day ten.

LYRIC.

But I don't care what they say I'm in love with you. They try to pull me away but they don't know the truth. My heart is crippled by the vein that I keep on closing…you cut me open and I keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love.

- Leona Lewis, Bleeding Love (Spirit)

GRATEFUL.

I am so thankful for time alone. I love being with Terrell, I love being with the Wiebes, but it seems like every Thursday I love just coming home and being alone for an hour. It actually takes a lot from me to make myself walk over to their house for supper just because it’s so nice to get that time, it helps me refuel myself.

WANTS.

I wish I was better at managing my time. I feel like I am a very successful time waster. It always seems like I can look at the clock at any point, or the calendar for that matter and be like, what the crap? What have I done in this time? I feel so vamped up to do things but then I am too lazy to do them. For example, I do waste too much time on Facebook, and I know that. But I don’t feel like deleting my account would fix it – I would just fill that time reading some celeb gossip site or something. So I went through my friend list and deleted people whose profiles I never look at, who I am not really friends in real life with in an attempt to keep me from mindlessly looking at pictures of people I don’t care about. I deleted 70 friends. It felt good.

JOY.

Cutting Terrell’s hair in my kitchen listening to him tell me all about his day. I could just listen to him talk for hours, what he thinks and how he feels fascinates me. It was especially great to hear him talk about how happy he is that I have so many interests, dreams and ambitions, and encourage me to pursue them. It means so much to me.

LOVES.

Daddy dearest is the very best. I actually can’t imagine having better parents. My dad is such a loving person, the epitome of hilarious. He’s such a cute old man, and he gets offended when I call him old. He lets me dye his hair blond and just laughs when it turns out pink. He has shown me what a man of God should be like, a spiritual leader and his faith has a quiet humility that I really admire. He makes fun of how I talk; while he’s watching sports there is no possible way to reach him. He can point his nose (it looks like a house). His obliviousness sometimes KILLS me, as does his falsetto while singing along to oldies. He introduced me to the good music, like Buddy Holly and The Righteous Brothers. He is a great son, husband, father, brother, friend. He LOVES my mom, I think its so beautiful that even after 28 years, she’s still the same to him and he adores her the way he did then. Makes me hopeful. I’ve always wanted to marry a man just like my daddy, he’s just the best there ever was.