Word Vomit

So I'm at work right now...geez its freezing in here. And my ears keep clicking. Perhaps the meds are finally working. For the past few days I've felt like I have tinitus, hearing an electrical whirring all the time. It was weird, I could hear it over my own whisper. Now they are clicking away, making whooshing sounds like they do after you go swimming and your ears are all full of water. Good ole ear infection. I miss my scarf. It kept me toasty warm and now I’m just like freezing my butt off. It was just cozy and comforting. I hope Baba brings me something nice and hot for supper. Like a baked potato with sour cream. And soup, that stuff she brought me before. Supper should be here soon, like in the next half hour because Baba likes to feed me at like 4:00 in the afternoon. I miss Brynne. We haven’t hung out in ever. We should get together and rent “A Lot Like Love’, I wanna see it. Even though it has Ashton Kutcher in it. I actually enjoy Punked, its some stupid garbage but it is so much fun to watch people like Eva Longoria and Mario freaking out or weeping because they got arrested or had am old lady accuse them of looking at her breasteses. Ha ha! Know what movie I want to see again? Mod Squad. Totally enjoyable, the best part of the movie is Claire Danes’ hair, so pretty and fun and it never looks bad, ever. That’s kind of irritating. Like me missing all this season of the OC! And Lost too. I’m saddened, I mean how will I know what happened to Marissa after she shot Trey? Is Ryan mad? Is Kirsten sober? Is Sandy still wonderful? Please tell me Seth and Summer and good and going strong and that Zach is gone and that annoying girl Jess is gone too. And in Lost, who are the others? Is that kid still alive? Does bimbo still love brown man? When will Kate and Dr. Wonderful get together? Will the adorable Chinese couple re-unite? Is Charlie going to use the drugs they found on the plane? Will angry bald man lose his ability to walk? You can tell I’m rusty already because I forget all their names. Sadness. Brat Camp is almost over, and I’m beginning to mourn already. The opening to that show is so spectacularly amazing that I want to like eat it. Everyone on earth should be jealous that they didn’t create it, I mean the pictures, words, and music are all just like perfect and amazing and inspired. I love it. And Isaiah’s hair, and the name Isaiah. And Shawn’s stoner voice, I love it. He almost cried and I got emotional. I could really go on forever about Brat Camp, so I should stop now. I wonder if I can e-mail CTV and buy a copy of the season? I’d do it too. I am so cold I could die. I am so pining for my scarf right now. Ah I want to go home and watch old episodes of the OC that I taped. Four more hours of work. You people should watch SYTYCD because its fun and the dancing is great. Jonnis is amazing and Canadian, he does all this exciting clowning stuff. It was a fun time anyhoo. All hearing has gone out of my right ear. Its weird and annoying. Brynne brought me a scarf, its warm and crazy long! I love the Killers new song. Two more hours of work. Label makers are so addicting! I want to go home and watch the Notebook and Untamed Heart. Both of those movies are upsetting and moving. Baba gave me chocolate cake stuff and its thrilling. This sucks I am so done with work and I want to go home! I’m going to go to the bathroom as soon as the Killers song finishes (it came on right after I typed that I love it. Uncanny or what?). “I’ve got soul, but I’m not a soldier.” Well now I only have one hour of work left, so I have to shut down the computer and cover it up for another year. Toodles! Thanks for coming out.

Crying a River

This is a sad sad day. I hate crying before I go to bed! I know it takes a really small and pathetic person to get so over-emotional and stupid over TV shows, but come on, even you were sad when Speed was killed on CSI: Miami, right? Was that just me? So I am sad because two of my favorite people were removed forever from my television tonight, and I've grown quite attatched to them, so I am mourning the loss.
Nick was like my favorite kid on Brat Camp, the most addicting and emotional show to ever grace my living room. Seriously! He's this little troubled guy with dyslexia who is 14 and can't read or tell you what 15 divided by 3 is, but he's so endearing and sweet that you just want to cry and embrace him. Which I did - well the crying part at least. He was a good boy who changed and promised not to try to kill his brother anymore and he left Sagewalk and went home tonight, away from my TV for always. I'm saddened. At least Shawn is still around - he makes me emotional too, when Mother Raven almost wept and touched his head...sigh. I will truely weep when he is gone for good.
I can't believe Josh was kicked off Canadian Idol! I miss a week and look what happened!! I mean Daryl going last week was crazy, but this is ridiculous. I just sat on my couch and bawled, what a man, what a genius, what a presence, what a talent, what an individual, what an OUTRAGE that those three girls beat him! He's such a lovely man, such a lovely spirit, he's better off without idol, but now I can't watch him every week. Everyone go to idol's official site and watch the video of him singing "In the Air Tonight", it will CHANGE YOUR LIFE. I just bawled. A crime, really.
So thats pretty much it for my rant. I only have 2 more days of work and like 2 weeks until Outtatown. I am going to wet myself I am so frightened!!!

I Love Qass

This is me and my beautiful friend Cassie at Joey's Only. I really miss her. Knowing Cassie is like knowing the person that you wish you were, you know? She's one of those people who makes you a better person just for hanging around her. She loves everybody genuinely because she sees us all as siblings in Christ and in return everyone loves her. I think I love her the most.
I miss her today.

I Heart VBS

Okay, so this week is VBS, and I am crazy busy, going to the church to prepare in the am, VBS from 1:00 - 3:30, and then working from 4:00 - 8:00. Crazy. But seriously, one hug from an adorable child makes it all worth it. I love those kids. This one kid, named Cory, looks like a Cabbage Patch Kid, just sweet and innocent. And these kids are SMART. They are so much fun, and maybe I'm jynxing myself by saying this on day 2, but they're pretty well behaved. I love it, and this is the first year that I've taught VBS where I feel like I'm doing it right, like I feel that God is giving me the right words to say to these kids. Its making me crazy excited to go to Africa and embrace and love and witness to beautiful African children. I am SO pumped, because this year's VBS is giving me all this experience. I actually might cry on the last day, I'm so thankful for all these kids and their willingness to learn about God. VBS is an amazing experience that I won't forget. Plus I get to do it with Curtis, and hanging out has been so much fun, with too many laughs to count (spitting ice cream, Mr. Doolots, juice powder, glittery signs, Chinese Codie, silly kid jokes), staying up way to late to get ready, He's just the best, and we could not do it without Kate. Thank God for Kate, our extra hand and voice of reason. AH it just rocks I am having so much fun! Thats pretty much it. :)

Canadian Idol - Week 4

Ok, its Big Band week on CI, which is odd because its usually one of the last themes. Oh well, lets see what our idols can do!
Suzi Rawn opened the show singing this song we listened to in Jazz Band. It sounded nothing like it. I must agree with my brother when he said during her performance, "some people just shouldn't try singing" because he hit the nail on the head. She suits the jazz stuff I guess, but it was very lounge singer-esque and mostly was sung by the crowd. Meh. Aaron's dancing was adorable!! This was his thing, he did it and it was great! Farley was finally like, "just embrace who you are!" and I agree. Good for Aaron, he should be proud of his ability. The worst performance of the night was by Melissa, singing "De-Lovely". It was more like "De-AWFUL" and "De-id not hit a note". It was awful, our judges don't even listen anymore. They just say what they want. Talk her up all you want, you did the same thing to Elena and she was eliminated pretty fast. I WANT TO MARRY JOSH. He shaved, pushed back his hair and looked so beautiful I wanted to explode. There is no reason why he shouldn't win. Can I marry him please? Wow, it was almost a religious experience. It was....wow. Wow wow WOW. The next best performance was by none other than Rex Goudy. He was simply amazing. Holy mother, I love him, he's so beautiful and real and emotional and honest and wow. Holy cleavage Casey! Thats not how I like to see my nice little girl. Her voice hardcore broke and she was boring as per usual. Daryl is the cutest guy ever. I mean dang, this kid can SING. My gosh! I want to hug him, the judges were unreasonably mean to him. LIKE SO MEAN. Evil Jake! And like you can talk Farley, in your ugly nasty old lady Easter hat. Yuck. They just jealous that he is so much better than Melissa and Suzi combined. Wow, thats actually a bad mental image.
Some other things to note - Zach actually dressed well tonight! Farley's hat is hideous. The band is AMAZING. And lastly, Ben Mulroney is the tallest person alive. He towers above everyone. Thought he looked ready to work the cruise ship, I still love him.
So...the bottom three is: Casey, Melissa, and Suzi (if Daryl, Josh, Rex or Aaron are in the bottom 3 heads will roll). And MELISSA GOES. Man I hope so!

BOO CANADA!!!

I can't BELIEVE that Amber got kicked off!!! What is wrong with Canada? YUCK YUCK YUCK! I want to throw something...
This is awful....its exactly like eliminating Kalan Porter third and leaving Manoah behind. Vomit. Filth. Yuck. I cannot find anything to say that is pleasant.
I dunno, if Zach doesn't give her a record deal....
I AM ANGRY. If I was one of those Brat Camp kids this post would be very different. Speaking of that show, it puts me in the hugest funk ever. I am currently angry to be a citizen of Canada. I feel like I am surrounded by clueless people. Have we turned into the US, where we choose Ruben over Clay? Vonzell over Nikko? A pretty face over any pinch of talent? I am disgusted by this choice, and will continue to be so.
This is depressing, Canadian Idol was so much better last year with Kalan, Josh, Shane, you know, people with talent. I guess now I'm pulling for Daryl. And Josh (who was in the bottom two - ridiculous!), a musical genious. Whatever, it obviously doesn't matter who has talent anymore.

