Thursday, December 30, 2004

Brace Face No More

I got them off!! They are gone!!
My braces were taken off today! I'm undecided about that. I mean its totally awesome and everything, but when I look in the mirror all I see is teeth! They are so huge! I have so much of them! And they feel all slimy and smooth. Its so weird! Its a little silly, really. I almost miss the braces, but not enough to put them back on again! It sounded like he was breaking my teeth off when he took off the brackets...
Not much else to say really, I'm just happy they're off! I can't wait to see people! It will blow their minds! I just hope I get used to them soon, because I feel a little self concious about them and all. So anyhoo, talk at y'all later!

Thursday, December 23, 2004

I got in!!!

I got in to the Outtatown program!! I'm in! Ashley and I both got in to the South African program!! We're gonna have so much fun together, I love her and I am so happy we both got it! Thank You God!!
I am scared, and worried about the money to pay for it, but if its what the Lord wants, He'll provide a way for me to go. I am so pumped, this is what I've wanted always, to go on a real missions trip and help people.
Thank You God!!

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Let it All Out

Okay so today was the last day of school before Christmas holidays, PRAISE JESUS! School was getting to be too much. I hate it. Anyhoo, last night I went to bed at a decent hour, but I ended up listening to my Relient K CD on my head phones. I got to the song "Let it All Out" and I was like, wow, I love this song, so I played it again. And again. By that time I had really started listening to the words and the words just spoke to me. I mean the second verse, wow. So I was laying there, nodding emphatically along to the song, bawling my stupid head off. It was just that those were the words I needed, that no matter how crappy stuff gets, in the end it won't matter. God loves us no matter what. And in Him, there is strength. So I looked inside last night and found my strength. It was amazing.

Let it all out, get it all out
Rip it out, remove it
Don't be alarmed, when the wound begins to bleed
Cause we're so scared to find out
What this life's all about
So scared we're gonna lose it
Not knowing all along
That's exactly what we need
And today I will trust you with the confidence
Of a man who's never known defeat
But tomorrow, upon hearing what I did I will stare at you in disbelief
Oh inconsistent me, crying out for consistency
And you said I know this will hurt
But if I don't break your heart then things will just get worse
If the burden seems too much to bear
Remember, the end will justify the pain it took to get us there
And I'll let it be known at times I have shown
Signs of all my weakness
But somewhere in me, there is strength
And you promise me that you believe
In time I will defeat this
Cause somewhere in me, there is strength
And today I will trust you with the confidence
Of a man who's never known defeat
And I'll try my best to just forget
That that man isn't me
Reach out to me
Make my heart brand new
Every beat will be for You, for You
And I know You know
You touched my life
When You touched my heavy heart and made it light...

Congradulations Ashley!! I'm so excited for you! Love ya to pieces!

Sunday, December 19, 2004

Nothing Specific and Everything in General

So tonight was carolling. SO FUN! There were only like 12 of us, and it was tons of fun! We sang and Hazel gave us chocolate, which was so cute. Then we watched Elf at my house and talked forever. We also watched all these old movies we made for school until like 12:45. So it was a long youth group!
So today Henk called and said his plane was wrecked so no flying. I was saddened by that, but today was a good day so it was all cancelled out anyways.
Wow this is the worst post ever! But I don't even care! Tonight I asked Curtis to be my grad escort. He said yes! I was happy. I mean one less thingy to stress about. It wasn't even weird, and like I thought I'd have huge issues with how to word it. But nope, it just came out nicely. And he said yes, so all is well! Yay!
I am so tired, I have to go to bed.
I must say this though: I love all my friends! Like everyone, Ashley, Brynne, Curtis, Jodi, Henk, Adrienne, Allison, Ireen, Kaitlan, Lenny, Sarah, Brion and Mike. Even Josh. Seriously, hanging out with them is the happiest I ever am!
And Cass and Al - I MISS YOU SO MUCH! I had a dream about you last night, it made me sad because you're so far away. I love you guys, you are my SSS forever!

Saturday, December 18, 2004

I'll Fly Away...

Wow, I have been neglecting my blog and for this I am extrememly sorry! Its been ridiculously busy. Bio is EVIL and it has been taking up alot of my time. And art too...
Anyhoo, last night was our church concert. It went well. Ireen was so cute and excited! She said it was her first church concert and she was totally cute and nervous before we sang. Ireen, Sarah, Kristin and I sang Silent Night. It went okay. Afterwards we had goodies and juice downstairs and I hung out with Addy, Allie, Jodi, Ireen, Curtis and Brion. It was so much fun! We did all these dumb things and ate way too much and talked and it was totally fun. Curtis was running around in my rainow scarf and mitts and it was very funny!
Today Henk invited me to go flying. Ashley and Brion are coming too. We're going aroud 2:00 this afternoon. I'm scared! I was really excited about it all week, and now I'm scared! I mean we could die! Wow, this is totally showing my lack of faith in Henk, who is a scary driver... But yeah I'm scared about it. I want to sit in the front. I've been flying once before and I sat in the back so I really really want to sit in the front. I hope Ashley and Brion will let me.
Tonight is carolling! My favorite Youth Group! I'm excited! We are singing and then coming to my house and eating and watching Elf. I've never seen it, I hope its good! But I think all my people are coming so I'm excited, its gonna be a good time! Today is just generally going to (hopefully) be a good day!
I should go get ready, I'm still in my pj's. And I think mom wants to go grocery shopping. So anyhoo I'm talk to y'all later!

