day nine.

Lyricalness:

I tried to be perfect, tried to be honest, tried to be everything that you ever wanted. I tried to be smarter, tried to be stronger, tried to be everything but you.

- Hawk Nelson, Everything You Ever Wanted (Smile, It’s the End of the World)

Gratefulness:

I was really, really happy to have chicken for supper. I was very happy that it was a nice enough day that we could eat outside. I am really grateful for my family, that I didn’t grow up in some hideous foster home or group home. Reading White Oleander has made me very grateful for the life I’ve had, especially because I now see just how quickly everything you ever knew can deteriorate. It also made me realize just how selfless my parents are – every adult in this book is so selfish I can’t even stand it! Their selfish desires ruined this girl’s life, and she’s tainted by her environment, her role models. Ugh. I am just so very grateful for my amazing parents and family.

Wantingness:

I really just wanted to chillax and watch a great episode of SYTYCD, and I did! It was SO AMAZING, the best dance of the night was my favorite couple, Joshua and Katee, dancing a “Bollywood” number. Baliwood? Anyways, I didn’t know that was a genre of dance, I always thought it was the Indian version of Hollywood. Anyhoo, it was just brilliant and that was all I wanted. To watch and be happy.

Happiness:

I think the happiest moment of my day was actually the Bollywood dance (I’ve decided on that spelling). It was so celebrational, so full of life. It reminded me of so many styles blended into one (hip hop, African, jazz, contemporary, even Ukranian!) I just loved it and it was such an exciting moment and cultural, I loved it.

Loveliness:

Ben Winter makes me laugh! I do enjoy that kid. I tease him, he teases me, its all good! He is so easy going and chill, its great. Today he showed up at volleyball in blue shorts and a (different shade of) blue shirt. He then proceeded to sit in a blue lawn chair, and later he pulled out a BLUE NALGENE. It was blue overload. I told him I was going to tell his girlfriend that he’s so blue when she’s away. Ha ha, I’m funny. I have never had an exchange with Ben that hasn’t been anything but pleasant, and I like that. He’s a great kid.

day eight.

Lyric running from my brain to my mouth out into the open air:

Then I see you standing there, wanting more from me and all I can do is try. Then I see you standing there, I’m all I’ll ever be, and all I can do is try.

- Nelly Furtado, Try (Loose)

Ps – Nelly Furtado went BLONDE. Everyone be appalled with me. She is now the definition of sell out and she looks like every other blonde celebrity out there.

I am grateful for:

The rain. I love rain. Sometimes I want it to rain every day because I love just curling up on the couch all night with a book, staying inside to snuggle and just watch it pour. Sometimes I want to run outside in it.

I want:

To be more motivated! I feel like the most unmotivated person on earth today. I was happy it rained because I was planning on going for a walk and the rain deterred me from my physical activity. I wish I was more motivated in all areas of my life right now – with putting effort into God, into my job, into staying in contact with people, into my health and fitness. Right now I am only motivated to finish this book because I have two more fat ones waiting for me to read!

Moment of pure joy:

I decided on a whim to check out flights to Calgary for Al’s wedding, and BOOM! A sweet seat sale!! It was so exciting! I booked it and now I am really really excited to go! Also talking to Terrell last night about life in general was just grand. I could talk to him forever.

Let me tell you about someone I love:

Uncle Guy (!) added me on Facebook tonight. Like what the heck? Crazy man! Turns out the wiener has had it since April but just added me now! What’s up with that? I can just hear his nasal tone, JAYNA’S on Facebook too! Ha ha. He is a funny man. So very generous with his time and efforts, very helpful, a hard worker, and a hater of all things resembling kisses. His e-mails, typically sent in all small case, sure make me laugh too. Very simple and to the point. He’s not a very fancy man. Ha ha, fancy. What a funny word.

day seven.

Lyric that has seriously been harassing me today (and I am not proud of this):

You got me trippin (oh), stumbling (oh), flippin (oh), fumbling (oh)
Clumsy cuz I'm fallin in love (in love)
You got me slippin (oh), tumbling (oh), sinking (oh), fumbling (oh)
Clumsy cuz I'm fallin in love (in love)
-Fergie, Clumsy (The Dutchess)

Stupid Fergie. I can’t wait until she sings in Sarnia and leaves forever, they have played this song on the radio WAY too much! Ps, Fergie can’t spell, I am aware that ‘Dutchess’ is incorrect spelling wise but that’s her brilliance, not mine.

What I am grateful for today:

My job! I have had such a good, quick, productive and successful day. Its been sweet and its days like today that make me feel like I’m actually doing a good job here. I get to work in an office and do something that actually feels like it matters, and that’s pretty cool. I also feel really good today AND I am having a hot day. Settle down, me.

What I want:

I really need to stop being such a worrier. Its stupid and doesn’t get me anywhere. I think I could read that scripture every day about not worrying and it still wouldn’t sink in. I mean I read it, and I know it, but like, how do you believe it? How do you apply it to your life? I feel like it’s the same as being told every day that you are beautiful and made in God’s image, which is great to hear and easy to know, but believing it in the head is different than believing it in your heart. It took me 10 years to even start to sometimes believe that – how long will it take with this worrying nonsense? Especially because I spend my worrying time fretting over things that haven’t happened yet, and perhaps may not ever happen. And that, my friends, is just a complete waste of time and effort.

Do not worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God your needs and don’t forget to thank Him for His answers. (Phil. 4:6)

Moment of joy today:

On the way to baseball, I was still reeling from what I had just read in White Oleander (a rather disturbing read, and I’m only on page 86!), and I mentioned to Terrell that I was feeling pretty disturbed. Usually he won’t let me/asks me not to tell him anything that I find disturbing, but he could tell I was feeling pretty squirmy so he broke down, saying, “Ok, ok. Tell me about it.” And I proceeded to tell him the gory details. It wasn’t nearly as scarring as it was to read it in the book, because she writes quite poetically, but I was happy to tell someone anyhow.

Also, I love doing devotions with Terrell, just talking about stuff like that together is really amazing.

Somebody I love:

I was remembering today this incredibly emo day I was having first year, and Scott was too, so we stayed up really late listening to his Ipod singing Kelly Clarkson and High School Musical. It was so fun and exactly what I needed. Scott was there for me so much first year, he was the friend I really needed and he was always there for me. We had this ability to hang out together when we were feeling introverted. Together we laughed, talked, cried, stayed up too late and ate way too much McDonalds. He was such a Godsend and I am so happy to call him a friend.

day six.

.lyric.

You're the best friend that I ever had. I've been with you such a long time; you're my sunshine and I want you to know that my feelings are true. I really love you. Oh, you're my best friend.

- Queen, You’re My Best Friend (A Night at the Opera)

.i am grateful.

I am so thankful for relaxing days. For a boy who loves me so much its insane, who makes me believe I am beautiful and interesting and worthwhile. As if people fall in love and I am one of those people. What did I do to deserve it? I am so blown away and so grateful to have someone take care of me and love me the way he does. I am just so thankful for love and the opportunity to experience it and even more importantly, give it away.

.what i want.

