When I Go Down

I'll tell you flat out it hurts so much to think of this. So from my thoughts I will exclude the very thing that I hate more than anything is the way I'm powerless to dictate my own moods. I've thrown away so many things that could've been much more. And I just pray my problems go away if they're ignored, but that's not the way it works. No that's not the way it works. When I go down, I go down hard. And I take everything I've learned and teach myself some disregard. When I go down, it hurts to hit the bottom. And of the things that got me there I think, "if only I had fought them." If and when I can clear myself of this clouded mind I'll watch myself settle down into a place where peace can search me out and find that I'm ready to be found. I've thrown away the hope I had in friendships. I've thrown away so many things that could have been much more. I've thrown away the secret to find the end of this. And I just pray my problems go away if they're ignored, but that's not the way it works. No that's not that way it works. Any control I thought I had just slipped through my hands while my ever-present conscience shakes its head and reprimands me, reprimands me. Then and there I confess I'll blame all this on my selfishness. Yet You love me, and that consumes me, and I'll stand up again - and do so willingly. You give me hope, and hope, it gives me life. You touch my heavy heart, and when you do it makes me light. As I exhale I hear your voice, and I answer you, though I hardly make a noize. And from my lips the words I choose to say seem pathetic, but it's a fallen man's praise. Because I love You. Oh God, I love You. And life is now worth living if only because of You. And when they say I'm dead and gone it won't be further from the truth. When I go down, I lift my eyes to You. I won't look very far cause You'll be there with open arms to lift me up again...to lift me up again.