Janna: Boo! Boo! Boo!
Canadian Public: Why do you do this?
Janna: Because you had talent in your hands, and you gave it up!
Canadian Public: But they would have eliminated Suzi if we hadn't done it.
Janna: Your next Canadian Idol was there. And you chose another. Amber saved you in the Top 10, and you treated her like garbage. And that's what you are, the Country of Refuse. So cheer her on now if you want, cheer to her. Cheer on, Country of Slime, Country of Filth, Country of Putrescence. Boo! Boo! Rubbish. Filth. Slime. Muck. Boo! Boo! Boo!

(Special thanks to the Princess Bride for the script.)

Canadian Idol - Week 3

Okay, so here I am for another night of Idol fun! It was 80’s week. Yeah I know, my favorite era of music. I was soooo excited about it too (note the sarcasm).
First of all, I love to say how happy I am to see Zack humiliated on national TV. Playing a clip of his old rock band…priceless. His hair was hilarious.
Anyhoo, Amber started the show. It was alright. I mean, sung well, but just…meh. I wanted chills and I just didn’t get them. Rex was next, and he looked splendid as usual. He was good, I mean I enjoyed it. He sang it like Rex. Ok, when Byrd says that you sang ‘okay’ and you’re about to perform in front of Canada…that’s the kiss of death. This is what was said to Casey in her pre-song clip. I think anyone who thinks that was good has gym socks in their ears. Sass only liked it because they shared the same hair style and color of extensions. Daryl may be odd, but he is amazing!!! He was completely awesome tonight, singing ‘Tainted Love’ which is one of my favorites. That kid rocks. What up with Suzi’s scary dancing? She must’ve read my review last week and tried not to spin or sing like Pee Wee, and somehow it was 10 times worse. She looked hot, but sounded completely hideous. Wow. Aaron is amazing for having a faux hawk! He did so good! I am happy that Jake yelled at Zack (by the way Zack, the show is NOT about you so get over yourself). JOSH WAS AMAZING. OH MY GOSH WHAT TO EVEN SAY. INEXPLICABLE. FRESH! EXCITING! Ha ha ha. He was brilliant. I thought Melissa was about to pole dance the way she kept carrying her mike stand around for no reason. ‘Holding Out for a Hero’ is a great song, but it was not sung great at all. She can leave at any time and I’ll be glad.
Sooo…I survived 80’s week. Everyone should be proud, especially Brynne.
Down to business: the bottom three – Casey, Suzi, Melissa. This is a toss up between Suzi and Casey, but I guess I have to decide. CASEY GOES.
Note: Due to Ashley's elimination, I'd like to offer a big fat congrats to Suzi Rawn, Canada's first Pee Wee Idol!!

Canadian Idol - Week 2

Okay, so last week I was off a bit on the bottom three, but Emily was eliminated, as I predicted. Whoo! So here I am again to dis…I mean, to critique tonight’s performances.
Casey started the show off with a yawn, singing pretty well, but just not great. That’s the weird thing with her – she’s good but just not good enough. She’s too cute though. Next was Josh, who just did what he does. It was funny, I enjoyed the dancing. He really needs to shave, though. Ashley attempted to growl her way through a song and hide her missed notes (as in all of them) by spinning the entire performance. Hey, the Pee Wee-ness seems to work for Suzi. Didn’t work so well for her though. Of course the judges loved it, I mean she’s got a meaner growl than Sass Jordan, so she was probably feeling intimidated. Daryl decided to act like a star and walked out confidently, not like he was about to dodge tomatoes. He was awesome! He sang so well and loosened up a lot, I feel so proud of him! Plus he sang “Superstition” which is always a good time. I know I said it last week, but I’ll say it again: I. LOVE. REX. That’s pretty much all there is to it, he sang like a cool tough guy. I had no idea that the song “Gansta’s Paradise” sampled a Stevie Wonder song! I know I’m slightly biased, because she was born in Manitoba, but Amber is so wonderful, its getting to the point that I just have to look at her and get chills. She should win, I really want her up there. Brilliant. Ooh, and I lose all respect for Melissa but brutalizing the song that she sang tonight. It was putridly awful. She can’t hold on much longer. Aaron did so well. The thing that’s different about him in comparison to most of the other competitors is that he does the same stuff they do, only he actually hits the notes. He’s got some mad talent. Suzi continues to compete for Pee Wee Idol this week, singing that song from “Center Stage”. She copies Ashley and tries spinning to hide her bad notes. Perhaps all the competitors should start spinning, the judges really seem to like that.
It was all around a pretty enjoyable show, with all the people I like doing well, and all the people I don’t doing whatever it is they do.
The bottom three? Melissa, Ashley, Casey. AND ASHLEY GOES.

P.S. Hey if she leaves then Suzi can officially be crowned the winner of the first Pee Wee Idol!

To Avoid Being Tarred and Feathered...

I've decided to post my Canadian Idol rantings on my site, instead of on their website where I will be beaten and hated by every Idol fan in Canada.
So...last night was the first night of the top 10. I wasn't expecting much, because Canada has promptly turned into the USA by voting all these talentless girls in based on looks instead of singing ability. I wasn't expecting much, and I didn't get much.
Aaron was first, and he was okay I guess, kinda fun, but ultimately forgettable. Emily was next. This girl is BAD, as in TERRIBLE and completely TALENTLESS. Like she is horrendously awful, and I am offended that she was voted in above Vince and Josh. Oh it just makes me sick. She thinks she's miss Teen Canada and she needs a strong kick in the teeth to convince her otherwise. I'd just like to thank Farely for his comments and Zach as well who called her a pageant singer. Daryl was next, my boy Daryl, who was so scared I thought he was going to die right there on stage. He was possibly frightened by Sass' boob exposure! Poor kid, he'll improve with time. That kid can sing though. Even Baba told me he had good tone. Suzi was next - and I'll admit it early, that I cannot stand her. The mere sight of her unclean hair and the way she sings! Man! What is this, Pee Wee Herman Idol?!? And she was bad, every big note she reached for or run she sang was just off and terrible. Even Kristin, who likes her, said she was bad. So thats that. Melissa gets some points because I liked her bio. She seems like a cool chick and I love seeing her in shorts, playing basketball and being normal. She sang pretty good too I guess. Ashley is competing in the Pee Wee Idol competition as well, I see. Her song was "near flawless" because it consisted of five notes and takes no skill whatsoever to sing. I loved her brother crying and saying "this is like Oprah - they make you cry!" That was awesome. Rex....Rex....I LOVE REX. This boy can really do no wrong, in my mind. I love his accent and his reference to the Loreal Girls. What a nice boy. Amber is AMAZING. She looked beautiful and I had chills the entire song, I was seriously freezing afterwards. When Zack called her voice holy, he's pretty close. Josh was incredible, that boy is OFF THE HOOK. Just amazing. Too good for the show and wonderful. Plus his guitar room is pink, how amazing is that? Casey was cute, she's so adorable and I feel bad for her because her song was so rushed.
So, what's my prediction for tonights bottom 3? Emily, Aaron, Casey - AND EMILY GOES. She MUST go...

I Am Understood?

Okay, I'm gonna steal some of Cassie's words when she said, "what the dog is up with blindside that, like, influences me so deeply?" Because I feel the EXACT same way about Relient K. Their songs never cease to amaze, move and bless me so much that I can't even describe it. Jesus is so present in their lives. Last night I was listening to "Two Lefts Don't Make a Right, But Three Do" and I had to stop and write down what I felt. I was like, Matt Theisson is AMAZING. I mean I've never met him or anything, but it feels like he just gets me and writes songs that say what I'm thinking and feel but could never write. Its like we're so on the same track, and he's so amazing because he shares all these personal conversations with God and records them. Wow, they are so amazing. Here's a song that blesses my life, I hope it blesses yours.

sometimes it's embarassing to talk to you
to hold a conversation with the only one who sees right through
this version of myself i try to hide behind
i'll bury my face because my disgrace will leave me terrified
and sometimes i'm so thankful for your loyalty
your love regardless of the mistakes i make will spoil me
my confidence is in a sence, a gift you've given me
and i'm satisfied to realize you're all i'll ever need
you looked into my life and never stopped
and you're thinking all my thoughts
are so simple but so beautiful
and you recite my words right back to me
before i even speak
you let me know, i am understood
and sometimes i spend my time just trying to escape
i work so hard, so desperately, in an attempt to create space
cause i want distance from the utmost important thing i know
i see your love, then turn my back, and beg for you to go
you looked into my life and never stopped
and you're thinking all my thoughts
you're so simple but so beautiful
and you recite my words right back to me
before i even speak
you let me know, i am understood
you're the only one who understands completely
you're the only one who knows me yet still loves completetely
and sometimes the place i'm at is at a loss for words
if i think of something worthy, i know that it's already yours
and through the times i've faded and you've outlined me again
you've just patiently waited to bring me back and then
you looked into my life and never stopped
and you're thinking all my thoughts
you're so simple but so beautiful
and you recite my words right back to me
before i even speak
you let me know, i am understood
your voice has broken my defence
let me embrace salvation
your voice has broken my defence
let me embrace salvation
let me embrace
let me embrace salvation.

Grad 2005

Look, it's Curtis and me on grad day, aren't we beautiful?

I don't really have the drive to write anything about grad, other than it was a great day, everyone looked beautiful, I WON AWARDS and I was really emotional and cried through alot of it. Thanks so much to everyone who gave me cards that said nice things in them (thats you, Christie) and for all the beautiful gifts. And special thanks to my parents who made all of this possible, I'm sorry for all the time, money, concern and effort you've put in through the past 12 years, especially when it came to math, Mom. I don't even wanna think of where I'd be without all of the above stuff, so really I am truely grateful. Even though I am very excited to finish this chapter of my life, I am also sad to leave behind many amazing people that have helped make me into the person that I am today. Without most of you, I think life would be very different. Thanks for all your prayers! I love you all!!