Sometimes I just want to know everything about my life. I want to know my future, where I’ll be and who will be around me, when I’ll get married and when I’ll have kids. I want to know what struggles I’ll face and what pain my heart will experience, and I want to know that I’ll survive it. I want to know that I will never have to be apart from the people I love. I want to know where I’ll be in 10 years. I want to know where Terrell will be for his practicum; I want to know if I will get my jaw broken next spring. The thing is, as much as I want to know these things, I really don’t. It takes the fun out of life, and most importantly it means not having to trust God with anything because I already know how it all plays out. It’s so stupid, because no matter how faithful God is to me I still struggle to trust Him. I guess what I really want is to get better at that.

.moment of happiness.

Oh man, I think this entire day was pure happiness, one moment after the other. Going to the clinic and getting meds, watching tennis, baking banana loaf and cookies, watching Corner Gas, cleaning the house, cleaning my house, taking stupid pictures, talking about everything, laughing about everything, feeling so comfortable and happy together. Watching Angels in the Outfield and tearing up at the end. This is what the day is like when I spend the whole day with you: one big moment of happy.

.i love you.

Terrell Wiebe. Where do I even begin? You are impossible not to love. I never have as much fun with anyone as I do with you. I love how lame we are together but how our lameness makes us awesome to me. No one understands me or knows me like he does. He listens to me, and what I say matters to him. He puts up with all my crap and loves me more for it. Why? I’m not so sure, but I’m so glad he does. I feel so blessed to have such a strong, intelligent, caring, giving, loving, fun, dedicated and not to mention good looking man of God in my life. He challenges me, he cares for me. He believes in me when I don’t; he is strong for me when I am at my weakest point. He holds me when I need it, he prays for me when I need it, he encourages me when I need it. He takes care of me when I’m sick. The love he shows me reflects the love that God has for me (unconditional, overwhelming). Its like through loving him everything makes more sense to me, and the more I grow to love him the more I grow to love God as well. He makes me so happy and he makes me feel beautiful. He is my safe place, my best friend. I can tell him anything. And no matter where I am, I find comfort in his nearness. In his arms I am home.

day five.

Sing…sing a song…

Stop and stare, I think I’m moving but I’m going nowhere.

- OneRepublic, Stop and Stare (Dreaming Out Loud)

Stop right now, thank you very much...

I am oh so grateful for sleep and its healing powers. I had such a migraine when I went to bed last night I thought I was going to throw up. I could hardly function, I just fell into bed. But I felt so good this morning when I woke up – ready to eat and actually function and have a day. I am also so grateful for my amazing experience in Africa. All day, with the heat, seeing many Africans today and eating supper at an Ethiopian restaurant has had me under the delusion that I am in Africa again. I had to keep telling myself today, you’re in Canada. It made me miss it there, and holy crap I am so grateful for that experience. I wouldn’t change it for anything in the world and I am excited to hopefully return some day.

I want you to want me…

I want the next week to fly so we can go to Waterloo to see Ryan and Alecia on the weekend! I want my sunburned scalp to not peel. I want to wake up tomorrow feeling even better than I do today. I want my family to have fun and great weekend, and I want to watch Get Smart with them!

You make me so very happy…

Watching the blind runners today at the Canadian Olympic Trials for track and field was so cool. It was an amazing and inspiring thing to watch. There were these Paralympic athletes and they were attached to a guide runner by a bracelet that connected their wrists. They ran simultaneously, stride for stride. And they RAN, like they we just giving it down the track. It was really quite beautiful to watch. I can’t imagine running blind. Imagine the trust that goes into that! I guess in some ways life is like that, running blind with all your might, completely trusting your Guide to direct you and make sure you don’t fall before you cross the finish line. And if you do fall, your guide is there to pick you up and keep running.

I love you I love you I love you I love you…

I love my mommy! There is no one quite like her. It’s actually really hard to put to words what my mom means to me and is to me. I love how much closer we have gotten over the past few years, as I’ve grown up and we have so much more to talk about. I feel like I am at this really great age to learn from her, and I want to learn all I can. I feel like she has so much to teach me about being a woman. I can learn so much from her because she has shown me what it looks like to be an amazing woman of God, wife, mother, colleague, church leader, teacher and friend. I love how we can talk about anything from school to friendships to faith to love to So You Think You Can Dance. She edits all my essays and has patience coming out the wazoo. She never gets mad at me even though I am really horrible with keeping in touch. Plus she lets me make fun of her all the time (“IS it?!”) and is one of the funniest people on the planet. And above all I know she loves me, all the time, no matter what. Her support means the world to me. I miss watching SYTYCD with her. Its really not the same.

day four.

Sing-a-long:

When I go down, I go down hard, and I take everything I’ve learned and teach myself some disregard. When I go down, it hurts to hit the bottom…

-Relient K, When I Go Down (Mmhmm)

Thanks for:

My coworkers, who care about me enough to drive me to the doctor on my lunch break. Even though I didn’t get to see the doctor I did enjoy them fussing over me and apologizing for using bad language in front of me…lol! It was impossible to get any work done this afternoon, not only because I was exhausted and felt like crap, but because they were stopping in every five minutes to make sure I was alright.

I want:

To feel better!!! To stop having migraines which make me nauseous. To wake up tomorrow feeling 100%.

Happiness is:

Seeing Terrell standing in the lobby at work when he came to pick me. I was so ready to go home by that point and seeing him there made me so happy. That and crying in exhausted frustration while he just held me and let me cry…that was just what I needed, to release and to be loved and feel so cared for in that moment was amazing.

I love:

Kristin called me today to see how I was doing. Ah, I miss her! She’s like a sister and a friend all in one, and probably the closest girlfriend I have. We share the same sexy man laugh, and we are so cool when we’re together. She is actually the most beautiful person on earth. She is such a strong, graceful, compassionate woman of God who I know is a joy to have as a sister and, I’m sure, as a daughter, wife and friend too.

day three.

Lyric:

Without love, life is like a beat that you can’t follow.

- Elijah Kelly, Without Love (Hairspray Soundtrack)

Grateful:

I truly have the best boyfriend ever. I sound like a broken record but its true! Feeling sick becomes 10x less bad when he’s around because he takes such good care of me, brings me ginger ale and gets me books from the library. Especially when I’m away from home and sick, its so amazing to have someone realize how hard that is and take such good care of you. He’s like my piece of home here.

Desire:

I am SO SICK of feeling sick!! Being nauseous is actually the worst thing in the world, and I have been nauseous on and off for the last two weeks. Its driving me nuts. My stomach and back hurt too, and I really have no idea what the crap is wrong with me. I hate that! I just want to get sick and get it over with already and then start recovering. Honestly.

Happiness:

Watching Christina Chen videos on youtube with Danaka at the end of the day. The best part was when she started high kicking and we both gasped in shock and then laughed so hard we cried.

Love:

How Bruce lets me watch So You Think You Can Dance every week, even when the Blue Jays are playing (and winning, which is quite rare). And then he ‘reads’ while its on, until he can’t stand the sound of Mary Murphy’s voice anymore and has to leave. Oh I appreciate that. He makes me happy.

day two.

