day eighteen.

She never compromises; loves babies and surprises. Wears high heels when she exercises, ain’t it beautiful.
- Train, Meet Virginia (My Private Nation)

I am very grateful that this work week is done and now I get to have a weekend. I am exhausted!

I want to have faith in the human race, but sometimes I just can’t. In my book today was a way too detailed account of a disgusting act that I realize is very real and happens too regularly in society, which is why it upset me so much. For one thing, I am not ignorant and I realize that children are abused all over the world. It upsets me beyond belief; I once wanted to be a social worker specifically to fight that. But I know that my heart couldn’t take it, nor could my stomach. But in my defense, I did NOT need such a vivid account of it, I wish I could go back in time and erase it from my mind and not read that page because I am forever tainted and scarred by it. I ended up not sleeping until very late praying and praying because I was again reminded just how real it is. Just because I’m not thinking about it doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. Just because it’s never happened to me doesn’t mean its not happening to someone right now. I just wish that it never happened – its nights like tonight that make me realize how disgusting and fallen the human race is, that some of us are reduced to committing that act…it frightens me how angry it makes me, how injustice makes me feel violent. After that page I could not wait for that character to die what I hoped would be a horrific and painful death. He died in his sleep.

The best part of my day was laughing until I was crying and flailing and unable to stand or think or stop in the kitchen with Nonie reading a clipping Baba sent me in her last letter. I haven’t laughed like that in years. It was a clipping from Strath’s paper the year I was born. It was titled “Apology” and read something like, “The Bryce baby’s name in the last paper should have read JANNA and not MANNA, as was printed. Our sincerest apologies.” Oh man, that struck me as hilarious and she and I went like rag dolls draped over our chairs, unable to do anything but laugh. I was bawling, tears flowing, it was too hilarious. Now Nonie calls me Manna and I just tell her I really was heaven sent.

Karen, my dear Karen. She is a lovely Italian lady I work with who drives me home when I need a ride. She is also my confident and saving grace at work. A lovely Christian woman with a sincere heart for God, it has been amazing to have someone to connect with. She drove me home today and we talked for like 20 minutes afterwards. It was so great, she is so much fun and I don’t know if she realizes just how much I appreciate her. She looks like a young Mrs. Basso and she calls me ‘girl’ and I bet you she’d yell at you and tell you my widow’s peak is beautiful if she had the chance. Ha ha!