P.S. I miss you Cass.
P.P.S. I miss Ireen too.
P.P.P.S. And Henky Panky, miss you, boy.

Everybody's Free (to Wear Sunscreen)

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience…I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You’re not as fat as you imagine.
Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing everyday that scares you
Sing.
Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss.
Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.
Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch.
Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.
Get plenty of calcium.
Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.
Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.
Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.
Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.
Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.
Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.
Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen…

Best Weekend Ever

Okay so I just had, like, the most amazing weekend ever.
The youth group went to PLBC and cleaned up the camp. So we left on Friday at 4:00, and I was in the vehical w/ Ashley, Leanna, Adrienne, Henk and Brion. Leanna and Beatrice and I talked the whole way there about all this stuff, like drinking and smoking and premarital sex and everything we could think of and discussed the spiritual stuff about it. That was awesome. Then we got there and like, picked out our beds in the cabin. I had all awesome people in mine - Ashley, Adrienne, Allison, Natalie, and Leanna. I was pumped. So we all walked around and hung out, and Allison and I just talked and it was totally awesome to get to know her better, we have so much stuff in comman. So then, like, we had supper, which was fantastic and wonderful and we hung out more, then we had a campfire devotion, at which I gave my testimony. It was scary, but it felt so wonderful after, and like I totally cried and it made Ashley cry. Then everyone came up and hugged me and thanked me. Henk told me it was moving.
So then we went inside and had hot chocolate. It was so hot we all burned our tongues. Henk played the piano for us and it was beautiful. He's so good, (who knew?) and really it was so pretty. Then Leanna and Allison and I hung out, talking about God and everything, and it was so cool to have people want to talk about it. It was bed time, and Leanna sat up in her bunk reading the Bible. Ashley came up to join us, and we just layed there talking (all three of us on a single bed, TOP BUNK, man it was awkward). We laughed like idiots and it was so much fun. After like 3 hours we fell asleep. I woke up at like 5:30 and was so hot and uncomfortable, so I moved down to my bed. Leanna was like "no offence Janna, but THANK GOD." It was funny. Two hours later we were geting up for breakfast. It was pancakes, my favorite.
Then we split into groups and my group did the dishes. After that we went to dig out the volleyball pit. That was awful, the "sand" has turned hard as cement. It was bad. So Henk and I went to clean the tuck shop, and just talked and had some really good coversations about God and stuff. It was so neat to talk to him about it. We just talked for like an hour. After that we went back to the pit and picked weeds out of it. It was fun, Curtis and I buried Kim in the sand. So then we had lunch and had free time until 3:00. So Leanna and I sat in her bunk and talked about our church and all this stuff that we felt and stuff. It was so amazing. We felt the same about so much of it. So like, I changed and got clean and I just hung out with people, it was cool. Curtis and I played volleyball. I love that kid.
Then we drove to Brandon and had free time in the mall. I walked around with Leanna and Ash. I bought mascara. Anyhoo. So I met up with my parents, and the youth group left. I got my pictures developed and they are awesome, so many of me and Carlyle!!! Yay! Anyhoo. So yeah. I looked for grad shoes and couldn't find any. That was sad. Then I bought these beautiful and amazing pink and black airwalks, I love them to death. So we ate and the McDonalds guy hit on me, it was ridiculous. So on Sunday I went to church and we did fuzzy wuzzies in Sunday School. People wrote nice stuff on mine, and Curtis wrote "the greatest ever!" and Ashley wrote "the bestest friend." I was so thrilled I almost peed.
After church we got ready for mom's b-day party (her birthday is today). Then people came over. It was so fun, and the food and the cake was amazing. We sat around and it was awesome. Everyone went for a walk and then Ashley and I had this deep and amazing talk and we sang songs from camp and talked about songs we want to teach the orphans in Africa. It was so fun. Then everyone came back and Henk was soaked cuz he fell in a flooded ditch. It was hilarious. So we talked and ate around the campfire. After the Bakers left, Henk and Kristin and I sat around the fire, talking. Its so sad, I was just watching Henk and memorizing all these things about him, trying to take it all in and put it in a box so I could keep it and remember it always. I almost cried, I'm sad he's leaving. Then she went to bed and we talked out there until 3:00 am about everything. He's never been so open, ever. It was neat to hear him just be open and honest. So yeah, I'm tired, but I sat with Carlyle all band class, it was awesome. I should go, this post is way too long.

Breathe

Sorry I haven't done a real post in forever. I've just felt uninspired or lazy or something, and I didn't want to do a crappy job of a post. So yes, here I am to spill out my brain as I see fit.
Okay so Tuesday night was the final band concert - or wait, my final band concert, ever. Last year I would've been praising God, but this year in band was so much fun! I think I'll miss it, I love so many of the people, and the music is so good! Dang. But yeah. It was fun though, I took some pictures of me with my peeps, and if they turn out I'll put some of them up on here.
Okay so did you like ever hear a song and wish you wrote it, or thought of some of the lines? That Anna Nalick song, 2 am (Breathe) has some lines that make me go, "dang! I wish I wrote that!"
2 am and I'm still awake writing this song
If I get it all down on paper it's no longer inside of me
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them however you want to
Frick, thats some good stuff, same with when she says, "life's like an hourglass glued to the table." Who came up with that anyways? I wish I could've. Know what else is a beautiful song? Iris, by Goo Goo Dolls. Wow. Anyhoo, I'm dumb, I'm feeling all funky and depressed because I don't have a job, and I need one, and this is my last normal month, and Henk is leaving so soon, and I'll like never see him, and yeah I'm sad. So thats pretty much it for me right now. So yeah. Sorry this post has sucked as much as it does.

He Will Lift You Up

When the world is crashing down around you
And no one understands
He will lift you up
When you feel no arms of love surround you
And you're all alone inside
He will be your Friend

He will lift you up
Close to the Heavens
Feel His embrace
Rushing down like the rain
Turn up your face
And thank your Heavenly Father
For He will lift you up

Cause He feels the pain you feel
And He longs to bear it for you
His love will soon reveal the plans
He has in store for you

He will lift you up
Close to the Heavens
Feel His embrace
Rushing down like the rain
Turn up your face
And thank your Heavenly Father
For He will lift you up

For He will lift you up

Here I am to Worship

Light of the world
You stepped down into darkness
Opened my eyes let me see
Beauty that made this heart adore You
Hope for a life spent with You

Here I am to worship
Here I am to bow down
Here I am to say that You're my God
You're altogether lovely
Altogether worthy
Altogether wonderful to me

King of all days
Oh, so highly exhaulted
Glorious in heaven above
Humbly You came to the earth You created
All for love's sake became poor

Here I am to worship
Here I am to bow down
Here I am to say that You're my God
You're altogether lovely
Altogether worthy
Altogether wonderful to me

I'll never know how much it cost
To see my sins upon that cross
I'll never know how much it cost
To see my sins upon that cross

Napoleon Dynamite

Okay, so this is the dumbest and funniest movie ever! All the characters are funny, and Napoleon is my hero, I just love him. I've seen it twice, both times with Henk present, which really helps complete the experience. So yes, run out and rent it, its very funny!!
Sarah sent me this link to a survey thing to figure out which character you are, and these were my results:

You are Deb and could drink whole milk if you wanted.

I was just happy that I wasn't Kip or Uncle Rico!

Its All Over Now

Okay, so last night was the final night of Drama. I thought I would cry, and I did. I wasn't really sad that the play was done, but mostly was sad that I'd miss the people. And that I wouldn't be back there next year, because I'm in grade 12. So the play went pretty good. All of our scenes were good, so I was happy about that. I gave out the cards I had made. My favorite reaction was David. He just sat there reading with the genuine smile on his face. He looked so happy and then he looked at me and was like, "well Janna that was very sweet." And I was happy. Then he hugged me. So yeah, the show went on. Then we had curtain call and I almost cried. Then we backed up and cheered, and then I started weeping. I hugged Brynne and Sarah and Mike, then Randy and Julia. Wow I bawled like a tool when I hugged Julia. I am so going to miss her the most. Then I hugged Jim, and I mean I just bawled. I got tears all over his shirt, and he just kept saying these nice things to me. Then Rob gave me a rose, and I cried harder. After that I hugged Trevor and William, Scott and David. Scott was so cute. He hugged me and was like,"I'm gonna miss you." It was adorable. So yeah, I continued to cry and hug, and was totally humiliated because I was the only one.
So I went downstairs and changed, washed off my makeup etc. Then Brynne and I went upstairs to eat. SO MUCH GOOD FOOD! I sat with Julia and Hannah, Jim and Randy and Brynne. It was fun, and we ate way too much. Then we moved down closer to the front to watch the program. There were some skits, like the little kids dressing up like Jackie and Willie and singing. Too cute!! And some speeches by the directors and principles, etc. Then it was almost over and I was like, I have something to say. So I went up on stage and pulled out my notes I had made. I was like yeah, I always told myself I'd do this, but maybe it was a better idea in my head. I was intimidated! There were alot of people out there. So I was like, this was my 10th production here. But my voice was all wobbley. It was awful! And then I started crying. So I couldn't talk. So I blubbered my way through my speech about how much we're a big drama family, and how much each person there had touched my life. And I said that they helped raise me from 8 to 18. And then I said that I was looking forward to coming back to watch it next year, and finally feel back home. And then I went and sat down, but seriously I was bawling. I got to the stairs, and everyone was standing and clapping. I was an amazing and overwhelming feeling. When I got back to my seat, Jim hugged me and told me he was proud of me for doing that. And then Barry came over to hug me. Then Janice, then Barb and Gordie, Neil, Lori, Clare, Wendy, Brynne, Hannah. It was unbelieveable and I cried each time. Julia was like, "I'm mad at you!" and she was crying too. Then Trevor hugged me. And Scott and David. Then people started leaving. Julia was like, I don't want to leave! And she hugged me and was like "I'm going to miss you!" I just wept. Then they left, and she kept turning around and waving, and we were both weeping. It was really hard because I know I won't see her again for a while, or get to hang out with her like ever. So yeah. Then Brynne came over. I am so funking today. Its just weird to think that I won't see all those people again for such a long time! And I'm in Drama every year. What will I do with myself? So yeah, I'm sad.