1. Song o’ the day:

Can anybody out there hear me? 'Cause I can't seem to hear myself. Can anybody out there see me? 'Cause I can't seem to see myself. There's gotta be a heaven somewhere. Can you save me from this hell? Can anybody out there feel me? 'Cause I can't seem to feel myself…

-Justin Timberlake, Losing My Way (FutureSex/Lovesounds)

2. I am grateful for:

I am so very grateful that I get to see my boyfriend every single day. I remember how sucky the distance has been in the past, and this summer I never have to do that. I actually get to see how/that I do fit into his life, get to know his family better, and hang out with and grow to love his friends. Even if we don’t hang out for hours on end each day, it’s still so nice to see him. Oh man I love it!

3. I’ll tell you what I want, what I really really want…

I really want the school year coming up to be a success. I was looking at my school stuff today, at when exams and holidays are, and I am excited! I am hoping it all goes without a hitch, I just really want to have an enjoyable last year at CMU. I am excited to see my friends and I just really want to find the perfect balance between school, friends and Terrell next year.

4. This makes me happy:

Getting driven home by Terrell in the pouring rain, with him barefoot, seatbeltless and in his pajamas. Watching amazing lightening and listening to the rain hit the roof of my house. Baking cookies.

5. Can anybody find meee somebody to love?

Nonie makes me LAUGH. She is such a funny person, so kind and so scatterbrained sometimes. She puts up with merciless teasing; she yells at computers with me, she talks to me about hair removal and other girly things. She will punch lamps while dancing to Flo Rida. At the start of every Corner Gas episode she says, “Oh, this one’s funny!” She eats almost as much ice cream as me. She is beautiful, inside and out, and so strong. She gives so much of her self to her family, to serving God, and to her passions. I know she is striving to be the woman, wife, mother and friend that God wants her to be, and in my opinion she is doing a great job! She has been such a friend to me this summer which is exactly what I’ve needed. It is rare that I don’t laugh when I hang out with Nonie. I am very glad she is Terrell’s mom because it’s given me the opportunity to have her as a part of my life.

day one.

The 40 Day Challenge.

Write everyday for 40 days answering these 5 questions:

1. one song lyric stuck in my head today.

2. what I am grateful for.

3. one thing I really want.

4. what was one moment of pure happiness today.

5. write about one person in my life that I love.

-- I was inspired to do this by my beautiful friend Leanne. I hope that by doing this I will be reminded of the good things in my life every day, and to get a desire to start blogging again. --

1. Song lyric harassing my brain today:

Well I sold my soul to Jesus and since then I’ve had no fun. – Laura Marling, The Captain and the Hourglass (Alas I Cannot Swim)

(It’s horrible, I know. Its just to the catchiest melody ever. Her CD tells me she has had a very bad experience with religion on the whole. I keep trying to remove it from my head by substituting the word ‘more’ for ‘no.’)

2. What I am grateful for:

This most wonderful day off to do something nice for people who are nice to me. I loved having time to bake and do dishes for the Wiebes and felt productive and restful all at once. The sun today has been amazing too.

3. What I wanted today:

I really wanted Terrell to not work late and to hang out with him, just relax and talk and laugh. And we got to do that! Watching Family Feud (they uh…stuff themselves into clothes) and America’s Got Talent while eating mouth-burning chips, giving massages and laughing was an excellent way to spend the evening.

4. Pure happiness:

Sitting on a bench with Terrell on this gorgeous day eating a hamburger and dripping relish on all my extremities (thigh and bicep. What is that, honestly?). When he smiled at me and said, “I’m happy you’re here.”

When after eating the supper I made (and a cinnamon bun I made too), Bruce said, “That was delicious.”

5. Somebody I loooooove:

Is it weird that I really want to say God? I mean He is somebody I love. Today I was reading my prayer journal that I’ve had since Outtatown and write in sporadically. I was reading all the things I wrote last summer, how happy I was and how God just filled me with joy every single day when I really needed it. It was a real interesting read, because I was so darn HONEST every time I wrote, whether I was happy or mad or sad or frustrated, I was so honest with God. Because I think He’s the only one who I can be that honest with, and I LOVE that. There is so much freedom there, knowing I can say anything to God and He loves me the same. I mean I can be honest with Terrell (and I am), but there is something so amazing about pouring your heart out to a God who cares. God is so faithful to me. In the winter I prayed that I would go wherever He called me this summer and be happy there doing whatever I had to do because I knew that was where He wanted me to be. So that’s what I’m doing. And that’s why I love God – He really does grant all the desires of the heart.

the hand that holds the world.

No greater joy

Is there than this

To know for what

We're meant to live

To hold Your hand

To touch Your face

To find ourselves

In loves embrace

I want to stand before the King

Join in the song that heaven sings

I want to hold the hand that holds the world

I want to know the mystery

Reach out and touch the majesty

I want to hold the hand that holds the world

No greater love

Could be bestowed

That You would name us as your own

Your daughters sing

Your sons rejoice

They gather here before Your throne

You are, You are

The author of creation

We are, the children of your heart

You are, You are,

The light of all the heaven

We rise, to worship all You are

la vie en leamington

well, here i am, approaching my third week in leamington, land of many tomatoes. in my time here i have seen many friendly faces, a heinz plant, a play, narnia, the town's biggest yard sale, approximately 14 episodes of jeopardy, 1.8 seasons of corner gas, and the bee movie. also, lots of sun, some lightening, beautiful flowers and an abundance of ice cream.
in other news, i have a job, a house, and a wonderful boyfriend who has wonderful parents who have taken such wonderful care of me and made me feel, well, wonderful.
sadly lacking in leamington are anyone under the names jody r. b., owen, m. b., kristin r. b. l., tyler l., jordan p. b., and one brynne k. h. if anyone has any idea of their whereabouts, please send them to leamington immediately.
also, if anyone has a cure to pre-first-day-of-work-nerves, please contact janna here.
over and out.

Life Is a Musical!

this video just made my day! i would love to do something like this.

the feeling of summer.

"it feels like summer."
ever heard that?
i hear people say that all the time, if the sun is shining and the birds are chirping
it feels like summer.
i whole heartedly agree that summer is a feeling, not just a season.
but summer is not just sun tans, beaches, and ice cream.
summer is a feeling.
i'm not talking about warm cars, sandy feet, hot sun kind of feeling.
or lazy day, sleeping in, stress-free kind of feelings.
summer is a feeling deep in my stomach, an uneasiness.
a restlessness of my heart.
summer is an ache, a pain, an upset.
summer is a cold, hurting wave across my entire body.
summer feels like someone is constantly squeezing my heart, tighter and tighter
or like a grown man is sitting on my chest, restricting my breathing.
summer is a physical distress to my body.
i felt it instantly when i pulled into my driveway after dropping terrell off
today and it has gripped me since that moment.
i can't believe i forgot what it felt like.
it just feels like something very essential is missing.
it feels cold no matter how warm the sun is.
summer feels like something is constantly wrong, and that is simply because
you're not here.

i look upon your hill

-seven places-

I look upon Your hill

Your broken body hanging still

Your blood drips down

Your face and brow

You brought me life through death

No greater love than this

Surely He's borne our grief

Carried our sorrow

Though we've gone astray

It's by His stripes and wounds

We were healed

On that glorious day

Oh Lord, You've worn the crown

I've placed upon

Your head

Oh Lord, I've pierced Your hands

Yet Your blood declares my innocence

he died for us - its too amazing to even fathom.

and then he rose.

and now he interecedes for us

and the right hand of God.

we are so blessed!

heath.

so heath ledger died today.
i know he's a celebrity and all but i am sad.
i cried when i found out.
i am still in shock.
he was so young!
with a baby.
and a future.
such a tragic, needless death.
he was such a big part of my teen years.
like what girl didn't have him on her wall?
or dream of him singing to her?
sadness.
i feel like a piece of my growing up has died.
and this makes me sad.
the worst part it that people are mad that i'm upset.
because thousands of people die everyday.
and this is blown out of proportion.
but he was a real person too.
someone's father.
someone's son.
someone's friend.
and that makes me sad.
i think i'll be in shock for a while...
rest soundly, heath.

surely we can change.

