For Anyone Who Is:

don't you just love being in love?

We are so FRUSTRATING!

Oh no, the show that is currently on my TV just called Rebecca St. James a bonified rock star. Ew.

So the other night Caryn and I watched the Tyra Banks show, and it was about women with self esteem issues. It showed all these pretty, normal-sized, if anyhting skinny, women and there was tears and all just oblivious and seriously misguided about how they actually look. It was so SAD, I mean they think they are way fatter than they are and Tyra just kept telling them 'you are not fat, you're beautiful.'

Now what bugs me is that I, as a woman, also feels that way. Not always super fat and hideous, but not beautiful enough. Enough for what I'm not quite sure. The whole time I was thinking why can't we as women stop judging each other and stop hating ourselves and just realise that we are beautiful? Why shouldn't I be able to look in the mirror and think that I have value and am accepted the way I am instead of looking in the mirror and only seeing stomach fat, zits and a double chin? Why can't I look in the mirror and believe that I am a beautiful creation of God? And why is it so important to me to be beautiful by society's standards? To quote my favorite man Nathan Reiger, 'who the hell are they' to tell me what is beautiful, and that I am not?

I seriously think that we women are the whole reason that we feel pressured to look certain ways. Not just celebrities either, but women in general. We are the ones looking at each other and saying things like 'ooh, sausage in a casing' or 'hunny, don't try to fit 15 pounds into a 5 pound bag.' I myself am guilty of this...how to stop it all is probably impossible, and I don't know where to begin. I guess it begins with me and my attitude.

--happy eight months to me and terrell, whoo! ---

Kiwi

okay is it weird that this video totally made me cry?

-back to bio-

Wonderful

Wonderful, you ask? Yes, wonderful! I'll tell you whats wonderful in my life. My weekend was in every way wonderful. My parents came in for my sister's birthday and Terrell and I spent the night with them at her house. The instant I got in her house I started laughing and didn't stop until I got back to CMU. Firstly they picked us up at CMU and brought gifts - my grad dress (which I fit!) and food and a new laptop! With XP on it! So I was very excited about that. And then it was off to Kristin's, and she opened gifts. She got exciting things like towels and a Holy Candle...hee hee. Anyhoo, the night consisted of talking, eating, and laughing. And staying up too late. Then next day we got up and ate after nearly suffocating from the bacon smoke/grease in the air...Tyler ate all my chewy bacon, which I was a tad bitter about. Anyhoo, while we women did the dishes dad took Terrell to get his hair cut (yeah, he looks hot). It was fun to have some women chat in the kitchen - I love my mom. She is so full of wisdom, I feel really excited that I am at the age where I can learn so much from her. The boys came back and we went shopping. I got jeans (hallelujah!) and dad and Terrell bonded by talking hockey and buying bouncy balls.

After that we walked around the mall. Terrell and I had nothing pressing to buy so we walked around together and hung out in Chapters on the floor. That was so fun! Then we sat near Santa's display and people watched before we met up and had a beverage with the fam in the food court. Afterwards we met up with Tyler and went to the Old Spaghetti Factory, which was actually the funniest meal of my entire life. I had to run to the bathroom twice to keep from peeing my pants! The waiter smacking people on the head, the unusual bowls, mom dismissing the waiter when he offered us the bill, dad getting emotional about ice cream - so fun! Then we went back to Kristin's and Terrell read aloud the list of sexiest men alive, and we critiqued each one - I mean Nick Nolte? Patrick Swayzee? Ew! Terrell's head actually nearly exploded he laughed so hard. And then Tyler got too comfy with my mom...sigh. I could try to explain it all but it just won't be funny to you. All I know is that my head and stomach hurt like no other and I have never heard my dad laugh like that in my life. We watched Faulty Towers and could hardly laugh after all that.

