Thursday, November 07, 2013

30 Things Challenge: Week 2

Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.

Some of these may seem silly but they are all legitimate to me because of the physical response I have when I think of any of them - tight chest, pounding heart, sweating palms, cold chills, the urge to scream, etc.

1. I am terrified of clowns. When I see one I cry straightaway or at least run away with my heart pounding so hard I can't believe I didn't have a heart attack. I don't think I ever super loved clowns in my childhood but I didn't fear them - I think I even went as one for Halloween at one point! But when I was 14 I watched the movie It based on the Stephen King novel, and since then I have been terrified of clowns. Tim Curry was absolutely TERRIFYING as Pennywise, a clown who lives in the town's water system and eats children.   That opening scene where he appears by the clothesline and giggling terrified me to go into the yard every time Mom had laundry hanging on it; I was afraid to go to the bathroom by myself for a long time because of the scene where the sink talks; generally the film is gross and I am embarrassed that something I saw so late in life scarred me the way it did.

I am less afraid of sinks and laundry and things now, but I still hate clowns. And I also hate carnival music, by association. At the church I work at there is a nursery school in the basement. Every spring they have a clown theme and hang terrifying decorations on the wall. One day, I went down to the basement to fill my water bottle when I remembered the decorations (my back was to them). I immediately starting sweating and my heart was pounding and I couldn't wait to get out of there. So yes, I am a 26 year old adult who is terrified of people in white face paint with fake expressions painted on them. Yuck.

2. I am actually really afraid of bats. They are like mice with wings. GROSS! And they flutter around all unpredictably. Once, I was laying in bed trying to fall asleep, and I thought, "what if there was a bat in our apartment?" and I actually almost hyperventilated and thought "then we'd have to move!" I could NOT live there if there were bats there. The flying foxes (aka cat sized bats) at the zoo give me a cold chill down my spine and a cold sweat simultaneously. Ew ew EW! This fear was unknown to me until I was 18 years old and had to go into a bat cave - the mouth of the cave was a wall of black. Vile.

3. A third fear is of people in my life dying. I cannot even think about any of my parents, husband or siblings dying - it makes me almost sick with dread. I actually don't know how I will continue to live if it ever happens. I am anxious about my aging grandparents. Now I have a newborn niece, someone else in my life that I could lose, especially as she is so small and delicate. My wonderful friends. I trust them all to God's care but I still fear them being taken away from me. This is a big one, and a real one, especially because I personally know almost 10 people my age who have one or no parents. These people are incredibly strong, as I don't know how they continued on after the death of their parent. I fear I don't have their strength.