And the problem is this
We were bought with a kiss
But the cheek still turned
Even when it wasn't hit
And I don't know
What to do with a love like that
And I don't know
How to be a love like that
When all the love in the world
Is right here among us
And hatred too
And so we must choose
What our hands will do
Where there is pain
Let there be grace
Where there is suffering
Bring serenity
For those afraid
Help them be brave
Where there is misery
Bring expectancy
And surely we can change
Surely we can change
Something
And the problem it seems
Is with you and me
Not the Love who came
To repair everything
Where there is pain
Let us bring grace
Where there is suffering
Bring serenity
For those afraid
Let us be brave
Where there is misery
Let us bring them relief
And surely we can change
Surely we can change
The whole world's about to change.
-david crowder band-

merry christmas.

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning.
Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.
There came a man who was sent from God; his name was John. He came as a witness to testify concerning that light, so that through him all men might believe. He himself was not the light; he came only as a witness to the light. The true light that gives light to every man was coming into the world.
He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God- children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God.
The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.

John testifies concerning him. He cries out, saying, "This was he of whom I said, 'He who comes after me has surpassed me because he was before me.' " From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another. For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ. No one has ever seen God, but God the One and Only, who is at the Father's side, has made him known.

1 John 1:1-18

glorious impossible.

its two weeks today until christmas! enjoy this amazing song by the GVB.

its the same version as our Christmas in South Africa DVD.

christmas gala

so a week ago today was the christmas gala at cmu - everyone dresses up beautifully and we basically eat food, take a ton of pictures and then dance our butts off in the blau. so fun. and i just like seeing all the guys in suits and all the girls who never wear makeup with their hair in ringlets and dresses. its a grand old time, and was 100x better this year without the boring program! here are some pictures of the festivities. :)

terrell and i at the table.

with josh reimer - so glad he's here to stay!

my ladies - i pray with them every wednesday!

i think i am dizzy from justin's vest.

at the dance afterwards, i love how many people we fit into this picture.

i love them all!

i am in love with this picture.

now i have 3 more exams (almost two) and 5 days until i fly to terrell's house. i am so excited! i am sad to miss stuff at home but i know how special it is that terrell and his parents want me there for a special day. i am excited! i just want it to be saturday. 5 more days...

ever with me.

Oh Lord, the Spirit of love abiding
The voice in the darkness guiding
Hear my prayer.
Be in my head and in my understanding.
Be in my eyes and in my looking.
Be in my mouth and in my speaking.
Be in my heart and always in my thinking.
Lead me Lord.
Lead me in Thy paths of peace.
Make You way plain before my eyes.
For it is only by your guidance
Only by You tender love that I may dwell in safety,
Dwell in safety.
God be in my head and in my understanding.
God be in my eyes and in my looking.
God be in my mouth and in my speaking.
God be in my life and in my breathing.
God be in my heart and in my loving.
God be in my thoughts and in my doing.
God be in my joy and in my laughing.
God be by my side, be my Protector.
God be at my end and with me ever
With me ever with me, ever.

-Gwyneth Walker

it's snowing again.

i like holding hands through mittens.

the moment.

i don't want to go to bed.
sleeping will officially end this weekend.
i don't want it to end!
it was too great...
too short...
i am not ready to go back to real life.
i want to go back to brandon.
to the apartment.
to my family.
to snuggling with you on the couch
and watching hockey.
to waffle stix and chocolate fondue.
to laughing too much.
to burgers at midnight.
to the newsboys concert
watching you dance and sing your heart out.
to eating fuzzy peaches on the bus
and talking about christmas.
gah.
living in the moment is hard sometimes.
the library awaits me tomorrow.
deadlines await me tomorrow.
but forget tomorrow.
right now memories call me.
thankfulness in my heart calls me.
praying, then sleeping calls me.
good night.

sorry everyone.

so i never post anymore.
life is just so busy!!
being an ra, a student, a room mate, a friend, a girlfriend, a daughter, a christian...
it takes up at lot of time.
sometimes i feel like i suck at them all.
sometimes i feel like i only suck at some of them.
but life goes on.
i go on.
we all gone on and press on through.
or we try to anyways.

maybe i shouldn't post when i'm so bogged down with work. lol.
back to the books...

too long!

ok, so its been way too long since i last posted, i apologise. life just gets crazy! so here is a one-sentence summary of the important things that happened.

1. i saw JOSH GROBAN live in concert!!! it was life-alteringly amazing, i bawled through most of it, GAH i love him.
2. i crashed a car - on the way to ashley's house for her birthday. henk and i lived, the car did not...oops.
3. henk came home! its been good to see him.
4. i led song actions for vbs with jodi on my lunchbreaks all of last week. it was so much fun; exhausting but rewarding.
5. al came to visit with her boyfriend on friday - sarah, rob and i joined them for supper and a movie and it was absolutely lovely to see them all.
6. i saw hairspray again in theatres. be still my heart.
7. i worked saturday and then had a party at my house which was so fun. i love camp fires.
8. sunday was jordan's 24th birthday party, my word my brother is old!
9. on monday at work it stunk like skunk and we found a dying baby one inside the building. john killed it with a shovel, and i cried (i would like to point out that he ended its suffering, it was in real bad shape).
10. yesterday was terrell's 20th birthday! so happy birthday to my guy. :)

and now ashley is here. today i pulled a bee out of my pocket and it was scary. and the mama skunk is in our building. oy! one week until i am in winnipeg, i am so excited but have so much to do! two more days of work and 7 more until i see terrell...sigh. life is happy.

what i know

1. i really don't like being called "jan" by people who don't know me well. friends, family, they can call me that - they know me. but people who i've just met only call me "jan" because they don't remember my actual name, and that bothers me!! this kid at work called me that and i was like, no.

2. drunk driving is never, ever cool. i don't care if you do it in the country, or give it a catchy name like "booze cruising", it doesn't make the possibility of death and injury cool. its completely idiotic and i really am frustrated by how popular it is in our area. oy.

3. you don't need to go overseas to be a missionary. at work this kid asked me if i was into church. i said, "well i don't know if i'm into church, but i'm into god." he made a comment about being religious and "into all your gods" and i said, "oh no, not 'gods', i believe that there is only one god." and he gathered from that that i was 'less religious' or less of a christian because i only believed in one god, as if by believing in more gave me more faith. so it just goes to show that even in our own communities some people have absolutely no idea about christian spirituality, or even about god, and that there is always a window of opportunity to step in there.