Its Been Too Long

I'm so sorry I haven't posted in ever, its just that I have been so busy with Drama! This week is production week, and its going all right. I mean all the scenes I'm in have been good. So yeah...I never thought I'd be a girl who obsesses over tans, but I really enjoy looking down and seeing pretty tanned legs. And arms. I think it makes me look healthier or something. Last night Henk came to the play, and he waved at us before he left. I am so proud of him for acknowledgeing us in public! I mean he never comes to the front or anything, but the wave...excellent. Much improved. Anyhoo I gotta go to french class now, I am so sorry about the lack of postage but I will be back! Toodles!!

Pieces - Sum 41

I tried to be perfect
But nothing was worth it
I don’t believe it makes me real
I’d thought it’d be easy
But no one believes me
I meant all the things I said

If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I'm trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own

This place is so empty
My thoughts are so tempting
I don’t know how it got so bad
Sometimes it’s so crazy that nothing can save me
But it’s the only thing that I have

If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I'm trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own

I tried to be perfect
It just wasn’t worth it
Nothing could ever be so wrong
It’s hard to believe me
It never gets easy
I guess I knew that all along

If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I'm trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own

Easter Words

Hope y'all remember what Easter is all about:

"When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature, God made you alive in Christ. He forgave us all our sins, having cancelled the written code with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us; He took that away, nailing it to the cross. And having disarmed the powers and authorities, He made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross."
Colossians 2:13-15

God bless your Easter.



P.S. Today, almost a week after the Kalan concert, it hit me. I am so in a funk!

Janna and Friend

Janna and Kalan :)

The Kalan Story

OH MY GOSH.
Tonight I saw, heard, touched, MET AND TOOK A PICTURE WITH KALAN PORTER!!!
I could seriously die! The whole thing seems so unreal right now!!! Like it hasn't totally sunk in yet, I want to see my pictures so maybe I'll believe it. HOLY CRAP THIS IS CRAZY!
So Brynne, Ireen, Ashley and I went to Brandon (even though the highways were closed, lol) and hung out at the mall a bit. I got Drive Me Crazy and The Babysitter's Club on DVD! I'm pumped! Then we went to the Westman Auditorium, it was around 7:30. We got Kalan shirts and pictures, it said Amanda Stott was giving autographs but nothing on Kalan, so we were sad. Then we went in, it was PACKED. I'm serious. So many girls, of all ages! Little girls and moms and even some grandma's! It was hilarious. Anyways, I was wetting myself and feeling totally nauseated. It was crazy. Then Amanda Stott came out. WOW. What a voice! Its totally sad, she had 10 thousand times more talent than Kelly Clarkson, but she's like hardley famous at all. She's unbelieveable, and completely inspiring. I bought her CD! And got a picture with her. She actually almost made me weep, her voice just moved me.
So after her set, and an autograph and picture with her later, I was back in my seat, feeling ill. Maria was two rows ahead of me, and was like "see that guy up there? Is that Kalan?" I looked up and it totally was! I was like, waving, and he was smiling and waving back. Then the lights went off. Everyone was screaming and I was freaking right out. It seemed like 5 minutes before I could hear this sound...and saw this guy with a violin walk out in a black coat with the collar all turned up. Oh wow. He started playing, it was amazing. Everyone was screaming, and the lights were purple! Then, after the Prelude, he turned his back, and his band rushed out. He whipped around and started "She's So Dangerous."
I was numb, I didn't know what to do. So I cheered. Then I started bawling my head off. I was so overhelmed, that he was real, and there, and singing, and he was so REAL. I mean he was a living breathing real person, not just a face on TV. Ireen laughed at me as I cried until the end of the song. Then he sang "And We Drive" and I wanted to die. I LOVE THAT SONG. Then he was like, "Hey Brandon" and there was more screaming. I was zooming in on my camera and taking pictures. He sang "I Don't Wanna Miss You", and my word, it was lovely. I mean that kid can sing. Like sure, he's an absolute cutey, but when it comes down to it, he is TALENTED. He sang "Single" and finally people got up and started dancing. After the song the skanky old man in charge told us to sit down. Then he sang "Old Man" and Ireen sang along, too cute. It was beautiful. Then Kalan told us to stand up! Ha ha! It was awesome. He kept singing and it was amazing, I was just screaming and Brynne and I were freaking out.
I got up and went to the side to take some pictures up close. I mean I got some great ones. He was so close, I could see the amazing blue of his eyes. And he smiled too! It was amazing! He played his violin so much too! Wow. I went and sat down again and Brynne and I got up to polka during one of his solos, but then we just joined the pit. I wanted to get touched SO bad. Then he left and came back out with a cowboy hat on. I admit, it was hot. Maria joined us in the pit. Then he did "The Devil Came Down to Georgia." It was awesome. Then he sang "Awake in a Dream" and changed it so it was all rock-y, it was amazing. Then he left. I was sad, I so thought it was over. But he came back out and sang songs he sang on Idol, like "House of the Rising Sun", "Long Train Runnin", "Nature Boy", and "Born to Be Wild."
OH MY GOSH. During Long Train Runnin', he was running around touching fingers with people, and I reached...and he GRABBED my hand. I mean he was just wiggling fingers, but he grabbed my right hand. I almost puked. I was screaming and freaking, and I pointed at my hand at Ashley and Ireen, and they laughed. It was unreal. Then I cried again (tool). He sang the last two songs, then had a huge instrumental solo with his band. He waved, bowed, let some people touch his hair, and left. I was sad, wired, pumped and in shock!
Brynne and I decided last Friday we were going out to his bus. Well lots of other people had the same idea. So we waited (Ashley wouldn't come, that bum) and waited. I felt so bad. I mean the poor kid just wants to relax, you know? And he's hounded by fans. But yeah, I waited and couldn't believe he was right there. Then...I got up there. I gave him my sheet to sign and he said, "Hi, how are you?" And I blurted, "God bless you! That was good." And he was like, "wow, thank you." And then I asked for a picture, and he said sure, and I put my arm around him, and he put his arm around me, and Brynne jumped in beside me (you're forgiven) and Ireen took it. I don't even think I blinked. Then I said thanks and danced away.
I MET HIM! I TOUCHED HIM! HE ACKNOWLEDGED THAT I EXIST! And I have a picture to prove it!! (Please God, let it turn out!)
It still doesn't seem real. I'm flying so high right now. Wow oh wow. I don't even know what to say. Tomorrow I will be in the biggest FUNK ever.
Some things bugged me a little however. Nothing about Kalan, just some of the fans. I mean its like some girls know nothing about him. So many kept yelling "you're hot" and were dressed so skimpy. I was like, he doesn't appreciate that. He loves Jesus. He appreciates your support, but he wants you to love his music, too. I mean some girls had a sign that said "come over sometime, I have a double bed." I think he'll be discusted by that, not impressed. It made me sad, and made me realize that I should just keep praying for him, he needs our prayers. So all of you reading this, say a little prayer for Kalan that he won't stray and will draw close to God, and let Him guide him and be his strength. He needs that to stay grounded, to stay...Kalan. I believe thats what makes him so great - his heart.
God bless Kalan Porter, may he continue to make great music, sing well, stay healthy and stay humbled by God's awesome presence in his life. I love you, Kalan. I'm praying for you.

Three Hours

In three hours, I will see my man, my favorite person, my hero, my
KALAN PORTER
IN THE FLESH.
I think I might die of excitement. Or anticipation.

Best Day EVER!

