i really dont understand what is wrong with my body. even if my throat problem goes away i could at least function. so yes, prayer would be nice. thanks.

thoughts.

lately i have been tired.
tired but happy.
which is good.
i like being happy.
i have also been busy.
which is great.
have i mentioned that i love my job?
and how good god is to me?
i feel like these past few weeks he's been more than god to me.
he's been my friend.
and i love that!
i've been keeping a prayer journal and its going great.
i like looking back to see how he's answered prayers.
yup god's good.
and now terrell's on the phone so i gotta go.

time with terrell

so its officially been a week since i left terrell's, so its about time i tell about it!

well, firstly i got to brynne's and we had a fun adventure of shoppers drug mart, construction sights, hair straightening and so you think you can dance. after very little sleep, we headed off to the airport where i checked in and boarded soon after. i flew next to a kind of creepy man to toronto, and from there to (on the smallest plane EVER) london! terrell was waiting when i got there, and i shook through our entire reunion - i'll blame it on excitement and ridic turbulence!

so we drove back to his place and unpacked my stuff. i think we hung out with his dad and chilled and then went to pick his mom up at work, because we were going to detroit for a david crowder concert!!

i know, can you believe it? it was pretty amazing - he sounds AWESOME live!! we were so close too! i think nonie was more excited than either of us, ha ha! although he sang my favorite songs so i was thrilled. it was a great time of worship and so much fun, a dream fulfilled!

the next day we chilled and watched 'myth busters', which had this guy with some amazing facial expressions that made us nearly die laughing. we ate lunch (well they ate, i was nauseous most of the weekend), played pool and frisbee outside and picked nonie up at work again and drove once again to the united states. my passport got a workout! we ate at TGIFriday's and continued on to our destination - gotta love super 8s! first we shopped and terrell bought him and myself the two heaviest books in the store, then we hung at the hotel and watched 'the pacifier' on tv. i got my own room at the hotel, it was so sweet!!

the next day we drove to frankenmuth, mich, and went to the world's largest christmas store. it. was. so. HUGE! and fantastic! you really need to see it to believe it! its 5 acres of tacky christmas amazingness! we took a lot of pictures.

after lunch at a sweet restaurant in town we checked out some shops and then drove back over the canadian border to this sweet beach town, where i think we were the only 4 people wearing shirts. or pants for that matter! that aside, terrell and i took a stroll down the beach. we had a light supper and then went to huron country playhouse to see 'cats', which actually rocked my world! the sets were fantastic, as was the makeup, costumes, singing and dancing! the plot was stupid and made no sense, but the show was brilliant, i loved it! we got home after midnight and hit the sac immediately.

sunday was the best day ever. slept in, showered, ate a delishious brunch, hung out with terrell, played dominos with him and his mom, lost horribly, went to grad where terrell wons lots of money! came home, looked at our scrapbook, ate supper, went to ryan's house where he, ben, darren, kelly and us played frisbee and roasted marshmellows. it was so much fun! it was great to hang out with his friends, and spend time with sandra and kelly. that whole night was perfect too - it was great just talking, laughing, tickling, and eating fruit loops! and i gave terrell a great new nickname! ha ha.

it really was the perfect trip. i wouldn't change a thing about it - well maybe it'd be longer...oh and my flight wouldn't be delayed and hour and a half. but it really was perfect. i got to spend so much time with him and his parents, and saw some great things and had a lot of fun. its hard to come home knowing it will be so long until i see him again, but i know time will go by fast, and that god will give me joy when i need it. and i now remember just how good it is to see him after a break from each other, so i anticipate august 29 so much more!

me and my sherrell terriff!