4. my aunt's boyfriend is awesome, a total keeper and the whole family loves him. excellent!

5. its much more fun to meet distant relatives now than it was when i was little because now i'm an adult and actually have things to talk about with them. its even better when they actually feel like they're your family and you feel like a part of theirs.

i love you.

cutest, best commercial of my life!

good morning baltimore

well guys, its almost august! can you believe it?
this summer is ridic.
well i am pooped after two fun weekends in a row. last weekend i went to the peg with nash and leanne and it was SO much fun! got home at 2 am on sunday and i definitely worked at 8:30 the next day. good stuff.

this past weekend i helped with some home renovation and painting and then went to brandon with ash to see hairspray with brynne. best movie ever!! it was so much funnier than i expected, and seriously such an empowering film. it covers issues like being different and embracing it, accepting people that are different (whether its race or size or whatever), standing up for whats right, and really chasing after your dreams. so many times in the movie i was applauding just because i was so pumped up and so happy! and the music was great too. basically i want to see it again - right now. and then supper and cheesecake with dan man. and a wedding registry. ha ha! after a failed attempt at mini golf, we went glo bowling where we danced to hollaback girl and listen to your heart. so fun! once again got home too late and then i sang at church. then there was a shower and then off to salt lake with ash, curtis, and michael. it truly was the only was to cool off and dingys made it even more fun! i laughed too much and ate too much brownie and played way too much bubble bobble (original nintendo baby). curtis and i even wrote a song to the irritating music. we managed to tag team it and defeat all 100 levels and the final boss. yup, we're awesome (and by us i mean curtis and michael, because ash and i weren't much help i don't think). but it was so much fun to hang out and laugh too much. GEEEB!

its too hot. officially. i am constantly dizzy at work and its very smelly there.

i feel like i could say more about life and hairspray etc but i think it calls for a seperate post. so until then, my lovelies!

ps i see terrell in less than a month - boo ya kashaw!

10 excalmations

1. i am feeling better!
2. today i rode in the parade on the town's float!
3. i ate too much candy!
4. i am excited about home renovations!
5. it was really hot all day!
6. i love sytycd!
7. wednesday nights with ashley are the best!
8. canadian idol sucks!
9. i am pretty tired right now!
10. traveler is the craziest show EVER!

terrell should like this post - no one loves exclamation points quite like him.

Paging Dr. House

so i've been feeling crappy since wednesday, and after an unsuccessful trip to the doctor here i am on sunday, missing church and feeling like a poop sandwhich. i wish i could report better but i woke up on saturday feeling worse than ever - which is unfortch bc i was really feeling quite a bit better friday evening. now my throat is seriously KILLING me, it feels like my left eardrum is about to explode, and swallowing is basically impossible. so dad took me to the hospital where they took blood and tested me for mono. the results came back negative, but my over swollen glands (you can see them bulging on either side in my neck, two rock hard ping pong ball sized lumps that hurt like a you-know-what), inability to talk, and high fever concerned him, as did my "concerning overly high" white blood cell count (which means that my body is producing more trying to fight off some kind of infection), so he put me on some meds of some sort, i have to take three ginormous horse pills a day. yesterday all i did was take two two hour naps, and sat up for an hour inbetween. last night i forced down food bc i haven't eaten properly since wednesday because swallowing is too painful. i feel like i have definitely od-ed on advil and tylenol trying to kill the renlentless fever, and cough candies make me nauceous/do absolutely nothing. so please, pray for me, because if i don't get better i will definitely be missing a lot more work and really the pain right now is inbearable. i think my infection is moving: before it was the right side of my throat and ear, than the left, and now my left ear is like super death! i really dont understand what is wrong with my body. even if my throat problem goes away i could at least function. so yes, prayer would be nice. thanks.

thoughts.

lately i have been tired.
tired but happy.
which is good.
i like being happy.
i have also been busy.
which is great.
have i mentioned that i love my job?
and how good god is to me?
i feel like these past few weeks he's been more than god to me.
he's been my friend.
and i love that!
i've been keeping a prayer journal and its going great.
i like looking back to see how he's answered prayers.
yup god's good.
and now terrell's on the phone so i gotta go.

time with terrell

so its officially been a week since i left terrell's, so its about time i tell about it!

well, firstly i got to brynne's and we had a fun adventure of shoppers drug mart, construction sights, hair straightening and so you think you can dance. after very little sleep, we headed off to the airport where i checked in and boarded soon after. i flew next to a kind of creepy man to toronto, and from there to (on the smallest plane EVER) london! terrell was waiting when i got there, and i shook through our entire reunion - i'll blame it on excitement and ridic turbulence!

so we drove back to his place and unpacked my stuff. i think we hung out with his dad and chilled and then went to pick his mom up at work, because we were going to detroit for a david crowder concert!!

i know, can you believe it? it was pretty amazing - he sounds AWESOME live!! we were so close too! i think nonie was more excited than either of us, ha ha! although he sang my favorite songs so i was thrilled. it was a great time of worship and so much fun, a dream fulfilled!

the next day we chilled and watched 'myth busters', which had this guy with some amazing facial expressions that made us nearly die laughing. we ate lunch (well they ate, i was nauseous most of the weekend), played pool and frisbee outside and picked nonie up at work again and drove once again to the united states. my passport got a workout! we ate at TGIFriday's and continued on to our destination - gotta love super 8s! first we shopped and terrell bought him and myself the two heaviest books in the store, then we hung at the hotel and watched 'the pacifier' on tv. i got my own room at the hotel, it was so sweet!!

the next day we drove to frankenmuth, mich, and went to the world's largest christmas store. it. was. so. HUGE! and fantastic! you really need to see it to believe it! its 5 acres of tacky christmas amazingness! we took a lot of pictures.

after lunch at a sweet restaurant in town we checked out some shops and then drove back over the canadian border to this sweet beach town, where i think we were the only 4 people wearing shirts. or pants for that matter! that aside, terrell and i took a stroll down the beach. we had a light supper and then went to huron country playhouse to see 'cats', which actually rocked my world! the sets were fantastic, as was the makeup, costumes, singing and dancing! the plot was stupid and made no sense, but the show was brilliant, i loved it! we got home after midnight and hit the sac immediately.

sunday was the best day ever. slept in, showered, ate a delishious brunch, hung out with terrell, played dominos with him and his mom, lost horribly, went to grad where terrell wons lots of money! came home, looked at our scrapbook, ate supper, went to ryan's house where he, ben, darren, kelly and us played frisbee and roasted marshmellows. it was so much fun! it was great to hang out with his friends, and spend time with sandra and kelly. that whole night was perfect too - it was great just talking, laughing, tickling, and eating fruit loops! and i gave terrell a great new nickname! ha ha.

it really was the perfect trip. i wouldn't change a thing about it - well maybe it'd be longer...oh and my flight wouldn't be delayed and hour and a half. but it really was perfect. i got to spend so much time with him and his parents, and saw some great things and had a lot of fun. its hard to come home knowing it will be so long until i see him again, but i know time will go by fast, and that god will give me joy when i need it. and i now remember just how good it is to see him after a break from each other, so i anticipate august 29 so much more!

me and my sherrell terriff!

beautiful

i am now even more convinced that wade robson is a genius. he choreographed this beautiful dance between jaimie and hok on so you think you can dance. its a love story between a flower and a humingbird, hok as the bird and jaimie the flower. at first she grows, and they are wary of eachother at first but soon....well just watch it. its maybe the most beautiful thing i've ever seen. and this is why i love dance - expression without words. amazing.