Today has been the freaking funnest day ever! It was Jazz Fest in Brandon, so we all packed up after an hour and a half of practising and headed off. I got to ride in the Handivan! It was the best group of us: Curtis, Eddie, Geordie, Kyle M, Kelsey, Carlyle, Britney, Heidi, Brynne and me. We just talked and hung out the whole way there. Heidi and I laughed most of the way, really! "We're in the handivan...WE'RE COOL!" LOL! Carlyle sat in the wheelchair! We were drawing on the fogged up windows (nice roadkill squirrel "guitar" Eddie!) and waving at people who passed us. And we ate on the way too, Eddie was jealous of my lunch. Then we got there, and we hung out in the hallway, and I saw Jeff and Norah came over to say hello. Then we went to warm up. We went out on the stage to set up, and I saw Andrew! That was cool. He actually announced us, and the songs we played. Then we played In the Mood. It was...interesting. Well it was actually pretty good until the last two bar lines, when the trumpets play the chromatic scale. We all just kind of died and yeah it was bad. I was so humiliated after we finished. Then we played Woodchopper's Ball, which was somehow worse. Oh it was so completely awful. But then we played Soul Bossa Nova. That was the best we ever played it. I mean, we nailed everything! It was amazing, we just killed it! The trumpets we good that whole song, I must say. Then we were adjudicated, and he was really nice. We went to another building and he worked with us for like an hour. We improved so much! If he came to our school once a month, we would be a completely better Jazz Band. So then we like rocked at Woodchopper's. He told us that we we started to play Soul Bossa, we completely changed. He said it was like we were a totally different band. So yeah, that was good.
Then we went to get pictures taken and the photo guy was a total skank (just like at Optimist). So we took the picture, and then we hung out outside. Eddie and I discussed how it must photo guy requirements to be a hoebag, lol. Then Kristin came and said goodbye. Then we all got on the Handivan. We were sitting there, just talking and some of us were humming Soul Bossa. Then Carlyle started yelling "HANDIVAN!" at people who walked by. It was so funny! Then we sang Soul Bossa, each of us singing our parts. It was totally fun and we were just screaming the whole time. People looked frightened, it was funny! My throat was so sore after that. After singing it through about 4 times, we were all like, "what time is it? why haven't we moved?" and Mr. Pettinger was like "It's 3:20 (we were supposed to have left an hour ago) and the handivan won't move out of park." So we all went outside and tried to push it, which was funny also.
Then we got back on, and Mr. Pettinger was on the phone calling the school etc. There was a charter bus parked across the street, and we were waving at the 3 people in it, yelling "Handivan!" at them. They waved and acted like idiots, and we were feeling silly, so Eddie stuck his head out the window and blew a kiss at them. This one guy was pumping his arm in the air with excitement, which scared Eddie. So he gave me his sunglasses, and I continued to wave at them. Then they wrote us a note and held it up against the window. It asked us to um, show some skin and we all laughed, and wrote back for them to show us some first. It was all in good fun, really. But then this one guys started taking off his sweater and dancing around, and then he started with his pants! I was hiding, and then I saw his teacher coming! He did too, when she came on, and ducked into a seat to redress. She looked pretty mad! When they walked by we all laughed and applauded, and I held up a sign that said "Nice." It was hilarious! Finally the handivan started moving, around 4:00. We celebrated by going to McDonalds. It was awesome! I hugged Carlyle! We laughed and talked and it was great. And Brynne and I started making our straws make sounds, and everyone else joined. We called it the Handivan song. It was totally awesome.
Then we finally started home, around 4:15. We talked about movies we like (who knew they all love Monty Python?), and comedians, and laughed like idiots. We also laughed about everything else that happened that day. We had a contest on who was ugliest when they were 12. We talked about hygene, and how cool it would be to take then Handivan to a drive in movie, with a big buttload of us. Seriously, I am so jealous of all of them. I was never that cool when I was 14 or 15. It was so totally awesome, like I mean we never ran out of things to talk about, or laugh about, and I could've driven for way longer than we did. I feel like we're like the Handivan's own Breakfast Club. We're like the Handivan Club (whoa, that sounded way cooler in my head). Like we're all forever bonded because of that one day. Who knows if on Monday we'll talk or anything, but for those few hours we a tight group of friends. Now that is beautiful. And I am so in a funk.

Aicha

So sweet, so beautiful
Every day like a queen on her throne
Don't nobody knows how she feels
Aicha lady, one day you'll be real

She moves, she moves like a breeze
I swear I can't get her out of my dreams
To have her shining right here by my side
I'd sacrifice all the tears in my eyes
woo woo woo

Aicha, Aicha
Passin me by
Aicha, Aicha
My my my (ooh)
Aicha, Aicha
Smile for me now
I don't know, I dont know
Aicha in my life

For the complete Aicha experience, go to http://www.ebaumsworld.com/aicha.html

Again

Today
I cried
Again
Harder
Than before.

In Rememberance

Okay, so I've been deeply changed and moved by the four RCMP officers killed in Alberta. Everytime I see anything about them on the news, I cry. Right now an "In the Line of Duty" special is on. Oh wow, I just couldn't stop crying. Over 700 officers have died in Canada since the 60s. This one officer, his wife was 4 weeks pregnant when he was killed. He was only 21. She never met her father. Another one has a young child and leaves a pregnant wife. Oh, its just awful.
One of the officers was the son of a Lutheran pastor, and he told his dad that no matter what happened to him on the job, he knew where he was going to end up. I mean how beautifully and tragically sad is that? I just bawled. I mean he was only 25, he had his whole life ahead of him. He's with Jesus now, but the fact is he shouldn't be. He should be living his life, having children. I find it so unfair and awful. The truth is, nobody is to blame. As long as there's sin in the world, this will happen. People need Jesus, you know? Like people just need to find Him and hang out with Him and get to know Him and maybe stuff like this wouldn't happen. There was no reason to shoot those men. Oh this is awful, I am so sad.
I wish I could do something, I'm just feeling this deep desire to help out. The worst thing is that no matter what I do, or tried to do, nothing can bring this men back to their loved ones.

Const. Peter Schiemann, aged 25

Const. Leo Johnston, aged 32

Const. Anthony Gordon, aged 28

Const. Brock Myrol, aged 29

"We seek comfort in the midst of our sorrow, peace in the midst of our inner turmoil and hope...from a good and gracious God who is more powerful than the evil in us and around us. Yes, what happened to Peter and the others was horrific. Sin will run rampant, but horror and evil, sin and death did not win the day."

You will be remembered.

The Countdown

ten things i want to do in my lifetime:
1. hang out with (or preferably marry) Matt Thiessen from Relient K
2. fall in love and get married
3. graduate from college
4. have a family of my own
5. learn to play the guitar
6. travel around Europe
7. go to underprivilaged countries to do missions work
8. write and publish a book
9. have blue hair
10. help lots of people find Jesus

nine things on my mind:
1. i don't care enough about school
2. my head hurts
3. i wish i could do something tonight other than math
4. i am SO SAD that Matt Thiesson is married!
5. should I be coloring my french poster right now?
6. how much longer will I have this job?
7. I eat too much chocolate
8. something smells totally funky in here
9. what will Sarah and I sing for the talent show?

eight songs i love:
1. Crimson and Clover - Tommy James and the Shondells
2. Look What You've Done - Jet
3. When I Go Down - Relient K
4. Hopeless - The Trews
5. Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Green Day
6. Untitled - Simple Plan
7. In The Light- DC Talk
8. Pitiful - Blindeside

seven things i do almost every day:
1. complain
2. take tylenol
3. worry about something
4. listen to Relient K
5. eat a lot
6. laugh
7. say "Holy Crap"

six things (not people) i love:
1. rainbows
2. snuggling with my cats
3. getting e-mails
4. Festival (and my hoodie!)
5. dancing
6. playing the piano

five people i enjoy the company of: (not in any particular order)
1. Ashley
2. Brynne
3. Cassie
4. Ireen
5. Everyone who's reading this now...I LOVE YOU! I love too many people.

four most recent movies i’ve seen:
1. The Village
2. Hitch
3. Barbershop 2
4. Cellular (LOL!)

three skills i have:
1. writing stuff
2. singing
3. eating! lol

two things i’d change about myself:
1. I would SO be thinner! I mean...I'd accept myself :)
2. i would be better at telling people about Jesus

one bit of advice:
1. always smile! someone will smile back!

Hurry Up, Tomorrow!

I wish tomorrow would get here. Not like today has been exceptionably awful or anything, but tomorrow is going to be fun! We have a sub in french, so that will be good, then work, and then Brynne and I are going to see Kristin's play! Maybe we can go out for coffee after or something, or just back to her room. Oh well. I'm hoping to show Brynne my grad dress as well. I hope she likes it! Then she's spending the night and we're going to the wavepool with youth group the next afternoon. And Ireen is coming! I haven't seen her in ever! It'll be a blast, I'm stoked. Plus swimming, how fun! Other than the swimsuit aspect. Oh well, whatevz. I can't believe I just said that, my sister is really starting to rub off on me...
Okay, so reading my 17 magazine today made me realise that I am TOTALLY addicted to caffine! The symptoms were that if you didn't have it you were sluggish, had headaches and were irritable. Well thats been me lately. I am so tired for no reason, I have constant headaches and mom pointed out that I've been grumpy. So yeah. I think its the chocolate more than the pop, because I've had so much of it in the past few weeks, with my birthday and Valentine's Day so close together. But now my supply is out, and I'm feeling the effects, people. Not good! I've totally put on weight since January too, which sucks. I just feel fat and yucky all the time, how annoying. So yes, caffine is bad, as is chocolate and no energy to work out. So yeah. Yeah.

When I Go Down

I'll tell you flat out it hurts so much to think of this. So from my thoughts I will exclude the very thing that I hate more than anything is the way I'm powerless to dictate my own moods. I've thrown away so many things that could've been much more. And I just pray my problems go away if they're ignored, but that's not the way it works. No that's not the way it works. When I go down, I go down hard. And I take everything I've learned and teach myself some disregard. When I go down, it hurts to hit the bottom. And of the things that got me there I think, "if only I had fought them." If and when I can clear myself of this clouded mind I'll watch myself settle down into a place where peace can search me out and find that I'm ready to be found. I've thrown away the hope I had in friendships. I've thrown away so many things that could have been much more. I've thrown away the secret to find the end of this. And I just pray my problems go away if they're ignored, but that's not the way it works. No that's not that way it works. Any control I thought I had just slipped through my hands while my ever-present conscience shakes its head and reprimands me, reprimands me. Then and there I confess I'll blame all this on my selfishness. Yet You love me, and that consumes me, and I'll stand up again - and do so willingly. You give me hope, and hope, it gives me life. You touch my heavy heart, and when you do it makes me light. As I exhale I hear your voice, and I answer you, though I hardly make a noize. And from my lips the words I choose to say seem pathetic, but it's a fallen man's praise. Because I love You. Oh God, I love You. And life is now worth living if only because of You. And when they say I'm dead and gone it won't be further from the truth. When I go down, I lift my eyes to You. I won't look very far cause You'll be there with open arms to lift me up again...to lift me up again.