Sunday, December 12, 2004

The Weekend

Okay so this weekend has been fun. On Friday we went and saw Ocean's 12, which was extremely funny! Ashley and I like died laughing! NO MORE PICTURES! Ha ha! And yeah we embarassed ourselves by talking loudly and laughing through the whole movie. It was fun though. I sat inbetween Ashley and Brynne, and then Brion and Henk. It was fun!
Then we went to McDonalds at like 11:55 and they still made us food. I hadn't eaten yet, and Ashley and Brynne had only had ice cream, so we got food. I sat in the back with Ashley and Henk on the way home. We had to huddle for warmth, it was so cold! When we got to Minnedosa, there were police cars around due to an accident, and they stopped us. He was angry and actually kind of rude. I wouldn't be very happy standing out in the cold at 1:00 am either, I guess. But yeah, I got home around 1:20, and Henk gave me a hug! I think he did it just so he could hug Ashley, but oh well. Oh yeah, he asked her to be his escort on the way home too.
It was fun, but I felt like such a fifth wheel! I mean it was Brion and Brynne in the front, and they're going to grad together, and then Ashley and Henk all snuggly in the back. So I snuggled up against the cold door for comfort, lol. So that part wasn't so great...
Then on Saturday we went bowling with the Youth Group. It was fun! Yay Twinkletoes! Afterwards Brynne, Henk and Brion came over. That night we put up our tree! That was awesome. Our house is now officially Christmasified. I love it.
Then today was church and tonight's the church banquet. I think I'm going. Its gonna be some good food! So yeah thus was my weekend. Laters!

Friday, December 10, 2004

Happy Birthday Brion!

Oh, I've been neglecting my blog so much this week! But this week was a really crazy one! Today is my homeboy Brion's birthday - he's turning the big 1-8 today! Now he's an adult! Whoo! He can vote! I'm glad I can't vote yet, I hate politics. Anyways...
So yeah tonight the plan is that Brynne, Henk, Ashley, Brion and I are gonna go see Ocean's 12 to celebrate the kid's birthday. It will be a Gremlin trip, and its gonna be fun! I'm excited! I need to have fun (and a red bull) after such a long and exhausting week.
My mouth is so sore! I cut it all open inside on my braces...I think its from playing my trumpet, because that just about KILLS me. The band concert went awesomely well on Wednesday! We played 3 senior band songs and 3 jazz band songs. Our jazz band rocks, its just so much fun to be in! And Geordie, Eddie, and Benny Waddell played Carol of the Bells by Metallica. It was amazing! I would marry those boys, such talent! I mean seriously, talented and the nicest kids ever. Too bad they're all younger than me. They're just so cool and incredibly talented! Anyways, before people start getting creeped out...
So yeah I should go do some math. I got back my latest module today and I got 84% on it, so yay. They correcting people are stupid. All they ever say is "show your work!" And I AM! I mean like how much more could I possibly write, stupid woman. But yeah, at least I'm doing alright in it. I think I'm writing the midterm not next week, but the week after. Scary stuff. Then I'll do the second half and write the exam in the second week of February. Thats the plan, anyways.
Well I'd better go. Toodles noodles!

Sunday, December 05, 2004

Red Bull Works!

Okay, so I have zero energy to post, so I'll write later.
Guess what? Today I was bored so I looked up what my name means. And with my first and middle names put together it means "God has been Gracious" "Fairy or Elf".
I find this to be inexplicably anusing. I mean I'm a fairy! Ashley was right all along! And so was Andrew the day he called me something mean...
I HAD THE FUNNEST WEEKEND EVER! And I only got 11 hours of sleep in 48 hours. I want to die I am so tired. I still have some bio to do, and then I'm off to bed! Ooh actually I really want a Red Bull...they are so addicting!
Laters gaters!

Thursday, December 02, 2004

4 Hits and a Miss (plus 5 Queer Guys)

1. Topher Grace is totally my hero! I mean his name is Topher, how cool is that? And he's just so dorky cool, and he always plays such a nice guy, like on That 70's Show and Win a Date With Tad Hamilton. He's too cute! I just wanna marry him!
2. The guy from the "I've-grown-out-of" milk ads. I really hate that chick, but the guy is so cool, with lovely hair. And he doesn't pretend to rap, either. He's just too cool.
3. Josh Groban is amazing, its really completely sick how talented he is. I love him, his voice, and like all of his songs! Even the ones that aren't in English have beautiful translations. He just blows my mind - his talent is seriously not of this earth!
4. Ben Stiller is SO awesome! He always plays someone so awkwardly adorable, and I just wanna hug him! He's so funny and cute and seems like a really sweet guy. Plus he can totally re-invent himself and play just about anyone.
5. Ireen is such a sweetie! I just love her, she's my girl. We can just be like whatever and its all good. I'm totally glad we became friends, and I actually feel like she likes me, which is nice. I haven't heard her dis me or stuff I like yet, so all is good. He accent and grammer is so cute! I'm glad she's here this year and in my classes.
6. The Fab Five are so cool! I want to hang out with them! I almost wish I was a sloppy straight guy so they'd come over, beautify my house and take me shopping! Carson is so gross and funny, I love Kyan (he's so pretty!), Jai is totally cool, Thom is so talented and Ted is hilarious! I want to hang out with them and make them like me! They are so hilarious and their camaradrie is inexplicable. I just love them.

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

When You Say You Love Me

I LOVE THIS SONG!! Josh Groban is so fantastic! Sometimes I pretend he's singing this to I'm a loser!

Like the sound of silence calling
I hear your voice and suddenly I'm falling,
Lost in a dream
Like the echoes of our souls are meeting,
You say those words, my heart stops beating
I wonder what it means?