EDIT: i need to post about terrell's and i will...soon.

tomorrow, tomorrow...

...you're only a day away.

no words.

tomorrow i am going to winnipeg after work.

and spending the night with brynne.

then, bright and early, leamington, (and more importantly) terrell-ho!

ha ha it sounds like i'm calling him a ho. that makes me laugh.

he's no ho.

so i am packed, anxious, and so excited i feel nauceous.

like i could seriously yak. i don't know if its terrell or illness...

i'm cool like that.

today is going to be fun! going to brandon with brynne. gonna get my hair cut, eat some seafood, and buy nothing because i'm poor! ha ha!

well maybe i'll buy something...

so i will be at terrell's house in 5 days, that makes me so happy its retarded! cause i get to see him! and take a break from work! and see a DAVID CROWDER concert!!

thats right, be jealous!!

work is good, i am officially off of the probation period which is nice. so now they have to keep me all summer, suckers. started at the dump this week, just for the afternoon. my boss, johnny (who i just adore) went in and made them clean up, put up a mirror, and took dirty pictures off the wall, telling me that this was "no place for a lady." it was so cute, they guys said he's never kicked up such a fuss over a summer student so he must really like me. that made me feel special! i am going to bake him cookies sometime, he's great.

the dump is gross. please, for the love of all things holy, rinse out your recyclables!! it makes my job of sorting them so much more pleasant. nothing is grosser than sorting out a bag where everything is covered in pasta sauce and the milk jugs still have milk in them. *shudder* and seriously it takes like 5 seconds to rinse stuff like that out. honestly. so do it for your friendly neighborhood recyclables sorter. they will appreciate it.

excited!

sorry i've been so lazy lately, not even posting about my first week of work. i was just too pooped! mowing lawns for 7 hours a day in freezing windy weather has been exhausting. but i really enjoy it, more than my job last summer, even though i am working ten times as hard and making minimum wage instead of making $10 an hour to talk to brynne on the phone and read people magazines. its physically strenuous but i find it really enjoyable beautifying the town. no tan so far - its been SO COLD all week that i wear a tank top, t-shirt, long sleeve fleece, my coveralls (yup i wear coveralls), another fleece and then my windcoat, plus a touque and work gloves...its cold stuff! it makes peeing a process. hopefully it stays warm like it has today, my ears can't take that freezing wind much longer. i eat lunch at my baba's every day which is sweet, she feeds me too much. and then i come home, shower and veg all evening. i really wish i had energy to work out still, but i just can't. maybe next week i'll be less tired by my 8:30 start to the day. anyhoo i leave for terrell's in 12 days, i am FLIPPING EXCITED. goodness! so excited i could just...yeah i am pumped. by then it will have been 2 months since i last saw him. he's well worth the wait. so thats exciting!!

tonight is my mom's birthday party, so i'm psyched for lots of people and food. and this nice weather! oh and ps my sister graduated from u of m thursday with a degree in social work, and today she bought a wedding dress. and SYTYCD! bascially life is exciting.

Un-Free Paris

Ok so apparently a judge ordered that Paris be sent back to jail this morning. Its all quite dramatic:

Paris Hilton was sent screaming and crying back to jail Friday after a judge ruled that she must serve out her sentence behind bars rather than in the comfort of her Hollywood Hills home. "It's not right!" shouted Hilton, who violated her probation in a reckless driving case. "Mom!" she cried out to her mother. Hours earlier, the 26-year-old hotel heiress was taken handcuffed from her home in a black-and-white police car, paparazzi sprinting in pursuit and helicopters broadcasting live from above. She entered the courtroom disheveled and weeping, hair askew, without makeup, wearing a fuzzy gray sweat shirt over slacks.
Before Judge Sauer, Hilton's entire body trembled as the final pitch was made for her further incarceration. She clutched a ball of tissue and tears ran down her face. Seconds later, the judge announced his decision: "The defendant is remanded to county jail to serve the remainder of her 45-day sentence. This order is forthwith."

Hilton screamed. Eight deputies immediately ordered all spectators out of the courtroom. Hilton's mother, Kathy, threw her arms around her husband, Rick, and sobbed uncontrollably. Deputies escorted Hilton out of the room, holding each of her arms as she looked back.

The dramatics are so unnecessary! Oh my word. Good for the judge though, I would be ticked if a sherriff who has the hots for Paris overruled my authority!

Free Paris

ok so paris hilton went to jail for 5 days and cried so much they sent her home. is that pathetic or what? i guess her dad owns half the city so they have to listen to him...i found this on msn.com and it looks really long but i think its worth the read. it pretty much discribes how i feel about it too!

By Michael Ventre, MSNBC contributor

If Johnny The Fence, doing a stretch of two to five years, wants to get out of the stir, all he has to do is claim that his back hurts and he can no longer endure the strain of prison life. If Dave the Meth Dealer, scheduled to be incarcerated for the next five years, doesn’t like spending his days behind bars, he can just call for the doctor and say he’s having migraines and needs to be home in his own bed. Worse, if Lance the TV Star gets a couple of DUIs and can’t quite cope without his hot tub and his Porsche, all he has to do is hire a high-powered attorney who specializes in helping the rich and famous avoid responsibility.

Which brings us to Paris Hilton, up until Thursday the most famous prison inmate in the country. But authorities have decided that, after “extensive consultation with Los Angeles County medical personnel,” she is finished with her sentence after just five days, and will now serve the rest of her time at home, wearing an ankle bracelet.

No word yet on whether Paris will be free to roam wherever she wants until a custom-made, diamond-studded ankle bracelet is delivered by Tiffany’s, but you know that’s coming.I’m no legal expert, but I know enough as a private citizen to understand the importance of precedent. And this sets a horrible precedent.

Paris Hilton had already been coddled beyond belief. She had been sentenced to 45 days in prison for violating the terms of her probation on an alcohol-related reckless driving case. She didn’t get it. She reasoned that just because the law requires a person to spend time in jail if they don’t comply with the terms of her probation doesn’t mean she can’t drive around without a suspended license.

Then when she appeared before a judge, she claimed she didn’t know, that she was told by her publicist, Elliot Mintz, that it was all right to drive around under those circumstances. Then she fired her publicist before hiring him right back. Then she whined about how unfair it all was. Her quote: “I feel I was treated unfairly and that the sentence is both cruel and unwarranted. I don’t deserve this.” She neglected to mention how cruel it would have been had she killed somebody while driving under the influence (word!).

Her mother, Kathy Hilton, otherwise known as “The Enabler,” called her original 45-day sentence “pathetic and disgusting, a waste of taxpayers’ money” and “It is a joke.”Then some of her friends suggested going to Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger to seek a pardon. One of them even wrote Arnold a letter, claiming Hilton should go free because “she provides beauty and excitement to most of our mundane lives.” I don’t know if it’s possible for a governor to veto a letter, but Arnold should have looked into it in this case.