Lunch at The Pancake House was quite fun as well - Terrell smoked a waitress and yeah, it was just funny. After my parents left I cried and went to Zach's for a Grey Cup party. It would've been more fun if I wasn't so tired/stressed about hockey...which was cancelled. Who knew? Later that evening I bawled like 4 times, I think the mixture of happiness, exhaustion, and sadness that the weekend of perfection was all over contributed. But I watched Untamed Heart with Caryn and we had a great talk and then I went to bed.

So yes, watching my boyfriend and my parents interact was wonderful; hanging out with them all one-on-one was wonderful; laughing so much was just wonderful. What a crazy awesome weekend!

my cats are dumb

so i was looking at pictures today, and i miss my two cats. they are so dumb! especially mo, well he poses for more pictures than mel who is camera-shy. so yeah, here are there in various stages of sleep and other things!

mozart on his favorite chair.
melody looking grumpy or sick...bad picture!how is this even comfortable? what a knob!

Poppies, Measles and Eyebrows

Today Aicha told me she liked my pin.
I said, "my poppy?"
And she said, "your what?"

And I then realised that not everyone knows what a poppy is. I guess it makes sense because she grew up in Africa and then moved to the States, but still. I never thought that someone wouldn't know what a poppy is. Wierd.

So I think Bakes has the measles - well I don't know what she's got but I like to call her Measles all the same.

Never pluck your eye brows when you first wake up - oh my word mine are now awful. Like awful - oh my word. Well I think so anyways.

Brynne just texted me and it scared me so bad I bit my tongue!

EDIT: GUESS WHO I JUST SAW? At choir practise? Ruth Wiwchar, my amazing conductor from WMYC and she remembered me, hugged me, and sang with me!!! I love her, it made my entire day!

Aggrivating Night

Okay, so last night I went to bed early, hoping to have a good, restful sleep so I could be ready for my 8:30 am class. That was until around 4:30 am when I thought I heard my phone. I didn't get out of bed, the person hung up. An hour later it rang again, and I couldn't find it in my dazed state. About five minutes later it rang AGAIN, and then I found it just as soon as the person hung up. So, I found my phone, absolutely SICK, I mean I thought someone had died, because who calls people at that hour? When I looked at it I did not recognise the number at all, and that was frustrating. I was up for two hours afterwards, waiting for it to ring again, worried that something terrible happened. Nothing. So by then it was 7:45, and I was exhausted so I went back to sleep and woke up at 9:00 - yeah definitely missed class. So Mr. 582-6159, whoever you are, I hope everything is okay and I hope that you had as restful of a morning as I had.

In other news, I stood in front of the entire choir today and named every single member of it, which was quite the feat - there is over 50 of us, and I didn't know a quarter of those names until Tuesday. Janet says I win a prize! I'm pumped.

Now enough procrastinating - back to my process journal for theatre.

An Awfully Big Adventure

So I was thinking about the movie Peter Pan (the 2003 version, if you haven't seen it go watch it immediately b/c it is beautiful and moving) and about the one line Peter says:

"To live would be an awfully big adventure."

I was dwelling on this while brushing my teeth. Living is an awfully big adventure! How many small risks do we take a day? Something as simple as sitting beside someone new in the caf or speaking up in class, to something as huge as changing career paths or telling someone how you really feel about them. I've just been thinking about my life, my adventure and where I am today compared to where I was even three months ago. People I am a university student - a difficult and sometimes overwhelming job, but also a satisfying and rewarding experience. I am a singer, a worship leader. I am a prayer warrior. I have friends, and we do fun things like have OC marathons or go bowling, and then pray for each other and have meaningful talks. I am in love, perhaps one of my greater adventures. What a funny thing, feeling as though you absolutely cannot live without another person in your life, and having them feel the same for you. And constantly looking towards the future together...it blows my mind. It rocks me somewhat that I am in my Britney Spears faze - "not a girl but not yet a woman." I cannot believe I just quoted that song, I am a loser. But yeah, I am in the point in my life where I'm not too old to do a whole lot and I'm not too young to do a whole lot. Where is this post going? What was the point of it again? Oh right, adventure. My life is crazy, and I can't believe its mine. Thank you for being a part of it.

Sorry for this random outburst of word-vomit.