What could it be that comes over me?
At times I can't move
At times I can hardly breathe

When you say you love me
The world goes still, so still inside and
When you say you love me,
For a moment, there's no one else alive

You're the one I've always thought of
I don't know how, but I feel sheltered in your love
You're where I belong
And when you're with me if I close my eyes
There are times I swear I feel like I can fly
For a moment in time
Somewhere between
The Heavens and Earth
I'm frozen in time
Oh, when you say those words

And this journey that we're on.
How far we've come and I
Celebrate every moment.
And when you say you love me,
That's all you have to say.
I'll always feel this way.

When you say you love me
The world goes still, so still inside and.
When you say you love me
In that moment I know why I'm alive.
When you say you love me.
When you say you love me.
Do you know how I love you?

Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Much Ado About Nothing

Wow, I haven't posted in ever! I never seem to have a spare moment. Anyways, hows it going? Last night I spent all night writing this essay for ELA. It was comparing To Kill a Mockingbird (really good book) and Of Mice and Men (really sad book). It was pretty easy, but very extremely long. Anyways, so yeah. And its a little crazy at my house, emotional wise. Everyone's kinda freaking out, which is understandable, but the tension is really high and weird. Anyways, I had a dentist appointment so I had to miss Jazz band, which sucks. I love Jazz band, and when Eddie plays Default music! But next month, on December 29th I get my braces off! Whee! I am so excited. And I love Josh Groban, holy crap. He's so pretty and talented! Like the song "When You Say You Love Me" is so amazing and I wish he was singing it at me! Wow! LOL anyways, this is dumb and I don't have much else to say. Oh except this: know who I like? Ireen. I think she's nice and fun to hang out with at school. We're totally friends. Anyways, better fly!
P.S. I wish I could fly! I am such a Peter Pan loser!

Friday, November 26, 2004


Hello hello again. So today I woke up an hour earlier than usual because I can't tell time. So I suck and am exhausted! But I actually ate breakfast this morning and read some of To Kill A Mockingbird, which was nice.
I'm excited, because today I get my HOJA CD! They were so awesome! And yeah, there are three different ones and Sarah and Ashley and I are collectively getting them all, so we'll share! I'm excited. Okay so my lips have been so uber dry lately, its annoying! Especially after band class. And so I've been slathering vasoline on them (hot, I know) but it like soaks in in like 2 minutes. So I hafta keep slopping it on. Yuck, it tastes bad. So yesterday we went to the art gallery in Brandon and looked at two different shows. One was The Best Man by Riel Benn, and the other was Cowboys and Indians (and M├ętis?) by David Garneau. They were really good! The Riel Benn stuff was really weird though. It was kinda creepy. He's really talented, though. I guess he just likes to use his talent to paint weird things. Then we got to paint with acryllic paint, which is the bestest. That was fun too. And on the way back we listened to Brynne's Kalan Porter CD!! I love it! There are some really good songs! Kalan is so awesome and pretty and NOT girly (darn you, Kalan bashers!). I guess it was weird that I called him pretty and ungirly in the same sentence. I'm a freak. Anyways, off to do some dreaded math before going to dreaded art and then buying my HOJA CD! Whoo! Talk at y'all later!
P.S. Last night I said goodbye to Patches, the cat Brynne is taking care of. I love that cat and I will seriously miss her! I love having a cat, and she's so pretty and cuddly and cute! I'll post some pictures if they turn out.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Under Pressure

What to even say...not a whole lot is new. I am feeling SO STRESSED about my math! Like I am freaking out. I refuse to think about grad because what if I'm not there? What if I don't graduate? Why did this happen to me? I mean life would be so much less stressful if I didn't have this math thing hanging over my head. I could anticipate grad and be excited about it. Frick this sucks. And lately I feel like I've gained some weight, and I mean I usually don't care, but like I was starting to trim down and be comfortable with myself, and now all I see is yucky flab. And life is so crazy and stressful and I just want to die and be finished math! Why don't I have my sister's brain? She'd be done it by now, or at least she'd have passed Pre-Calc in the first place. Frick. I'm gonna go do math now.
Oh and by the way Brion and I made up yesterday. That took a long time! And he told me I was his best friend. :)

Sunday, November 21, 2004

Food, Glorious Food

Okay so tonight was SO MUCH FUN! There was Youth Group, which I needed after such a crappy day. It was the progressive supper, and we had appetizers, ceasar salad, potato soup, roast beef with potatoes and gravy, and turtle cake. Everything was inexplicably yummy! Then we had the devotion at my house. There were 28 teens squished into my living room. It was insane! Afterwards we all went outside and hung out and lots of people left. Brion, Brynne, Henk, Codie, Kate and I walked down to the church. Then Codie and Kate left, and the rest of us cruised in Henk's truck. It was totally frightening! He's a horrible driver, I gotta say. But it was so fun too. Then we dropped off Brion and the three of us talked and cruised in the Gremlin. That was so awesome! I mean Henk and I haven't bonded since...grade 10. And he was like yeah, I'm gonna take you guys flying! I was so excited! And we're gonna go see a movie sometime too. And then he told me I was awesome to talk to, and that was nice! We listened to Em and totally had a good time. We just cruised and had Gremlin moments, which are the best kind. One of the few that don't involve Dean! Thats a good thing. Anyways, so yeah it was totally awesome and I didn't get home until like, 11:00. Brynne was whining about how she had to get home, but I don't really blame her cause her dad's home and she had a 10 minute drive. But yeah it was totally awesome and tonight made my weekend. Anyways, I should go to bed so I can get up for church.
Night all!