That fan letter also claimed this: “She provides hope for young people all over the U.S. and the world.” I’m sure she does now that she managed to weasel out of a 45-day jail sentence after just five days. I’m sure there are guys on death row who think anything’s possible now.

Paris Hilton was originally scheduled to serve 45 days in prison. Almost immediately, it was cut down to 23 days because of a good-behavior discount credited in advance. And now, after five days and several reports from bloggers and gossip sites that she cried a few times and didn’t like the accommodations, she was allowed to go home. I know it sounds incredibly naïve, but what kind of a message does this send?

What about Tom Sizemore? The actor was just taken into custody on Wednesday for violating terms of his probation on a drug possession charge. If I were advising him, I would tell him that, instead of continuing to be 45, male and fairly nondescript, he should instead become 26, female and beautiful. Oh, and cry a lot. That would help. Law enforcement officials interpret that as a sign that you want to get out early.

For that matter, what about any celebrity now who gets pulled over for anything? Jail isn’t really a serious deterrent anymore, because if a celebrity is arrested, he or she will simply ask for “that Paris deal,” and he or she will probably get it, because a precedent has been set.

Paris Hilton already had her sentence reduced once, to just over three weeks. She didn’t have to endure the humiliation of a cavity search, which is standard. She was whisked through the intake process rather than have to stand and wait like all the other inmates. On top of all that, she wasn’t even exposed to the general prison population, but rather was kept secluded, in her own cell. So if Paris Hilton had medical issues, why wasn’t she brought to the infirmary? Better yet, if celebrity worshippers wanted her to continue to get special treatment, why didn’t they allow her own doctors to treat her? What medical issues could she have had that couldn’t be accommodated while she was behind bars?

What really appears to have happened is she was stricken with that most heinous of maladies: not getting her way. So, in their infinite wisdom, law enforcement officials gave her what she wanted.Granted, she didn’t get everything she wanted. She won’t be able to go clubbing for another couple of weeks or so, which in the celebrity realm is like being pilloried in the town square. She won’t be able to “provide beauty and excitement to most of our mundane lives” from home confinement, although that could change if somebody slips in a video camera. And, most important, she won’t be able to drive. After all, we wouldn’t want her to get in trouble and go to jail again.

God is Good

i just got a job! yesterday, an hour after my interview. its 10 mins from my house, working at a dump/recycling centre. sounds fun eh? but its work, and its regular hours, monday - friday, and thats what i'm all about. the cool part is that there were two positions available, one for mowing and painting, and the other for the dump, and they offered this one but also working the other position for the next three weeks starting monday (!!) and then taking my other job in july. its a grant job, and the grant is only for 10 weeks of work, but they are offering me 3 extra weeks just because (God is awesome!). too good! and i discussed time off with them and they were cool about it, so i am taking three days off and going to see terrell! i booked my flights this afternoon. i leave in like 22 days. seriously, everything has just fallen into place so quickly, i am so excited and so happy. i am nervous about my new job, but excited to start working so quickly. basically, i love life!!!

its all messed up but we're alive

so life is a crazy whirling thing.

but god is constant and that is good.

had a job interview on saturday and got a job at timmy ho's in brandon.

have another interview on tuesday for a job at home.

things could change a lot in the next 48 hours.

i might need to move. i might settle in.

went to eldin roth's funeral on saturday. it was very sad.

he was my dad's age. it made me grateful for all i have.

his wife...well it broke my heart. she will be hurting for awhile.

rode my bike to church today. in a skirt.

i love being at home just me and the rents. its fun.

i also love talking to terrell. even about nothing at all.

but i think i just love him in general. yeah thats most likely it.

christopher lee is 85 today. happy birthday saruman/count dooku.

Intense!

This is seriously amazing! Its the Gaither Vocal Band kickin it old school, Mark Lowry singing lead. Maybe the whole song isn't super interesting, but wait until you get to 3:32. My head almost exploded. That is some ridiculous, intense, arm wavingly moving harmony from three talented tenors. David Phelps, Michael English and Guy Penrod. Yikes!

what the...?

ok so i was just talking to brad at the play and he told me that HENK is coming home tomorrow! tomorrow!! why did i not know this? apparently he'll be here for nine days, which is ridiculously exceptionally exciting. i am pumped. but he's such a bum for not telling me. when i see him i will tell him he's a poo head, and thats a promise!

and i came home from the play just now and my parents have officially disappeared. i have no idea where they are, they left before me. i almost stayed for the after party because i was invited but i didn't feel like raining on their parade. hmm...

Pie Day

Today I spent the afternoon at Bakes' house and we made pie!! It was so fun. I ate too much crap and feel a little ill though, and like I can't put off working out much longer. A routine must begin!

If you'd like to see today's events click here. That should work.

Still no update on jobs. I feel a little better about it today. Yesterday I felt like a loser, it was not a good day. It was good to have fun today though!

Think I'm gonna go for a walk now.

EDIT: What a horrible night for television!! Renee kicked off America's Next Top Model by the hideous wisping ghoul-witch that is Tyra Banks (seriously, you should've seen her! whoever told her that long, flat, gray hair extensions were a good idea should be slapped!) even after they told her that her video & pic were the best. What is the point of the challenges then? They obvisouly mean nothing. Plus they called her "puffy" and "wrinkley", which was so unnecessary. That left big lipped small brained Natalie in the final two, boo!! At least she didn't win, but still! And then Melinda gets kicked off American Idol. What is wrong with people?! Its nights like this that I feel like not watching television ever again. Except CSI: New York was great tonight. Wow.

the end.

so tonight was the gilmore girls series finale - i really enjoyed it. it ended so happy and wonderfully, and wasn't super clichéd or anything. kinda reminded me of the everybody loves raymond finale in the sense that the show could've continued next season if it wanted to but was fine that it didn't.

i have had a headache for a week straight now - its getting really old! there are only so many drugs one can take!

i cannot wait until the provincial election is done! enough stupid commercials! since when did campaigning = insulting other candidates without any self promotion? its so childish, seeing all these old men make stupid commercials soley to insult one another. pathetic. call me old fashioned but that is so unsportsman-like. boo.

slowly everyone around me is becoming employed. is it my turn soon? i hope so.

my head is going to explode. have a great evening everyone.

EDIT: Alister McGrath is on The Hour right now discussing his new book, The Dawkins Delusion, and his body language is identical to Henk. It makes me happy and sad.

My Interesting Life

I've been home for three weeks now, I think. Yeah that sounds about right. So, an update from my post two weeks ago.

Nothing much to report on:
Still no job.
Still not much to do.
Still missing Terrell.
I still officially hate flossing.
I still miss eating ice cream.
I still wish Brynne was working at home this summer.
Went to Brandon yesterday.
Its cold in my house.
I am alone for the day.

EDIT: Here are some pics of my hair post-pink dye. My streaks are carmel-y and pretty.