Stuck In My Head

Here's the thing, we started out friends. It was cool, but it was all pretend. Yeah, yeah, since you been gone. Your dedicated, you took the time, wasn't long, til I called you mine. Yeah, yeah, since you been gone. And all you'd ever hear me say is how I pictured me with you. That's all you'd ever hear me say. But since you been gone, I can breathe for the first time. I'm so moving on, yeah yeah! Thanks to you now I get what I want, since you been gone. How can I put it? You put me on. I even fell for that stupid love song. Yeah, yeah, since you been gone. How come I'd never hear you say I just wanna be with you? Guess you never felt that way. But since you been gone, I can breathe for the first time. I'm so moving on. Yeah, yeah. Thanks to you now I get, I get what I want. Since you been gone...you had your chance, you blew it, out of sight, out of mind. Shut your mouth, I just can't take it again and again and again and again... Since you been gone I can breathe for the first time. I'm so moving on. Yeah, yeah. Thanks to you now I get, I get what I want. I can breathe for the first time, I'm so moving on, yeah yeah. Thanks to you now I get, you should know, that I get, I get what I want. Since you been gone...since you been gone. Since you been gone...

The One That Got Away

Ok, so these past two weeks have been insane. I haven't really been home for like the past five days. I went to Winnipeg to Festival Du Voyageur twice!!! It was totally awesome and fun and I love it there! Beaucoup de les mignons garçons! LOL I saw my future husband, he was this adorable dark haired guy who was the lead singer in a french band. He was so talented! And french! And didn't appear to have a girlfriend present! But yeah, I think we might have looked at each other once or twice (we had a moment!), but then they left and I never got to talk to him or find out his name or even the band's name! :( So yeah, it made me sad. I just chose to call him the one that got away...

Its My Birthday

I"M 18!!!

SCARY!!!!

So yeah, happy brithday to me, I think Brynne and I are gonna go see "Finding Neverland", so toodles!

My New Kitties!

Hey! I got kitties on Monday, they are so cute and cuddley and I love them! The one on the left is orange and his name is Mozart. The one on the right is named Melody. Mo is so dumb, he's a huge goof. Mel is cute and really shy, but I think she'll get used to us eventually. They are siblings and 7 months old right now, so they're so tiny! I love them, and I am so excited to have cats!

Stop! In the Name of WAD

Okay, so last night Brynne and I went to this family dance thing to watch WAD in Shoal Lake. It was AWESOME! Geordie and Eddie are discustingly talented. And Geordie is so my hero, I mean he's amazing at both the drums and the piano. Watching him play is amazing, I love watching people do what their passionate about and/or good at. Like seriously! After their first set Brynne and I went and sat with him because there was seriously no one else there our age. So we hung out with Geordie for like an hour. It was very funny, he was telling us stories he plans on telling magazines when he's famous! LOL I laughed! And about music and bands, like Default - turns out they're fans too! Whoo! Default power! Then it was midnight and Eddie's birthday so we went and yelled happy birthday at him. That was funny. The lead singer of the other band was really good! He sang happy birthday to Eddie and it was funny. He's only 15 now, but he's more talented than like 30 year olds out there now. He's like a next-generation Jimmy Hendrix! Seriously! Then WAD went back on and Brynne and I sat on the side, where we had a better view. They totally played a Default song! I was so excited and singing along. And at the end, I cheered - I was the only one however, much to my embarassment! But yeah, I shook it off, I mean anything in the name of Default, right? So yeah, the point of this story is that I was discustingly impressed, among other things, right Brynne? IT WAS SO COLD IN THERE! I thought I would die! I had my coat on the whole time, and yeah I was freezing! My toes froze. I got home and they were all white and I had to rub them for like 10 minutes before I went to bed. It was bad. And so I slept like a rock last night, I'm still tired, and yeah, thats my story. Go see WAD when you can people! Brynne and I are now gonna be groupies! LOL lata playas...

Goodbye! I'll Miss You!

Well this is basically a post to say that I will most likely be unable to post for the next 2 weeks. Life is carzy right now, with exams and math and grad pictures and everything. :( I apologise for my lack of posting and hope everyone will forgive me until my next post.
Now on to my weekend. On Saturday was my dad's 50th birthday! We planned this huge surprise party for him. It was the church. Everyone from the church was invited, and so were people like Henk, Brion and Brynne. It was pretty sweet. So all day we just layed around and I did homework all day and then we snuck off to the church to decorate. We made this huge banner that said "Happy 50th Owen" and we got everyone to write stuff on it. Dad seriously had no idea. He loves birthdays, so it was totally hard to watch him mope all day. We came home and he was all dressed up and ready to go, but then we just ate leftovers and watched the news. It was so sad! Then Jordan and Kristin and I said we were gonan go rent a movie, but went to the church to set up all the food. There was so much! People started arriving around quarter to six. Lots of people arrived and then around 7:15 mom and dad walked in. Everyone screamed and yelled "Surprise!" and dad was just beaming away! It was totally cool! Then we all mingled and talked and over 50 people were there and we presented the cake and Irwin prayed for dad and we had cake and ice cream. It was totally sweet. Then later Kristin got Henk cake but Ashley and I inhaled it before he sat down. Then we did it again with the next piece. Henk was like, "I'm gonna cry" and so was I because my stomach freaking hurt from all that! Then Pat and Ralph came and we all screamed. It was very cool. I didn't sleep until like 2:00 am and then we went to church the next morning. I was needless to say exhaustified!
It was totally wicked awesome and dad totally deserved it. He's the best! :) Then I did LA all day yesterday and math all night last night and that's what I'm off to do right now! Toodles!

Wrong Number

Someone just called me and said it was a wrong number. Oops! LOL I HATE wrong numbers! They are so humiliating! Its like, wow I'd rather die than continue talking with you on the phone. And they're all like, Oh no problem, or sometimes they ask your name. Thats the worst. I mean smaall town, everyone knows everyone! So its awful! Anyways, I wrote my math exam and it went really well. I thought it was like, easy. I was happy, it was almost fun because I knew what I was doing the whole time. So that was all good and happy, but then we spent all morning filming our LA talk show, and then it was all screwed up and ended up not taping the good takes and just the out takes. So that blows. Anyhoo, I should go, work is done. Toodles!

Forgotten Music

Okay, so we happen to have a bunch of crappy '90s band on our computer. I totally listen to them tout les temps! Its a little sad really. Some of them aren't that bad, or at least they're cheesily enjoyable. So here's a shout out to some 90s bands that have become...forgotten music.

B44
Does anyone remember these guys? They sang "Get Down" and "Go-Go" which are totally fun and absolutely retarded songs. The harmony just SCREAMS boy band! Its so funny, it reminds me of grade 7, back when these guys were new. They were totally not really popular then...I like them. They make me laugh.

BBMak
Something about the B bands that caused them to die off or something...these guys are so cute! They're from the UK, so they were a typical boy band. Only with 3 members. The words hardly make sense, but the song "Ghost" is sung so beautifully, who even cares? And they sang "Out of My Heart" too. I think it was on a movie, cause I remember the video. No wait, that was "Still on Your Side." Okay so they had more singles than I remembered. But they're totally cute, and pretty talented. I wonder what ever happened to them?

Vertical Horizon
This band is like the definition of 2000. They were one of the first bands on the brand new radio station 94.7 STAR FM! Thats funny! I remember listening to them on the way back from the grade 7 field trip. They were actually good! I love the song "You're a God" its so awesome and catchy. And "Everything You Want" was huge in Westman for so long! I seriously really wonder where they are now...I really liked them! They still totally rock in my book. Their music should not be forgotten!

Other memorable bands and/or singers: Toni Braxton (who sang "He wasn't man enough for me"...if you listen to her deep voice you might take a stab at why!), Wide Mouth Mason ("Change"), Smashing Pumpkins (oh wow now thats an old one!), Shawn Mullins ("Lullaby" that was so not a song, he just said the verses...), Lifehouse ("Hanging By A Moment" was huge...I always got them confused with...), The Calling ("Wherever You Will Go"), Craig David (what a tool, I hated that "Fill Me In" song so much, almost as much as "7 Days"), Amanda Marshall ("Shades of Grey" was my favorite song for ever! Now I don't like her), Wave (what a sad sad excuse for a band...although I did see them in concert and met them too. I still say "Don't Say Sarah" killed their "career"!) And so many more, but I'm outta time and energy to type them out!

Random Thoughts of the Day

Everything sucks when people quit drama, Pizza Pringles and chocolate milk = worst breath EVER, bacon and eggs rock and should be consumed daily, A Beautiful Mind is a sad sad movie, Mario Kart is fun, its too cold outside to exist, church is fun, old people are cute, secrets are the best, the only way to win Mario Kart is by actually knowing who you're paired up with lol, black fingernails are the best, hair is annoying, glasses fog up too easily, flirts are annoying to be around, boys can act weird, and they will always laugh at the word booby not matter how old they are, Cass' grad dress is pink and I'm excited, Relient is the best band of all time, Aicha is the funniest thing of all time, my grandma's car is a treat to drive, grandma is short, a house looks empty without a Christmas tree, CD burners rock, retainers are smelly, my head it constantly itchy, drugs are stupid, layering clothes is the way to go, skater shoes are hot, staying up too late on a Saturday night = an unpleasantly exhausting Sunday, God rocks my world and finally, fried chicken will cure a choking victim everytime!