Thursday, November 18, 2004

The Nylons (and other good stuff)

So yesterday was actually a pretty good day, after all. We got our report cards, and I have 90% in ELA, 66% in Bio, 93% in Art, 89% in Band and 95% in Jazz Band. Good enough, I say! Well Bio could definately be brought up alot. So thats one to work on, but other than that, good on me! And last night The Nylons were at the theatre. I just about FREAKED they were so freaking amazing! I'm listening to their CD right now actually - I even got it signed. They are so amazing, and they wore funny sparkly shirts and danced all silly. And they were so hilarious! Everytime they spoke everyone was laying in the aisles laughing! They were just so totally awesome, what extraordinary talent. That was probably the best talent to ever be on that stage. Wow, they were amazing! And so many people I knew were there. Like David and Trevor, Hannah, Julia, and all these Dinner Theatre people. I miss them! They all came and talked to me and told me they missed me. They all wanted to know what I was up to, and I was like wow, I miss Dinner Theatre! Anyways, so I got home at like 10:45, so then I did my bio until late, so I am super tired today. I think Brynne and I are gonna watch a movie tonight. Yay the OC is on! Adam Brody! Right on. Later!

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Me Against the World

So today I woke up and decided I was gonna do what I wanted and not care what anyone said. So I got up and thought I'd wear sweatpants - its all about comfort, baby! I also decided to vent through my eye make up. They say the eyes are the window to the soul, right? LOL. So I'm wearing like an inch thick of black eyeliner on both lids. I think it looks cool, actually. And I wore my Westman hoodie because it makes me happy. I need to feel happy because today is report card day.
Plus last night I had a fight with Brion. He was being such a boy about everything too, which made me more mad than I already was. I thought he was better than that, that we were different and he didn't have to act like a moron with me. But I guess we slipped. As Avril Lavigne would say, we lost it. LOL! Oh, Avril. Anyways, I'm off to do some more math, and then I have band instead of art! Yay!
Oh and I had a bio test today and thought it went pretty well.
And I'm listening to Josh Groban....hee hee I love him!

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

"The Dirt"

Okay, so I haven't done a real post in a while, so here goes.
Life had been alright lately I guess. I'm been in the crappiest of crappy moods lately and everyone seems to be trying my patience and pushing all the wrong buttons. And now I am remembering why I'm not friends in a group of 3. Because I always end up being the one feeling left out. Like the other two are way tighter than you and have all these inside jokes that are mentioned all the time. I hate when someone treats you a certain way to make you feel special and then does it to someone else too. I mean, that just makes me feel cheap. Everything seems to be disappointing me too. My friends, school, myself. I am freaking out about report cards like you would not believe! Yuck. I just don't like school, and I'm overtired and WAY behind in my math and really starting to feel the pressure now. And why haven't they contacted us about Drama yet? Why did I dream about Blaine and David? Why is my head so itchy? These are the questions that haunt me frequently. Well I'm off to do some math and then go to art class (joy).
Wow this was mopey and stupid. Sorry everyone.

Monday, November 15, 2004

Remember When It Rained

Josh Groban is the most talented person alive. I swear. He just blows my mind. Last night he sang "Remember When It Rained" on the AMA's. It was amazing! He like held this one note forever and it was so glorious and beautiful. And just effortless too! Oh wow I love him! So here they are, the lyrics for an amazing and beautiful song sung by someone who gets way less credit and respect as an artist than he deserves!

Wash away the thoughts inside
That keep my mind away from you
No more love and no more pride
And thoughts are all I have to do

Oh, remember when it rained
I felt the ground and looked up high and called your name
Oh, remember when it rained
In the darkness I remain

Tears of hope run down my skin
Tears for you that will not dry
They magnify the one within
And let the outside slowly die

Oh, remember when it rained
I felt the ground and looked up high and called your name
Oh, remember when it rained
In the water I remain

Running down...
Ah ah ah ah ah na na
Na na na na na na na na na
Oh oh ah oh ah na na
Running down...

Friday, November 12, 2004

I Celebrate the Day

by Relient K
I find this song so incredibly moving and wonderful...

With this Christmas wish is missed
The point I could convey
If only I could find the words to say to let you know
How much you've touched my life because
Here is where you're finding me
In the exact same place as New Years Eve
And from the lack of my persistency
We're less than half as close as I wanna be

And the first time that you opened your eyes
Did you realize that you would be my Savior?
And the first breath that left your lips
Did you know that it would change this world forever?
And the first time that you opened your eyes
Did you realize that you would be my Savior?
And the first breath that left your lips
Did you know that it would change this world forever?

And so this Christmas I'll compare
The things I've felt in prior years
To what this midnight made so clear
That you have come to meet me here

To look back
And think that
This baby would one day save me
And the hope that
That you give
That you were born so I might really live
To look back
And think that
This baby would one day save me…

And the first time that you opened your eyes
Did you realize that you would be my Savior?
And the first breath that left your lips
Did you know that it would change this world forever?
And the first time that you opened your eyes
Did you realize that you would be my Savior?
And the first breath that left your lips
Did you know that it would change this world forever?

And I celebrate the day
That you were born to die
So I could one day
Pray for you to save my life
Pray for you to save my life
Pray for you to save my life

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Relient K Rocks My Socks!

Hey all. Nothing really new to report about. I was listening to my Relient K CD today when I was doing math. I love them! Really, they are my favorite band ever, they are so talented and awesome. They can be hilarious, and then sing something so moving and thought provoking that it just blows me away. It just rocks my socks. I mean there's this song on their Christmas CD called "I Celebrate the Day" and its so wonderfully moving. They make me feel like I can just open my ears and listen and hear God speak. I mean their lyrics are all about how we're normal, and we screw up, but God loves us so much that He just embraces us and loves and forgives us through all our crappy times. And I so need to hear that. I love Matt Theisson. He's my hero. His voice is just beautiful, like the words he writes. Anyways, everyone should go out and buy "Mmhhmm" and "Deck the Halls, Bruise Your Hand" because they ROCK!