Pink Haired Daddy

ok so last night i highlighted my hair (well kristin did it for me) and the dye was idiot proof, aka neon pink so you could tell what part of your hair you had streaked. so i was using pink bleach on my head, and my dad came in curiously. my dad has always had a weakness for blonde hair dye, and before you know it i'm piling neon pink goo on his head. next came the funniest photo shoot ever, and then the rinse - not only was his hair platinum blonde, but his scalp was still pink from the dye!! he looked a little like strawberry short cake. ha ha. it was pretty much amazing. here are some pictures for your enjoyment.

the side burns kill me.

eyes so blue and hair so...pink.

this is going on the anniversary cake.

cool song

here's a cool version of bon jovi song sung on american idol last week by blake lewis. i thought it was pretty sweet. apparently he could go tonight as every review i read said he was pretty bad last night. either way i thought this was a pretty sweet rendition of a popular song. enjoy!

pour your love down

We're worlds apart
The distance between us is just too great
Draw me close
Let me know You're near
The reason we sing is to bring down Your glory
Show us Your face
Pour Your love down
And cover me
Pour Your love down
And cover me
At Your feet I bow down and know that You are my King
The weight of life gets s w e p t away
The reason we sing is to bring down Your glory
Show us Your face
Show us Your face
Pour Your love down
And cover me
Pour Your love down
And cover me
In this moment I feel so alive
When You pour Your love down
Pour Your love down
And cover me
Pour Your love down
And cover me
Pour Your love down and cover me
Cover me with Your love
Pour Your love down and cover me

So I Switched...

So I switched to Google Blogger, although I fought long and hard against it, it was refusing to let me sign in until I did. It even said my password was wrong! Lame!

Nothing much to report on:
No job.
Not much to do.
Missing Terrell.
I officially hate flossing.
I miss eating ice cream.
I wish Brynne was working at home this summer.
Going to Brandon tomorrow.
I feel fat AND sassy!! ha ha. just jokes.

Yeah okay this was hardly worth switching for, what a terrible post. Have a good one.

a little confession

so...i like jojo.
yup, i said it!

she is so pretty and mature for her age (she just turned 16!) and has a good voice too for such a youngin'! i like her songs, they are usually cute and age appropriate. so yeah, i watched this music video of hers and thought i'd post it on here for all of you who secretly enjoy jojo as well.

I definitly learned a few things from this video:

1. "Its what you do, not what you say." Flirting with another girl when you are dating is not cool. JoJ0 says it like it is, telling her man he's 'disrespectful'. Man is she mature or what?

2. Don't accept large stuffed animals from your boyfriend because it looks awkward to throw out when you break up.

3. This is for all the men out there - don't treat your woman like poo, or else you will fail at everything in life, even the things you were once good at!

--terrell and i went to the ballet on tuesday. check this out.--

plans

let me just say this first - i HATE blogger!!! man it is one annoying operation! i DO NOT want to switch to google blogger, but the old blogger won't even let me sign in. i fought for 20 minutes to write this - NOT WORTH IT! man!

anyhoo, my life has revolved around plans lately.

homework and schedule plans.

ukranian christmas plans.

mom and dad visiting plans.

one year anniversary plans.

and summer plans.

summer.

the dreaded time of year.

usually.

it means no friends, no terrell, crappy job.

loneliness.

BUT! i have been making some plans.

and i am praying that they work out!

like for summer jobs - i hope to work at MYJC again.

i think i can do a better job this year, and they pay good, good hours.

AND! brynne is applying to be rec assistant!

so we would work together in the same office! and she would be home!

and i would have a friend!

man that would be amazing, and she'd be good at the job.

so i am so praying for that to work out!!

also, plans to go to terrell's this summer, and see scott on the way!

and see wicked in chicago! and spend like a week at terrell's!

its almost too perfect, and too much to handle.

so i am praying for that too.

i feel a peace about that stuff now.

i think that this is god telling me to trust him with stuff...

well i am hoping so anyways.

if brynne and i get those jobs this will be the best summer ever.

i hope my plans and god's plan are somewhat the same.

come and listen

i revisited david crowder band's 'a collision' album today.
so good.
i forgot how much i loved it.
i need to get to blessings and spend some of my birthday money.
whoo!
i don't know what i'll get.
maybe 'b collision', that would be sweet.
or a book?
i feel like i am so out of the christian loop.
i miss the good old days of audio a and dc talk.
they were always my first pick.
well them or skillet or earthsuit.
now its like....?
i don't even know who's out there!
i need to get out more i guess.
i think when i go to blessings i'll take terrell.
he knows his stuff.
now to find the time to go...

OOH! i forgot to mention that last week terrell and i played in a cpac mixed doubles tournament. it was pretty crazy - lots of teams from other schools and cmu's president gerald gerbrandt even made an appearance! anyhoo we did good - we got third out of ten teams. everyone said it would either make or break our relationship and i must say, after almost a year we're still going strong. :)

I Only Need One!

Is there any way to work off a double chin?

I lose weight and yet it remains.

I hate it!

by the way sorry for the lack of posting; blogger has been ticking me off lately and i have been swamped at school - a really bad cold, assignments due everyday (including a 3500 word essay!), RA applications, and outtatown friends visiting. its been crazy! i hope this month will be less crazy.

Choir Tour Funking

So I'm back from tour.
It was amazing.
I wish I could explain all the details but I don't think I can.
It was GREAT to be in a smaller community again, especially while travelling.
It reminded me of Outtatown in some ways.
It was wonderful even though everyone got the flu.
It just made everyone lift each other up.
I especially loved our devotional times together, they were very special.
I almost cried singing "The Lord Bless and Keep You" today.
Our conductor did.
Agh I am so NOT happy to be back in the real world.
The caf seemed too crowded, res seems too big.
There is more to do then sleep and sing.
Poo.
I feel emotional and weird.
I think I'll watch a movie and have a good cry, then go to bed.
I wish I could hang out with Terrell, but he's working hard on an essay.
He inspires me with his dedication to school.
I love that guy!
Ok, I am off.
Have a good one.

So I Turned 20 Today

So, its my birthday today...and I'm actually feeling a little sad.

I don't know if I like birthdays or not...I feel like I am getting to be a bit like my dad - as in I really make big deals out them/want to anyways. So we aren't really doing anything that I know of. Everyone was asking me what we're doing tonight and I was like, why do I need to plan it? Its my birthday, and it should be planned for me! Ha ha, seriously though, like I'd like to do stuff but I don't necessarily want to make people do things for me...

Gah I am feeling old and a little unspecial today, even with the phone calls and e-mails. I miss my family too like no one's business, shed a few tears about it just now. Plus Terrell's really busy so its not like I get to hang out with him all day, and Bakes went home. I feel lame, and selfish, and like I want to do something fun but I don't know what.

On the plus side I am not puking my guts out like I did last year.

Leaving for choir tour tomorrow...

Crazy Busy!

Sorry its been so long. February is officially hell month. I am going to be busy for a LONG time.

On a happy note, I spent Friday night at Allison Enns' house. It was excellent. I had a wonderful date with Terrell on Saturday and I went out for supper with him and his grandparents on Sunday. It was really nice! Then I hung out with Brynne and Scott and that was good as well. Happy Love Spooning Party! Whoo!

To top it all off I recieved some really exciting news on Wednesday and today I had a great chat with Tim Remple about being an RA in the block next year. I am going to apply and I feel as though he likes me and that will help me out a bit. :)

Supper soon! I hope its good! It smelled like perogies...I know it isn't...

Tonight I have a meeting and then WORK WORK WORK my little behind off.

Stupid 8-page long computer applications assignment!