Get the fried chicken!

Ah! I apologise for my lack of posting! But really, between the provincial LA exam and prepping for our art gallery, I have had zero time to be posting. The exam went well, I think. The theme was appearances. I hope I did good. I was really happy with my written assignment. SO yeah...
Alrighty, so my weekend was totally good. On Saturday I called Cass and we talked for like 2 and a half hours. It was totally awesome, we just laughed and talked and had a totally wicked good time. I miss her. I gotta go to her grad, and she's gotta come to mine! I'm so excited! Then on Sunday was Drama, and I saw all these people and had a great time! Aaron told me that my teeth looked "lovely". I was happy. And David is the freaking funniest kid ever! He was talking about Ashley playing b-ball and how much he wanted her to dunk it. Can you believe I've been in Drama for 10 years? Thats more than half my life! Thats insane. I can't believe Cody just turned 17. I mean I'll be 18 in like a month. A month yesterday! Crazy! Wow. I like being 17, its been my favorite year thus far. But hey when I'm 18 my teachers have to give me all my school stuff and can't give it to my parents, which is funny. Especially because I'll most likely show it to them anyways! Ah, adulthood. So not ready! I guess I feel pretty grown up, and I'll have to grow up to go to South Africa...
Well thats all I got time for. Talk to y'all soon!

NO MORE PICTURES!

Okay so the past two days have been good and bad. Last night was totally fun! Dingus and I went out for supper, and read the Miss Lonelyhearts stuff from the paper and talked and laughed like two huge idiots! Then we sang DC-10, and I called the newspaper the dictionary. That was funny! And we dicussed the "NO MORE PICTURES" moment. Seriously, if we were watching it at home, would we have yelled it? Together? In unison? Was it the Red Bull? Was it the sugar? Was it the excitement of failing a bio exam and then driving to Brandon in the Gremlin and staying up too late? Maybe we just shouldn't watch movies together, at least not in public...
Then I felt really awful last night, my mouth hurt. So I went to bed really early. Then today I wrote a stupid open book bio test, that I'll most likely need "divine intervention" to pass. LOL it wasn't too awful I guess, it was just BLAHHH. A bio test. Then art was just art, and I got a headache from all the evil paint fumes, and it was funny watching Jannelle paint in anger, lol. Then I went to work and came home and showered to get ready for my first drama rehersal! I was so excited (wow there's a really retarded Ashanti Herbal Essences ad on TV right now). So I got all prettied up, and went, and then there was no one there. Seriously, all the people I wanted to see, like my Westman crew, was non-existant. I wanted to cry. Brynne told me I smelled good, and I told her it was wasted. It was also SO BORING and gross because its like Jim hitting on Jackie, ew! And so we left at the break cuz we were tres bored. Then we spent half an hour throwing snow chumks at a snow bank on the roof trying to get a bottle that was stuck up there down. It was freaking hilarious! And cold. So Sarah left and Brynne came here and we drank water and watched the Festival tape. Wow we were all like 5 years old, Henk looks so little and I look so NASTY! Wow! Then she left and I read some of the play to mom. Then I came on here to e-mail some people and post. And here I be. And I just found out that Brad Pitt and Jennifer Anniston split up!!! NO!!! This is so awful! I'm sad, there were an adorable couple that I really wanted to last! :( So that killed it. And I'm exhausted and going to bed - my parents fell asleep watching a CSI rerun.

Everything and Nothing

Wow, I have no idea what to say, so I'll just ramble. Maybe something significant will come out after all this. So tonight I am all alone in the house, currently listening to CSI: Miami and talking to Kyle M about being 18 and with Brion about having colds and how they SUCK. And Kyle just told me that uber was my word, lol thats funny! I haven't talked to him in forever. Okay so last night I had this dream that Chris Moffatt died. It was awful! I was talking to her in the hallway and then all of a sudden I hear that right after our convo she had a heart attack and died. Oh my gosh this black guy on CSI just called Horratio "homie" Ha ha ha! Well back to my dream. I was like what? A 17 year old girl having a heart attack? I was just bawling like a loser, I mean I grew up with the girl. I mean I am still growing up with her. ANyways. SO yeah then I was like who will be grad president? (which is dumb b/c Chris isn't even president, she's treasurer) And somehow I was and everything I did for grad was about Chris, like we had a slideshow all about her and stuff. It was weird. And then all day I was like "was that real? Is she dead?" Oh my gosh she just logged on MSN! So funny! I was like "BUT YOU"RE DEAD!" I should start a convo w/ her and be like "you're alive!" That might scare her tho. Anyhoo my eye is so itchy. And I need to sneeze.
I wish that I could play guitar. I watched "Josie and the Pussycats" today and now I want to play guitar and be in a band and be famous. I can write stuff, I just can't play it. I wish I could. Then I'd be all over, playing and singing for everyone. I mean I love performing. I feel the same way about it as Ash does about playing bball. Its like this huge rush where nothing else matters but that mircophone and the people in the audience. When they smile I feel like I've accomplished so much. I mean wanting the attention of a room, and getting it, and creating something beautiful all the same time...wow. Thats why I love choir. Meeting all these AMAZING and beautiful people, and bonding through something so magical and beautiful is so amazing! I just love it. Nothing feels like it. And its not even thinking, its just...feeling. Wow. Nothing can describe it. I wish I was famous, that'd be fun. LOL anyhoo my parents are home, so off I go! Toodles.

Brr its cold in here...

There must be some JANNA in the atmosphere!
Okay so I'm at work doing math and FREEZING my butt off! It is seriously SO COLD! Just sipping a C-Plus and sucking on a Caramilk square (there, that enough product placement for you?) and blowing on my hands every five seconds because they are so cold that I want to die. Anyhoo...Don hasn't gotten back yet and linear equations were getting slight monotonous so I thought I'd make a dumb post. Anyhoo yeah. So yeah, I'm gonna go. I want to go home and watch some girl movie, like A Walk to Remember or Get Over It or Bring it On or something. I totally make a Bring it On reference every day, its just silly. I wish we had The Matrix at home, I haven't seen it in like 3 years. CRAZY! I used to watch it everyday. Ash and Kristin and I would try to learn the fight scenes...we were such losers! Ok so before I humiliate everyone I know I'll get back to linear equations.
Toodles!

Happy New Year

Okay so I've decided that I really like not having braces. Its so much nicer. Even the retainers aren't so bad. Seriously, they're kinda cool, except I talk like I'm wearing dentures. Its interesting anyhow. I am SO TIRED! Too many late nights in a row. Like there was New Year's on Friday night. I was up until 5 am with Henk, Brynne, Brion and my family watching the Rundown (funniest awesomest movie of all time!), King Arthur (whoo a stinker!), and Mean Girls (thoroughly enjoyable). It was fun, there was way too much good food, and yeah it was good. Henk and Brion left around 4:00, and then Brynne and I stayed up talking and watching stupid infomertials. It was totally fun. I had fun. LOL I repeat myself way too often! And Henk ditched his truck at Brion's house, what a tool! I laughed. Yay I have another website with a guestbook, SIGN IT! It's www.freewebs.com/thephatkid
Whee! I'm a loser. Have a lovely day, everyone.
Oh by the by last night we watched Secret Window, it was AWESOME! Seriously best movie ever. Johnny Depp is amazing. Then we watched Chasing Liberty today, which I also enjoy, when the agents hook up and the guy in that movie is is hot! Yikes!

Brace Face No More

I got them off!! They are gone!!
My braces were taken off today! I'm undecided about that. I mean its totally awesome and everything, but when I look in the mirror all I see is teeth! They are so huge! I have so much of them! And they feel all slimy and smooth. Its so weird! Its a little silly, really. I almost miss the braces, but not enough to put them back on again! It sounded like he was breaking my teeth off when he took off the brackets...
Not much else to say really, I'm just happy they're off! I can't wait to see people! It will blow their minds! I just hope I get used to them soon, because I feel a little self concious about them and all. So anyhoo, talk at y'all later!

I got in!!!

I got in to the Outtatown program!! I'm in! Ashley and I both got in to the South African program!! We're gonna have so much fun together, I love her and I am so happy we both got it! Thank You God!!
I am scared, and worried about the money to pay for it, but if its what the Lord wants, He'll provide a way for me to go. I am so pumped, this is what I've wanted always, to go on a real missions trip and help people.
Thank You God!!

Let it All Out

Okay so today was the last day of school before Christmas holidays, PRAISE JESUS! School was getting to be too much. I hate it. Anyhoo, last night I went to bed at a decent hour, but I ended up listening to my Relient K CD on my head phones. I got to the song "Let it All Out" and I was like, wow, I love this song, so I played it again. And again. By that time I had really started listening to the words and the words just spoke to me. I mean the second verse, wow. So I was laying there, nodding emphatically along to the song, bawling my stupid head off. It was just that those were the words I needed, that no matter how crappy stuff gets, in the end it won't matter. God loves us no matter what. And in Him, there is strength. So I looked inside last night and found my strength. It was amazing.