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

Oh, Drama!

So tonight there were Drama auditions. Nobody came! Seriously, there were like me and 4 other girls and that was it. Lindsey was there. I love her, she's so talented and fun! And then all the Minnedosa crew, who I also love! LOL! And we hung out and talked, and I found out a person that everyone likes and thinks is hot that I don't like or think is hot...well they feel the same way as me about her! And it was funny, David and I talked about when we went out, lol, good times. It was fun, and I hope this is how Drama is, just our group. Because tonight was a sick amount of fun, again. I seem to have fountainous amounts of fun with those guys! The only bad thing is a girl who isn't worthy will most likely get the lead part, which is so typical Drama. I should really learn to just get over that. The weird thing is I don't want the lead. Like at all. I just wanna hang out downstairs with the crew. The Westman crew. And David and Trevor and I were talking and and David and I decided we were gonna do it as his house - as in hang out, you sick minded people! LOL! It should be fun, Trevor's got my number, so its gonna happen! I'm happy! And I have a huge headache so off I go to bed!
Oh crap I gotta print off that Outta Town thing first...

Sunday, November 07, 2004

Churchy Weekend

Wow, I haven't posted in a while! Sorry! Anyways, nothing really interesting has happened. Well I guess Youth Group on Friday was awesome! We all went out to Baker's and played capture the flag in the dark in their bush. My team one! It was totally awesome, and my ex boyfriend was there, which is hilarious. He's not really a social setting kind of person, so I thought it was funny. Then we had hotdogs and cake and watched fireworks. It was FREEZING outside. But Kaitlan was huddling with me and we kept warm. Then we played dodge ball and that was it. But it was uber fun, and everyone was in a hugging mood, and I was too, so all was good. And Leanna hugged Henk, so she is therefore my hero! Ha ha. And then on Saturday Jodi, Ashley, Leanna and I (with Ireen) went to a Catholic church and taught their Sunday School kids some songs. I thought it went really well and it was fun because I was with them. When I got home Kristin and I watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. It was interesting. I thought it was good, and I loved her hair! Then today was church, and I cleaned my room. I should go do some math though. But I'm talking to Ashley on MSN and its really fun! But I should post this before it gets too long and stupid.

Friday, November 05, 2004

If You're Not the One

by Daniel Bedingfield

If you’re not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you’re not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call?
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all?

I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don’t need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don’t need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you’re not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you’re not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don’t know why you’re so far away
But I know that this much is trueWe’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I praying you’re the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right
And though I can’t be with you tonight
Know my heart is by your side

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

Wednesday, November 03, 2004


Why can't I ever just feel
Happy, or sad
Instead of both??
I mean I am SO HAPPY for Al
She and her boyfriend are disturbingly cute
But seeing pictures of them just
Makes me sad
I want that.
Where are all the good boys, anyway?
I mean why can't someone be happy to see me
And happy to be with me
Like that?
Arg, I'm going to bed.
Today sucks.

Monday, November 01, 2004

Another Blarging Day

Well, today was another AARRG day. It just wasn't the grandest day, and I am super tired. I actually almost cried. And I didn't get the job I wanted, and every class basically was torture. I mean bio and art just SUCK. Like hardcore suck. And I feel so rushed and over tired and over worked and it generally blows. Wow I'm in a complaining mood today! I guess jazz band was good today. And I am happy for Ashley. She's the greatest person, and I couldn't think of anyone who deserves that job more. And I got all my homework done. So yay me. Anyways, I guess I should go and call Cass. I haven't talked to Cass or Al in forever, and I feel kinda crappy about that. Especially Al. I at least talk to Cass on MSN, so I know most of the scoop. But I have no clue whats going on with Al. So yeah I should go call them. Later I guess.
P.S. I promise the mopey and irritating posts will stop soon.
P.P.S. I love CSI: Miami! They played the song "Get Low" in the opening!
P.P.P.S. I hate CSI: Miami! They killed Speed! I bawled the whole episode! I LOVE SPEED!

Happy Halloween (how original!)

Tonight, I feel very AAGHH! I feel really happy, and really sad at the same time. Tired, but like I never want to sleep again. I think its because when I sleep, I dream, and I always seem to wake up disappointed that what I thought just happened didn't. Does that make sense? I just feel sometimes like my life doesn't meet the expectations I have for it, which is stupid. I dunno. I just feel really AAGHH, and it sucks. I'm worried about something, even though I don't know what yet. That scares me a little. I hope whatever's worrying me doesn't jump out and slap me in the face.
I really should stop posting at night, they never make sense...

Thursday, October 28, 2004

When the Trumpet Sounds...

I am tired, and my mouth hurts. But today was actually kind of fun! I got to play with the BU Wind Ensemble. And I sat beside my sister's friend Andrew, which was sweet. And I was also greeted by her friends Jeff, Alissa, Clio, Sarah, and other Jeff. It was awesome. I like her friends, they seem to like me! LOL! Yeah we played two really hard songs and they sounded good. The second one I could actually play! And I saw some Westman people. Norah, Jon, Erin and William were there. Oh and Sarah too. And I saw my cousin's girlfriend Cydney, and she's really nice and like this amazing trumpet player! We talked and it was fun. Plus we went to Pizza Hut, and I mean it doesn't get any better than that! But it was really foggy on the way home, and I am exhausted so I'm going to bed.
'Night all!

