apathetic is a pathetic way to be.

so i haven't really felt like myelf lately. i mean i've been fine, actually doing really well lately, but something just feels not quite right and i've had difficulty understanding it.

i figured it out today.

today was a political forum. the candidates representing the 4 parties were there talking about their platforms and why we should vote for them. the campus was all abuzz. all i had heard all weekend was talk of politics, what everyone is passionate about and why they are voting for so and so.

i haven't been able to talk politics; partly because i don't know much of anything, but mostly because i frankly don't care at all. and i know i should, its important, but i just don't care.

i went. i listened. i laughed a few times. i felt uncomfortable sometimes.

but nothing changed. i still don't care.

i was pondering why this was that i had so little interest when it hit me.

i have been lost to apathy.

yes, i admit it. i am apathetic. and not just towards politics.

i used to be a passionate person. about god, friendship, life, music, even school sometimes. i had many passions. and now i feel like i have none.

i know what i should be passionate about. i am just not.

i have lost my passion.

its really weird and annoying. its not how i want to be, its not who i should be. but it is largely who i am now.

its just so much easier to be apathetic. easy to not care because then no matter what the result of anything i am left unaffected.

apathy is a scary place to be. its scary because it is so easy to get stuck here.

so i guess i am writing this so i can be held accountable to not be apathetic, and get out of this rut.

also i am really just writing this out to make more sense of it.

thanks for listening.