day six.

.lyric.

You're the best friend that I ever had. I've been with you such a long time; you're my sunshine and I want you to know that my feelings are true. I really love you. Oh, you're my best friend.

- Queen, You’re My Best Friend (A Night at the Opera)

.i am grateful.

I am so thankful for relaxing days. For a boy who loves me so much its insane, who makes me believe I am beautiful and interesting and worthwhile. As if people fall in love and I am one of those people. What did I do to deserve it? I am so blown away and so grateful to have someone take care of me and love me the way he does. I am just so thankful for love and the opportunity to experience it and even more importantly, give it away.

.what i want.

Sometimes I just want to know everything about my life. I want to know my future, where I’ll be and who will be around me, when I’ll get married and when I’ll have kids. I want to know what struggles I’ll face and what pain my heart will experience, and I want to know that I’ll survive it. I want to know that I will never have to be apart from the people I love. I want to know where I’ll be in 10 years. I want to know where Terrell will be for his practicum; I want to know if I will get my jaw broken next spring. The thing is, as much as I want to know these things, I really don’t. It takes the fun out of life, and most importantly it means not having to trust God with anything because I already know how it all plays out. It’s so stupid, because no matter how faithful God is to me I still struggle to trust Him. I guess what I really want is to get better at that.

.moment of happiness.

Oh man, I think this entire day was pure happiness, one moment after the other. Going to the clinic and getting meds, watching tennis, baking banana loaf and cookies, watching Corner Gas, cleaning the house, cleaning my house, taking stupid pictures, talking about everything, laughing about everything, feeling so comfortable and happy together. Watching Angels in the Outfield and tearing up at the end. This is what the day is like when I spend the whole day with you: one big moment of happy.

.i love you.

Terrell Wiebe. Where do I even begin? You are impossible not to love. I never have as much fun with anyone as I do with you. I love how lame we are together but how our lameness makes us awesome to me. No one understands me or knows me like he does. He listens to me, and what I say matters to him. He puts up with all my crap and loves me more for it. Why? I’m not so sure, but I’m so glad he does. I feel so blessed to have such a strong, intelligent, caring, giving, loving, fun, dedicated and not to mention good looking man of God in my life. He challenges me, he cares for me. He believes in me when I don’t; he is strong for me when I am at my weakest point. He holds me when I need it, he prays for me when I need it, he encourages me when I need it. He takes care of me when I’m sick. The love he shows me reflects the love that God has for me (unconditional, overwhelming). Its like through loving him everything makes more sense to me, and the more I grow to love him the more I grow to love God as well. He makes me so happy and he makes me feel beautiful. He is my safe place, my best friend. I can tell him anything. And no matter where I am, I find comfort in his nearness. In his arms I am home.