Wednesday, October 27, 2004


Hey all. Once again, I have a killer migrane, what up with that? Today was an ungood day. I felt like everyone was ganging up on me. I hate those days, you know? Anyways, yeah whatever I am so over it. Oh, my poor head! Mom and I spent all night working on my collage for LA. Its amazing. I'm seriously really proud of it. Its big and cool and all about The Stone Angel. It almost makes the book look interesting! A miracle! Anyways, I should go rest my poor aching head. I have a big day tomorrow! :S I'm slightly freaking. Well more on that later!

Tuesday, October 26, 2004


Okay, so my head feels like its going to explode, but I thought I should post at some point today. So hello. Today was a reasonably good day. I did alot in math, made up with Brion, and had fun in art (a first!). So yeah. I want to e-mail people but just can't. Looking at the screen is killing me as we speak. Or as I speak. Whatever. So bye all! :)
P.S. Happy Birthday Al! 19! Whoo!

Sunday, October 24, 2004

Good Times!!

Oh my gosh! Tonight was SO MUCH FUN! I went to the Drama supper and all these Westman and Drama people were there! Aaron, Lindsey, David, Trevor, William are from Westman and Suzanne, Dana, Ashley and Julia are from Drama. It was so much fun! We ate and looked at pictures, and then we snuck out of the meeting and everyone came to my house. It was awesome. David was offended by Hillary Duff's face being on my dartboard, and then he and William took turns playing the piano. And then we attempted to watch TV. We all just talked and hung out, it was awesome. Then all the Drama people left and we sat around listening to last years Westman CD. And we blared Under Pressure! It was awesome!! I had a sick amount of fun, I'm in a funk all over again! I can't wait for Drama, to see them every week and have a Drama sleepover! Yay! It was awesome and I got hugs so it was all good. I love it. I love all you guys!

Saturday, October 23, 2004

Oh, Bill Gaither...

Hey again. Today I spent the day laying around mostly, which was nice because its not done very often. And my sister dyed my hair. Its a really dark (but still vibrant) red. Its quite exciting! Then we looked for a song to sing in church tomorrow. We chose "Oh How He Loves You and Me." It should be alright. Then we all watched Bill Gaither videos. It was awesome! I actually really like those movies! The people are so talented, I just feel all WOW about God just listening to them. Especially the one guy from the Bill Gaither Band, he's crazy. His voice is like a trumpet or something. Speaking of trumpets, I should practice mine tomorrow. But yeah in general it was a fun day. I should go to bed, though. Night all!
I get to see Aaron, David, Lindsey, William and Trevor tomorrow!! Yay!!

Home Again...

Hey again. I'm home again, home again (Jiggity Jig) after spending the night at Brynne's. We stayed up until 5 am watching movies and old Backstreet Boys music videos. It was so fun! I haven't done that in forever! And Mean Girls is a really funny movie! We also watch Dirty Dancing: Havanna Nights, which was so good!! Oh my gosh I totally loved it! I thought the ending sucked, though! Diego Luna is like the hottest guy ever! Wow! And Pam came in this afternoon and we hung out, which was awesome because I haven't seen her since August. We all put on this putrid red lipstick and kissed each other all over our faces, which was hilarious! It was totally fun. Kristin braided my hair and now I'm here adding a lovely post to my blog. Anyways I should go. Night all!

Thursday, October 21, 2004

My Routine

This is my routine every day at lunch hour:
11:50 - Get home
12:00 - Listen to Under Pressure (Queen and Bowie - the best!)
12:05 - Make lunch and dance like a moron in the kitchen
12:10 - Eat lunch and check e-mail
12: 20 - Post on my blog
12: 35 - Go upstairs and do math, leaving Kazaa on so songs can download
2:00 - Come downstairs, disconnect
2:05 - Go back to school

See, I do get work done at home people!! I'm not just farting around!
I seriously do the exact same thing everyday!

Burn that Fat!

Oh, Richard Simmons. Hey all. So tonight I went to rec basketball at our school. There was like, 4 of us there and my principal. It was fun, though! I haven't done cardio like that in forever! I was so exhausted after like 20 minutes. I'm gonna be feeling this tomorrow! I've never been so sweaty in my life...well not since that dance class in Rossburn with Brynne! Ooh, the Latin boy. :) Hee hee. Anyways, my feet hurt and most likely smell, and I'm tired so I think I'll head off to bed early. And I apologise for my constant posting, its just that I have no life and its SO FUN! Yay, no school on Friday! Its a good thing! Brynne and I are going to watch The Passion of the Christ, and I am going to bawl. Yay!

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

This Sucks!

Ok, so I now I seem to have severe mouse-o-phobia! I'm totally freaked out to go into the pantry now, lest another furry creature tried to maul me! Seriously! Like I have eaten a little bit for lunch, but I really want a granola bar, but am scared to get one. I'm such a retard! But yeah, even being in the kitchen is unpleasant. I keep stomping my feet just in case one is around, hoping I'll scare it away. Know what I've decided? I can never see that movie, "The Grudge." The Ring was freaky enough and apparently its scarrier. Plus I do not need to be afraid of my house, especially because I'm alone in it so often! So yeah, no Sarah Michelle Gheller for me! Especially with that frightening Japanese child that meows like a cat! Uhh!!
Yay Halloween is coming up! Candy and costumes! Good times!
Better go do some math!


I made this picture for art class. I had to make it in the form of expressionism, and this is what it ended up looking like. Its actually a bunch of distorted pictures of my late Baba Kotyk. She was the coolest lady.

Sleep is GOOD!