Let it all out, get it all out
Rip it out, remove it
Don't be alarmed, when the wound begins to bleed
Cause we're so scared to find out
What this life's all about
So scared we're gonna lose it
Not knowing all along
That's exactly what we need
And today I will trust you with the confidence
Of a man who's never known defeat
But tomorrow, upon hearing what I did I will stare at you in disbelief
Oh inconsistent me, crying out for consistency
And you said I know this will hurt
But if I don't break your heart then things will just get worse
If the burden seems too much to bear
Remember, the end will justify the pain it took to get us there
And I'll let it be known at times I have shown
Signs of all my weakness
But somewhere in me, there is strength
And you promise me that you believe
In time I will defeat this
Cause somewhere in me, there is strength
And today I will trust you with the confidence
Of a man who's never known defeat
And I'll try my best to just forget
That that man isn't me
Reach out to me
Make my heart brand new
Every beat will be for You, for You
And I know You know
You touched my life
When You touched my heavy heart and made it light...

Congradulations Ashley!! I'm so excited for you! Love ya to pieces!

Nothing Specific and Everything in General

So tonight was carolling. SO FUN! There were only like 12 of us, and it was tons of fun! We sang and Hazel gave us chocolate, which was so cute. Then we watched Elf at my house and talked forever. We also watched all these old movies we made for school until like 12:45. So it was a long youth group!
So today Henk called and said his plane was wrecked so no flying. I was saddened by that, but today was a good day so it was all cancelled out anyways.
Wow this is the worst post ever! But I don't even care! Tonight I asked Curtis to be my grad escort. He said yes! I was happy. I mean one less thingy to stress about. It wasn't even weird, and like I thought I'd have huge issues with how to word it. But nope, it just came out nicely. And he said yes, so all is well! Yay!
I am so tired, I have to go to bed.
I must say this though: I love all my friends! Like everyone, Ashley, Brynne, Curtis, Jodi, Henk, Adrienne, Allison, Ireen, Kaitlan, Lenny, Sarah, Brion and Mike. Even Josh. Seriously, hanging out with them is the happiest I ever am!
And Cass and Al - I MISS YOU SO MUCH! I had a dream about you last night, it made me sad because you're so far away. I love you guys, you are my SSS forever!
Toodles!

I'll Fly Away...

Wow, I have been neglecting my blog and for this I am extrememly sorry! Its been ridiculously busy. Bio is EVIL and it has been taking up alot of my time. And art too...
Anyhoo, last night was our church concert. It went well. Ireen was so cute and excited! She said it was her first church concert and she was totally cute and nervous before we sang. Ireen, Sarah, Kristin and I sang Silent Night. It went okay. Afterwards we had goodies and juice downstairs and I hung out with Addy, Allie, Jodi, Ireen, Curtis and Brion. It was so much fun! We did all these dumb things and ate way too much and talked and it was totally fun. Curtis was running around in my rainow scarf and mitts and it was very funny!
Today Henk invited me to go flying. Ashley and Brion are coming too. We're going aroud 2:00 this afternoon. I'm scared! I was really excited about it all week, and now I'm scared! I mean we could die! Wow, this is totally showing my lack of faith in Henk, who is a scary driver... But yeah I'm scared about it. I want to sit in the front. I've been flying once before and I sat in the back so I really really want to sit in the front. I hope Ashley and Brion will let me.
Tonight is carolling! My favorite Youth Group! I'm excited! We are singing and then coming to my house and eating and watching Elf. I've never seen it, I hope its good! But I think all my people are coming so I'm excited, its gonna be a good time! Today is just generally going to (hopefully) be a good day!
I should go get ready, I'm still in my pj's. And I think mom wants to go grocery shopping. So anyhoo I'm talk to y'all later!

The Weekend

Okay so this weekend has been fun. On Friday we went and saw Ocean's 12, which was extremely funny! Ashley and I like died laughing! NO MORE PICTURES! Ha ha! And yeah we embarassed ourselves by talking loudly and laughing through the whole movie. It was fun though. I sat inbetween Ashley and Brynne, and then Brion and Henk. It was fun!
Then we went to McDonalds at like 11:55 and they still made us food. I hadn't eaten yet, and Ashley and Brynne had only had ice cream, so we got food. I sat in the back with Ashley and Henk on the way home. We had to huddle for warmth, it was so cold! When we got to Minnedosa, there were police cars around due to an accident, and they stopped us. He was angry and actually kind of rude. I wouldn't be very happy standing out in the cold at 1:00 am either, I guess. But yeah, I got home around 1:20, and Henk gave me a hug! I think he did it just so he could hug Ashley, but oh well. Oh yeah, he asked her to be his escort on the way home too.
It was fun, but I felt like such a fifth wheel! I mean it was Brion and Brynne in the front, and they're going to grad together, and then Ashley and Henk all snuggly in the back. So I snuggled up against the cold door for comfort, lol. So that part wasn't so great...
Then on Saturday we went bowling with the Youth Group. It was fun! Yay Twinkletoes! Afterwards Brynne, Henk and Brion came over. That night we put up our tree! That was awesome. Our house is now officially Christmasified. I love it.
Then today was church and tonight's the church banquet. I think I'm going. Its gonna be some good food! So yeah thus was my weekend. Laters!

Happy Birthday Brion!

Oh, I've been neglecting my blog so much this week! But this week was a really crazy one! Today is my homeboy Brion's birthday - he's turning the big 1-8 today! Now he's an adult! Whoo! He can vote! I'm glad I can't vote yet, I hate politics. Anyways...
So yeah tonight the plan is that Brynne, Henk, Ashley, Brion and I are gonna go see Ocean's 12 to celebrate the kid's birthday. It will be a Gremlin trip, and its gonna be fun! I'm excited! I need to have fun (and a red bull) after such a long and exhausting week.
My mouth is so sore! I cut it all open inside on my braces...I think its from playing my trumpet, because that just about KILLS me. The band concert went awesomely well on Wednesday! We played 3 senior band songs and 3 jazz band songs. Our jazz band rocks, its just so much fun to be in! And Geordie, Eddie, and Benny Waddell played Carol of the Bells by Metallica. It was amazing! I would marry those boys, such talent! I mean seriously, talented and the nicest kids ever. Too bad they're all younger than me. They're just so cool and incredibly talented! Anyways, before people start getting creeped out...
So yeah I should go do some math. I got back my latest module today and I got 84% on it, so yay. They correcting people are stupid. All they ever say is "show your work!" And I AM! I mean like how much more could I possibly write, stupid woman. But yeah, at least I'm doing alright in it. I think I'm writing the midterm not next week, but the week after. Scary stuff. Then I'll do the second half and write the exam in the second week of February. Thats the plan, anyways.
Well I'd better go. Toodles noodles!

Red Bull Works!

Okay, so I have zero energy to post, so I'll write later.
Guess what? Today I was bored so I looked up what my name means. And with my first and middle names put together it means "God has been Gracious" "Fairy or Elf".
I find this to be inexplicably anusing. I mean I'm a fairy! Ashley was right all along! And so was Andrew the day he called me something mean...
I HAD THE FUNNEST WEEKEND EVER! And I only got 11 hours of sleep in 48 hours. I want to die I am so tired. I still have some bio to do, and then I'm off to bed! Ooh actually I really want a Red Bull...they are so addicting!
Laters gaters!

4 Hits and a Miss (plus 5 Queer Guys)

1. Topher Grace is totally my hero! I mean his name is Topher, how cool is that? And he's just so dorky cool, and he always plays such a nice guy, like on That 70's Show and Win a Date With Tad Hamilton. He's too cute! I just wanna marry him!
2. The guy from the "I've-grown-out-of" milk ads. I really hate that chick, but the guy is so cool, with lovely hair. And he doesn't pretend to rap, either. He's just too cool.
3. Josh Groban is amazing, its really completely sick how talented he is. I love him, his voice, and like all of his songs! Even the ones that aren't in English have beautiful translations. He just blows my mind - his talent is seriously not of this earth!
4. Ben Stiller is SO awesome! He always plays someone so awkwardly adorable, and I just wanna hug him! He's so funny and cute and seems like a really sweet guy. Plus he can totally re-invent himself and play just about anyone.
5. Ireen is such a sweetie! I just love her, she's my girl. We can just be like whatever and its all good. I'm totally glad we became friends, and I actually feel like she likes me, which is nice. I haven't heard her dis me or stuff I like yet, so all is good. He accent and grammer is so cute! I'm glad she's here this year and in my classes.
6. The Fab Five are so cool! I want to hang out with them! I almost wish I was a sloppy straight guy so they'd come over, beautify my house and take me shopping! Carson is so gross and funny, I love Kyan (he's so pretty!), Jai is totally cool, Thom is so talented and Ted is hilarious! I want to hang out with them and make them like me! They are so hilarious and their camaradrie is inexplicable. I just love them.

When You Say You Love Me

I LOVE THIS SONG!! Josh Groban is so fantastic! Sometimes I pretend he's singing this to me...lol I'm a loser!

Like the sound of silence calling
I hear your voice and suddenly I'm falling,
Lost in a dream
Like the echoes of our souls are meeting,
You say those words, my heart stops beating
I wonder what it means?
What could it be that comes over me?
At times I can't move
At times I can hardly breathe

CHORUS:
When you say you love me
The world goes still, so still inside and
When you say you love me,
For a moment, there's no one else alive

You're the one I've always thought of
I don't know how, but I feel sheltered in your love
You're where I belong
And when you're with me if I close my eyes
There are times I swear I feel like I can fly
For a moment in time
Somewhere between
The Heavens and Earth
I'm frozen in time
Oh, when you say those words

And this journey that we're on.
How far we've come and I
Celebrate every moment.
And when you say you love me,
That's all you have to say.
I'll always feel this way.

When you say you love me
The world goes still, so still inside and.
When you say you love me
In that moment I know why I'm alive.
When you say you love me.
When you say you love me.
Do you know how I love you?