Hey hey hey everyone! Today I was SO TIRED all day! So I got home from school and had a nappy poo. It was sweet! I am in such a weird mood right now, so excardon me Julivia! LOL! I am so sorry about this, as the deer panteth! Okay, I'm good now...
So anyways yeah today was a career fair, and I'm really excited about the Christian Mennonite University in Winnipeg. And my mom wants me to go! So how awesome! I'm gonna apply really soon. I'm very excited, and nervous too. University is scary, just because I feel kind of unready. I feel so little! But I'm also excited to go and have this amazing experience in this amazing environment and meet these amazing people. I'm feeling really positive right now! And my mom is watching That 70's Show, which in itself is funny! And I shrunk my picture, so it looks better. Green eyes? What? They look black on my computer! LOL anyways I'm gonna go!
Toodles noodles!

Tuesday, October 19, 2004


Thank you thank you thank you Rob!!! He helped me put up a picture! Yay! Its a little huge, though, so I think I'll most likely change it, but all the same, I have a picture on my site! Yay! I'm am so happy. One small victory for Jannakind! Thanks to the help of Super Rob!
The picture is of me and Aaron by the way, so perhaps I should've mentioned that. Hee hee!
I saw Doug and Paige tonight!! It was very cool, but would've been way more fun if it wasn't freezing in the gym! Seriously our school needs a heater!
Anyways, oh my gosh, tonight I was on the phone with my uncle and was digging around in the pantry for some chocolate chips and looked to see a mouse crawling across my hand! I just about died! I started screaming bloody murder and ran into the kitchen and jumped onto the couch. Then I continued yelling for my dad to come out of the basement and set a trap. I was crying like a moron too. So I said goodbye to my uncle and watched TV under the security of an blanket. Yeah it was just discusting. Sorry Uncle Guye! I'll buy you a hearing aide when you need one. So yeah like 10 minutes ago we heard the trap snap, so hopefully we caught it. Eww, that was so gross, I can still feel his little feet on my hand!! Anyways I should go. Toodles!

Monday, October 18, 2004

Ordinary Day

I have nothing really interesting to say, really, I just felt like posting. Today there's a volleyball game after school and Douglas is coming! So yay! We'll get to hang out! I hope it all goes well...and that Paige comes too. I'm sure she will. Its so cold in my house! I had ravioli for lunch! It was yummy. I should go do some math, and I still have some crap to get together before I go back to school. Anyways, later!

Wow I apologise for my recent posts, they're pretty crappy and pointless...

Ow, my stummy!

Ok, so my stomach is so sore! Today there was a potluck at church, and I ate waaaay too much! Like there was chilli, perogies, cheese, pickles, buns, salad, fried chicken, veggies, pie, cupcakes, everything! And I ate so much of it! I'm still full and I'm about to go to bed! Then I had a nap and read "The Stone Angel" which is the dumbest book ever written. I dislike it immensely. So I came downstairs and watched some TV with mom. We are Desperate Housewives junkies! I love that show and tonight's episode was so funny! Ashley came over and watched it with us. Then I came online and e-mailed people, and thats really about it! This is so boring, I apologise for everyone who has to read it!
Phatty :)

Sunday, October 17, 2004

Interesting Day

My blog sucks, I just wrote out a big long thing and it didn't post or save.

Okay so today I did math...and it was easy and...I actually thought it was kinda fun! What up with that? I mean me and math don't mix. But it was nice because I actually felt like I understood what I was doing, which I haven't felt in a while, so yeah. It was nice, actually, and confortable, up in my room listening to Avril Lavigne and doing something that made me feel smart and worth something. That hasn't happened in a while. Usually I just wander around like a big moron not understanding anything or why I do it. So it was nice to feel like I had a purpose. Well this is hardly making any sense so its time for me to go to bed.
Night all!
P.S. Maria sent me all these pictures of us looking ugly, it was awesome. And Tin Tin e-mailed me! I get to see him on Monday! So excited! Yay!

Saturday, October 16, 2004


I've been on MSN numerous times since Westman, but for the first time today I was on at the same as Aaron. It just happened a few minutes ago. And because I seriously have no life and nothing else to post, I'll post our convo:

I miss WMYC! Hardcore! I love you all! says:
Aaron says:
hey janna
A week since Westman?? Crazy!! says:
how was your mcflurry? lol
Aaron says:
super bad actually
A week since Westman?? Crazy!! says:
really? lol thats funny
Aaron says:
what you up to?
A week since Westman?? Crazy!! says:
just screwing around, you?
Aaron says:
waiting to go to brandon
Aaron says:
waiting for my ride
A week since Westman?? Crazy!! says:
really? good times
Aaron says:
with david
A week since Westman?? Crazy!! says:
sweet deal
A week since Westman?? Crazy!! says:
you guys gonna see a movie?
Aaron says:
yeah maybe
Aaron says:
rides here
Aaron says:
i'll email you
Aaron says:
A week since Westman?? Crazy!! says:
Aaron says:
miss you
A week since Westman?? Crazy!! says:
A week since Westman?? Crazy!! says:
miss you too!!!

McDonalds - I'm Loving it!

Hey! I just got back from a Christian concert! Our youth group went. The bands were alright. I couldn't really tell what they were saying, but whatever. I just love Christian concerts, that unity and total respect I feel for the artist who just go out there and give it all to God. Thats just awesome. That's what I wanna do with my life. There were some freaky people there, though. I got a shirt! Its cool! It says Recycle Junk Rawk on the back, which is sweet. I love it.
Okay so after the show we went to Dairy Queen, but it was closed. So we went to McDonalds and I got a sunday. I had been sitting there for about ten minutes when this girl came in and I was like, is that Darci? And then I saw this guy and was like, that can't be Aaron. You're silly.
And it totally was!!! He waved at me and I fought my way out of my seat to give him a massive hug. I mean just the person I wanted to see! How ironic! I just about exploded, I was so happy!! I was like, heck yeah! So I hung out with him in line and we talked about random stuff for like 10 minutes. Then we hugged again and said goodbye. I just love that kid. He's so cool. And I was totally happy to run into him! It was just perfect! I am so pumped now! It was totally great to see him, I missed him! So yay! It was a good day!

Thursday, October 14, 2004


Yay! Yesterday I made a special trip to Brandon with my friends to get my pictures developed! It was so fun and I saw Lindsey in the mall! She had just gotten hers developed, so we shared. Mine are so awesome! They turned out so well! I am obsessed with looking at them! I thought I'd better post one on here so I can stop complaining about it. Yay! I miss people! My pictures are awesome! This is the dumbest post ever! I'm gonna go!

Tuesday, October 12, 2004


by: Me on October 10, 2004

I miss Westman
I miss Aaron so much
Hugging him
And watching him sing
David Bowie
To me.
I want a Simon hug
Right NOW!
I want a Becca knee squeeze
I want a Cori kiss and a
Maria laugh.
I want a David elephant joke
And a HARDCORE from Douglas (Tin2)
I want a Rick smile
Some Danielle tears, a Paige dance
Some Tony silliness, a sporkfest with Lindsey
A William squeeze, a Trevor high five
Evan's hat, Denton's grin
And watching Aaron dance
During Zungo!

Still Feeling It

Okay so today I went on MSN and there were like 3 Westman people online! We talked for like an hour! I miss it SO MUCH! And I checked my e-mail and Aaron e-mailed me. It was called I MISS YOU. I just about died. I totally miss him. And I miss everyone. I miss the constant hugging, really I do! Like today I just wanted Lindsey to be there to put my arm around and Cori to give me a kiss on the cheek and Aaron to link arms with and Maria to mouth "I love you" at me from across the room, and make faces at during shows. I am so funking right now. I miss Aaron singing at me. I miss giving out Hershy's kisses. I miss it all. I want to do it again! I actually made a list of stuff I miss last night and I'm gonna post it very soon! I will! I miss everything! I love all you guys!

Sunday, October 10, 2004


Well, this is my mopey I-am-depressed-and-totally-hardcore-funking post. Last night was my last night of Youth Choir...ever! I just bawled! I am so sad! Seeing these amazing people all day everyday for like a week and then suddenly being ripped away from that and being pulled back into reality is really harsh! I mean so many people that I just love! Like Maria! What a crazy girl! We talk about everything and always have so much fun, I just love her! And Aaron is like the coolest guy ever! He's so f'funny! And Tin Tin is like my hero. I totally hardcore love him. And Cory and Lindsey and oh my gosh Becca! I want to be her! She's so incredibly awesome! And Paige and Danielle, David, Trevor and William! Tony, Simon, Evan, other Paige and just everyone! Oh and Rick! I just love everything about choir and all the people. We're like a big happy singing family! Everyone is so comfortable, and everyone hugs and kisses each other because we're so comfortable together. There's always someone to talk to and hang out with. And the tour bus is awesome! Smuggling deserts and drinking tea, sporking, laughing about "the toilet" and wearing our Happening Ladies shirts...all such mother f'good times! I just and sad and I love everyone, and I will probably be back later to post more because I am feeling like 80 million emotions at the same time. I love you guys!

"When friends just can't be found, like a bridge over troubled water, I will lay me down..."

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

Pumped Up!

Tomorrow I go on WMYC tour! I am so excited to hang out with everyone and make music again! I'm packing as we speak...kind of. I also am watching CSI, the best show ever. I watched Desperate Housewives and was quite intrigued. Mom and I have a new show, lol, but nothing can replace Queer Eye for the Straight Guy! Thats totally our show. I wish it was on. Hee hee, sorry this is such a nothing post! I'll stop now!

Life is a musical!!

Back Again!

Sorry, I just had to post to say that I am so excited I added pictures! And I love Brynne's mom! Yay! LOL!
Okay so tonight my friend Brion came over for like 3 hours to do ELA homework. It was so fun! We just laughed and talked and got to know each other so much better than we did before. It was great. I really like having a guy friend! I mean I've totally been missing out all these years! And my parents liked him, and he liked them, and I just kinda felt like, "ha ha, I can have guy friends too!" LOL I don't know who that was directed at. I need to go to bed.
Night all!

Monday, October 04, 2004

Here I am...

What a Day!

Okay, so yesterday was so fun, and so unfun at the same time! My siblings were home for the weekend, and my sister streaked my hair...its orange! I am so excited! And I was mostly tired and trying to avoid doing my bio homework, and totally bummed that I couldn't go see a movie with my friends. Then they called me and said they'd pop over on their way home. They came in with Pizza Hut for me, and like got us all matching Halloween costumes. We're going to be fairies! It'll be so great. So we were having a ball and then my ex-boyfriend of like 2 weeks showed up to take my brother and sister back to university. That was awkward. We just hung out in the kitchen until he left. I still feel so weird about it, you know? Especially when he calls my house to talk to my sister, when he used to call and talk to me. But whatever. Then we watched stupid movies that we've made and planned a dance for spirit week. I am so pumped! It ended up being such a fun day! Duce, Nargus, I love you guys!
P.S. Happy skirt day!

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Wow, here I am!

Well, here I am, with my first ever post on my website. I feel like I should say something profound, just because of that. I really can't think of anything though. Wow, this is really unintelligent. Maybe I'll stop now...
Okay, so maybe I should explain why people call me "The Phat Kid". To tell you the truth, I have no real idea. Two of my friends starting calling me that after getting sick of hearing me dis my body and it just kind of stuck. "Phat" actually is depressingly old '90's slang that means cool. So basically, although it sounds insulting, they are calling me cool. So rock on.